Generally I try to stay out of the Asylum, but I have a problem, and there have to be some people here who are at least experienced with this disease.
The basic story, I'm 18. My friend's neighbor is divorced and moved here from Canada. A few times a year his 16 year old daughter comes down to visit him. We ended up hooking up the night before she left (right after watching American History X, romantic right?) Anyway, she had never mentioned being uncomfortable wth her weight before, so it came to me as a shock that she said she was going on a "diet" one day while I was talking to her on MSN messenger after she had returned to Canada.
Now before you get the wrong impression, this girl is about 5'7" and weighs no more than 135 pounds. She tells me that she has given up eating meals and now only will drink water and eat pickles and watermelon (which are comprised mostly of... water). The first time she mentioned it to me she was on her 4th day of not eating. Now obviously I freaked out... alot. She is one of the most attractive females I have ever seen, and she was going on about how she was so fat, and i didn't see anything to provoke it.
She says that she is going to continue this "diet" until she weighs 100 pounds, that is her goal. She showed me pictures of what she wished she looked like, all of them ridiculously skinny, able to count all the ribs, disgustingly skinny girls who all obviously have eating disorders.
I have no idea how to go about dealing with this. I have tried begging and pleading, reasoning, bargaining, anything I thought could potentially help. She says I'm taking it too seriously, but every time I point out the health risks she says something to the effect of "It's okay, I know what I'm doing."
If that wasn't bad enough, my almost constant rquests that she stop her "diet" have basically caused her to totally ignore me now. I'm so upset because there's nothing I can do to help, living so far away, and even worse than that, she doesn't think she even needs help.
All of her friends have taken drastic responses to her behavior. A few are going on a hunger strike until she starts eating normally again and another is going on a cocaine bimge until she starts eating. I've tried looking online but it doesn't really say how to deal with an anorexic so much as how to spot one.
Basically as I see it my only options are to do nothing or to see if I can get in contact with her parents some how and see to it that they take care of her, because I can't. She has already told me that if I were to tell her parents about it she would never talk to me again. When it all comes down to it though, if sacrificing out friendship would save her from serious physical illness then I would do it in a heartbeat, I care for her much more than I care for myself.
Can anyone just please try to give me an idea on what to do, because I am so distraught right now i can't even think straight. Thanks, and sorry this is so long.
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She's just being a dumb bitch. Fuck her some more if you can, before she turns into Skeletor, but realize that she's going to be totally unreasonable until something happens, like ending up in the hospital. You can't help someone who doesn't want it (unless you strap her down and forcefeed her 3 squares a day).
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
She needs professional help, with which may or may not survive.
Without it, the odds are she'll die or spend the rest of her life with major health problems, sterility, depression and a weak heart.
Tell her folks or ditch her. Either way you've almost certainly lost her.
Just depends on whether you have the guts to sacrifice your 'funny in the pants' times for a clear conscience.
Ain't life a *****
Without it, the odds are she'll die or spend the rest of her life with major health problems, sterility, depression and a weak heart.
Tell her folks or ditch her. Either way you've almost certainly lost her.
Just depends on whether you have the guts to sacrifice your 'funny in the pants' times for a clear conscience.
Ain't life a *****
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
Deathfrance wrote:
I care for her much more than I care for myself.
You have to love yourself before you can love another. Use that as an excuse to fuck her silly and throw her to the curb when she gets to skinny.
Tell her: "How can I secretly practice cannabalism if you go and fuck it up like this?"
She's sixteen years old. All 16-year-old girls go on weird diets and scare the people who care about them. Seriously, every single one. I went on a fast when I was 16, more or less expressly for that purpose.
Tell her you think she's beautiful, but it's her decision. Stop feeding her inner drama queen and with luck she'll start feeding the rest of her.
Tell her you think she's beautiful, but it's her decision. Stop feeding her inner drama queen and with luck she'll start feeding the rest of her.
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
Quote:
All of her friends have taken drastic responses to her behavior. A few are going on a hunger strike until she starts eating normally again and another is going on a cocaine bimge until she starts eating.
Because stupidity teaches intelligence? Gotcha
Listen to Nobby. If this isnt some scare tactic to gain attention like many teenagers do, and she really isnt eating, you need to tell an adult, like her parents, so she can get professional help. Sometimes being a true friend means losing a friend by doing somethng they many not agree with or find as a breaking of trust, but may inievitably save them
Deathfrance wrote:
All of her friends have taken drastic responses to her behavior. [...] ...and another is going on a cocaine binge until she starts eating.
Why, that's just an excuse to do more coke.
