I believe there are outstanding queries to which I should respond.
Mr ToUtem sir,
Firstly, might I humbly suggest that my posts might bring you to sploogity much quicker if you learned to fUcking read English?
Secondly, your suggestion that Her Britannic Majesty resumes due and rightful control of our erstwhile colonies west of Ireland is hurtful to mine eyes. Do I really want to turn on the TV at 3pm Christmas Day to see her address the nations munching on a Double Whopper with Cheese and drawling "Yo 'Sup?"
I think not.
And finally, you seek the wisdom of British seduction? You? The Ameh'cun equivalent of a dusky Steve Buscemi?
You are right that an acquaintance with fine wines plays a part, but your critique is amateur and, I might add, ham-fisted. Try phrases like:
"It's only an '86 Chateauneuf, but I think you'll be amused by its impertinence"
or
"Close your eyes, and it's like an Angel crying on your tongue"
or perhaps
"Sorry darling. Didn't mean to spill that down your blouse. Let me get you out of those wet clothes"
Of course, the secret is to do so in a sophisticated and seductive British accent that has her leaving a slug trail on the seat.
And as for the whole Moogle-FUckers vs "we" debate; I'll do what the fUck I like here, and any cUnt who wants to whine about it can blow snot bubbles up my **** and inhale deeply.
And to conclude, I was about to leave the pub, but since the delectable n0bstress entreated me to "have one for me", I felt obliged to inhale another sniff of the barmaid's apron. I am currently consulting my pretend lawyer (Niobia? You there?) to personally sue the entire population of Eurasia for engendering hysteria that has detained Kween DF in the USA of Americuh, leaving me with further weeks of self-abuse and dangerously explicit text messages.
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"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve