So I saw the surgeonFollow

It was a bright shiny day like all the other summer days that we had been having recently, yet something was not so bright and shiny in my world. My disposition lacked luster. Rightfully so one would say had they known what was in store for me that day. Reluctantly, I cruised to the surgeon's office on my motorcycle, with referral note in hand. What awful, nay, demonic things would lie in store for me today? Opening the door to the office, I was greeted by a nice looking young lady behind the reception desk who asked for my information while thwarting my advances with grace and style unbeknownced to most women. Too bad she wasn't going to be doing the examination.

The waiting room for this office was a dark place, the lighting was low and there was not another soul to be seen. "Something is not right about this place", I thought to myself. Normally Doctor's offices are packed and the waiting line is easily 15 people deep. Just as I thought I might lose my composer and run out screaming like a little girl, my name was called and I was asked to step into a private office that had a few chairs, an examining table, a medical looking cabinet and a sink that had a prominent king-sized tube of KY jelly perched on the ledge next to the jumbo box of latex gloves. I was seriously re-evaluating my options.

I was then asked a few questions and told to undo and lower my pants, lie on the examining table and face the wall. Then the unthinkable happened. This has to be the most degrading thing to ever happen to a straight man. Ever. You could hear the guy behind me putting on a pair of gloves and slathering them with that king-size tube of KY jelly. My *** clenched in fear. Then the unimaginable happened. The guy crams a finger in the sphincter who's name shall not be spoken. However, this was no ordinary exam. The finger reached back and forth and rotated all around causing pain and anguish I did not think was possible since the torture chambers of the dark ages. I swear he tried to force his hand in there. Then he kept pressing on this spot that would course intense pain and burning throughout my body so bad that I thought I was going to pass out. Then finally, after what seemed to be an eternity it was over.

Inside I sobbed like a rape victim, outside I was just in shock, unable to move or say much. The guy apologizes for the pain, cleans up and leaves the room. Without even flowers, candy or a dinner invitation.

The Doctor then entered the room and asked if I was ready for my pre-surgical exam...

I've heard of naming one's ******, but this?!

I had a flight physician who was a POW in WW2. The **** broke every bone in his hand several times over the course of his internment, so that he developed severe arthritis in his finger joints.

When he'd pull his finger out of my a$$ after checking my prostate, it'd pop-pop-pop like benwa balls coming out of my hole. Even worse, he'd reach down and give me a courtesy wipe down my crack afterwards and would smear the KY everywhere.

There's nothing like gliding to the receptionist desk to pay for the exam and wondering if this is what it feels like to be Katie after turning a $5 trick...

Totem

Did you ****?

He finished before I had the chance.
Destro was never my favourite anyway. Now that Chuck Norris and the Karate Commandos collection I'm worried about. I hear they are worth a few bucks now. Unfortunately the Transformers did not make it. I'll be on eBay once I have them all safe and sound.

edit: Forgot to mention the 4 glow-in-the-dark yo-yo balls also made it with little damage.

Edited, Aug 10th 2006 at 1:13pm EDT by Elderon

I call 'roids!

I swear, sometimes, it's like I don't even know you.

Are your intestines knotted or something?

I'm guessing the fisting thing!

Epididymitis? Torsion?

So far, only the first three, plus your original guess. I'll know more after the biopsy too. Oh, and chronic diarrhea too...



Edited, Aug 10th 2006 at 1:49pm EDT by Elderon

"Elderon, could you get out of the pool, please?"

Well I do make a great Mage/Wizard when not leaving the party to die mid-fight, running to the washroom.

But they still seem to like it.