What kind of jerkass friend uses such hypocrisy? "Well, you need to stop hurting yourself, so until you do, I'm going to hurt myself too! Rawr! Maybe if you care about me enough you'll stop!" Perhaps these people should be killing themselves if they're this bad. Sometimes you have to give the kid the scissors and tell them to run around with the pointy end up.
well, first, you messed up by attacking her behavior. kind of like attacking a boyfriend you KNOW is a bad person, but she loves anyway. she will turn on you. she obviously thinks she has a problem, and untill SHE no longer thinks she has a problem, or SHE starts to see her solution is a problem in itself, all you will do is end up on her ignore list by attacking her actions concerning her problem.
instead, focus on her insecurity. dont go overboard, but tell her she is pretty. tell her you brag about her to your friends. tell her they have seen her picture and want to meet her. find something not associated with her weight and put it on a pedistal. tell her her eyes are dreamy. tell her you love the waves / length / color of her hair.
the weight thing, just like a bad boyfriend or substance abuse problem, is something SHE has to recognize herself. someone telling her what she is doing is bad only makes her focus on it even more and feeds her insecurity more.
basically, your being counterproductive. positive reinforcement will go alot farther in changing her actions than attacking her problem. at the worst, even if you cant change her actions, she will want to connect with you more to make her feel better about herself. eventually, you may end up a substitute to replace her solution to her insecurity over her weight.
on the otherhand, this may be about a boy. she may have a crush on a boy who is fawning over some other thin vixon making her want to do something to make him look at her. if thats the case, all she will see is you trying to come between her and what she wants and nothing you do will stop it untill she figures out she is wasting her time with her approach to her problem.
either way, the positive reinforcement will work better for you. at the very least, you will end up a sholder she can cry on about some other boy. be carefull what you wish for. you may trade her pain for one of your own.
instead, focus on her insecurity. dont go overboard, but tell her she is pretty. tell her you brag about her to your friends. tell her they have seen her picture and want to meet her. find something not associated with her weight and put it on a pedistal. tell her her eyes are dreamy. tell her you love the waves / length / color of her hair.
the weight thing, just like a bad boyfriend or substance abuse problem, is something SHE has to recognize herself. someone telling her what she is doing is bad only makes her focus on it even more and feeds her insecurity more.
basically, your being counterproductive. positive reinforcement will go alot farther in changing her actions than attacking her problem. at the worst, even if you cant change her actions, she will want to connect with you more to make her feel better about herself. eventually, you may end up a substitute to replace her solution to her insecurity over her weight.
on the otherhand, this may be about a boy. she may have a crush on a boy who is fawning over some other thin vixon making her want to do something to make him look at her. if thats the case, all she will see is you trying to come between her and what she wants and nothing you do will stop it untill she figures out she is wasting her time with her approach to her problem.
either way, the positive reinforcement will work better for you. at the very least, you will end up a sholder she can cry on about some other boy. be carefull what you wish for. you may trade her pain for one of your own.
Pics.
Barkingturtle wrote:
Pics.
Nobby-Rack TM
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
Nobby's right (on this one...).
It seems to be a constant thing with girls and young women these days that they think they need to lose more weight. Some more extreme than others. Tell them all you want that those pictures in the magazines are photoshopped, they just won't listen.
It seems to be a constant thing with girls and young women these days that they think they need to lose more weight. Some more extreme than others. Tell them all you want that those pictures in the magazines are photoshopped, they just won't listen.
Tell her parents. They need to get her help. Then you need to decide how much crap and pain you are willing to go through for her.
Edited, Aug 6th 2006 at 10:54am EDT by Katie
Edited, Aug 6th 2006 at 10:54am EDT by Katie
Hey, since some chick that knows some guy on the internets isn't eating, I'm going to go on a drinking binge! That should force her to start eating again!
If anyone here has a problem...
If anyone here has a problem...
Jophiel wrote:
I managed to be both retarded and entertaining.
Seiously though, you're 18. She's 16. This isn't everlasting love we're talking about. Stick her a few more times, then move on. Don't carry a cross for some broad that you only see a few times a year, especially if she turns into Skeletor. Tell her parents about her problem, do what you can to help, then pack up your emotional investment and hit the road.
Bigger fish in the sea, and all that.
Bigger fish in the sea, and all that.
Jophiel wrote:
I managed to be both retarded and entertaining.
Double the post, double the fun!
Edited, Aug 6th 2006 at 7:10pm EDT by DodoBird
Edited, Aug 6th 2006 at 7:10pm EDT by DodoBird
What Demea said.
Let someone who can actually do something about it (her parents) know before she kills herself, then ditch the emotional baggage.
Let someone who can actually do something about it (her parents) know before she kills herself, then ditch the emotional baggage.
Demea wrote:
Bigger fish in the sea, and all that.
Especially now!
*Tries to help*
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
Go over to her house, and slap that *****. Keep yo pimp hand strong.
That'l set her right.
That'l set her right.
Speaking from experience, unless she has an exceptionally strong bond with her parent(s), there won't be much they can do outside of getting her proffesional help. If she's like any other typical rebellious teen she will resent you, them, and whoever else is 'interfering'. Have a couple more tosses in the sack with her and then dump her by telling her that she's too damn skinny.
