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New FAA BanFollow

#1 Aug 24 2006 at 9:37 PM Rating: Default
Story Here

Quote:
Aug. 15, 2006 - In a move aimed at further tightening airport security, the Federal Aviation Administration announced today that it would ban all people from flights leaving or entering the United States, effective immediately.

The FAA, which has in the past banned such objects as toenail clippers and hair gel, took the extraordinary step of banning people after the Department of Homeland Security conducted a thorough investigation of previous terror plots.

"We looked at terror plots of the past, and in each and every case, people were involved," said Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff at a Washington press briefing. "These new rules send the strong message that the FAA has zero tolerance for people."

Chertoff said that while banning liquids from flights was a constructive step, the only true solution was to ban people altogether. "Let's face it, hair gel doesn't kill people," he said. "People kill people."

The Homeland Security secretary acknowledged that the new rules would curtail Americans' ability to travel, but added, "On the plus side, that will make them easier for us to spy on."

The FAA's ban on people onboard flights raised questions for the nation's airlines, which must now ponder what, if anything, their airplanes will be carrying.

But Davis Logsdon, who studies the airline industry at the University of Minnesota, said that the FAA's crackdown on people could be a "win-win" for the airlines: "Maybe if the airlines don't have people to worry about, they can finally concentrate on getting our luggage to the right destination."

Elsewhere, Al Qaeda disavowed responsibility for a terror plot to make Americans' laptops burst into flames, blaming it instead on Dell.


Maybe this would sovle those pesky security problems.
#2 Aug 24 2006 at 9:58 PM Rating: Decent
Scholar
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5,677 posts
If MSNBC says it, it must be true.
#3 Aug 24 2006 at 9:59 PM Rating: Default
It made me laugh when I read it. I tend to like satire like this though.
#4 Aug 25 2006 at 12:12 AM Rating: Good
Tracer Bullet
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12,636 posts

What's sad is that guy only wrote 278 words, none of them funny, and probably got paid a lot of money for it.

#5 Aug 25 2006 at 5:20 AM Rating: Decent
It's on a par with TheOnion.com



Not sure he got paid much though.

If he did, I want his job.

Cos I can write unfunny stuff too. Look:

Two fish in a tank. One says to the other:

"How the fuck do you drive this thing?"


See?


Edited, Aug 25th 2006 at 6:26am EDT by RedPhoenixxxxxx
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#6 Aug 25 2006 at 8:08 AM Rating: Default
This guy is a writer for Newsweek, his name is Andy Borowitz. He pokes fun at the current headlines in the news twisting the headlines to what many think are more appropriate. He is like Jon Stewart on the Daily Show on Comedy Central.


#7 Aug 25 2006 at 9:03 AM Rating: Excellent
Will swallow your soul
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29,360 posts
Fibroblast wrote:
This guy is a writer for Newsweek, his name is Andy Borowitz. He pokes fun at the current headlines in the news twisting the headlines to what many think are more appropriate. He thinks he's like Jon Stewart on the Daily Show on Comedy Central.


Fixed that for you.
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