Nobby and DSD had the best advice so far. This is in her head. Even if you love her, you can't help her and it doesn't sound like she even thinks she has an issue. Turning it over to a professional means they can evaluate if she has a treateable problem or she's just making things up for attention.
As far as "all girls that age doing this", I disagree. Not all girls of a certain age smoke, or have sex at fourteen, or engage in other risky behaviors they'll later regret. It may be modelling, it may be a serious psychological issue, but it take a professional to tell. I can happily say that at that age all the girls I knew except for a couple were gloriously unconcerned with their bodies (and we weren't skinny), and those that weren't and ate only tuna and water with lemon, we took out for chinese and bought Cindi Crawford exercise tapes for. One of them told me years later she had been bulimic, and she had finally realized she had an issue and sought professional help which thankfully, worked. Societal standards and peer pressure account for quite a bit, but it takes the right target to score a hit. True anorexia and bulimia are multifacted, complicated diseases that a layman can't treat and shouldn't try to.
On a last note, make sure you don't turn this into more than it is. Serious or no, it is her problem, not yours.
As far as "all girls that age doing this", I disagree. Not all girls of a certain age smoke, or have sex at fourteen, or engage in other risky behaviors they'll later regret. It may be modelling, it may be a serious psychological issue, but it take a professional to tell. I can happily say that at that age all the girls I knew except for a couple were gloriously unconcerned with their bodies (and we weren't skinny), and those that weren't and ate only tuna and water with lemon, we took out for chinese and bought Cindi Crawford exercise tapes for. One of them told me years later she had been bulimic, and she had finally realized she had an issue and sought professional help which thankfully, worked. Societal standards and peer pressure account for quite a bit, but it takes the right target to score a hit. True anorexia and bulimia are multifacted, complicated diseases that a layman can't treat and shouldn't try to.
On a last note, make sure you don't turn this into more than it is. Serious or no, it is her problem, not yours.
kind of agree with demea.
at that age, most gilrs are clueless idiots. most anyway. funny, guys dont change much from teens to adults other than the price of their toys, but wow, gilrs do a jeckle / hyde.
in their early 20,s they start to realize "they have it, you want it, time for you to beg".
mid to late 20,s they start to understand guys with long hair, cool cars, and endless concert tickets wont help them get what they need and mostly cant get on their own. financial security. at that point, long hair cool guys are out, yuppies are in. steady job, foward moving young professionals can be forgiven in their looks and lack of coolness .
by late 20,s to mid 30,s, they are getting desperate. d-day is comming fast. the point where if they ever wanted to have the "american dream", familey and all that, its now or never. slightly balding, a bit overweight, crappy dodge car can all be forgiven for a steady income, and good financial outlook. time for nest building, not playing.
early 40,s to mid 40,s, young cool guys with long hair and endless concert tickets are back in. familey time is over, either they cant have it anymore, or the kids are in their teens and dont need mothering anymore. baldie is spending 60 to 70 hours at work, wifey doesnt have any more pressing concerns, its play time again. after 40ish, there are more wives cheating on their husbands than the other way around. divorce skyrockets. cant stand fat baldie touching her anymore, its playtime with the young studs. dump his ***** take his money and PARTY.
the only exceptions being women with a strong religious calling or insecure women who dont think anyone else would want them, or women who married men that will dump them first.
men? havent changed a bit. sex, food, and a toy. thats all we ever wanted, thats all we still want.
more than likely, it is about a boy. want to emotionally castrate yourself for a girl fawning over some other guy, go ahead. better to learn early. want a friend? play the good listener. want more? she has already written you off, ignoring you should be your first clue. if she was interested, she would hang on your every word and your phone calls would last untill your ear got sore from holding it there. you lost the teens for her, you can always make a play for the early 20ish. keep in touch and become a yuppie if you think she is worth it. dont bank on it though, she will be making her play for what she wants too and it might not be you.
at that age, most gilrs are clueless idiots. most anyway. funny, guys dont change much from teens to adults other than the price of their toys, but wow, gilrs do a jeckle / hyde.
in their early 20,s they start to realize "they have it, you want it, time for you to beg".
mid to late 20,s they start to understand guys with long hair, cool cars, and endless concert tickets wont help them get what they need and mostly cant get on their own. financial security. at that point, long hair cool guys are out, yuppies are in. steady job, foward moving young professionals can be forgiven in their looks and lack of coolness .
by late 20,s to mid 30,s, they are getting desperate. d-day is comming fast. the point where if they ever wanted to have the "american dream", familey and all that, its now or never. slightly balding, a bit overweight, crappy dodge car can all be forgiven for a steady income, and good financial outlook. time for nest building, not playing.
early 40,s to mid 40,s, young cool guys with long hair and endless concert tickets are back in. familey time is over, either they cant have it anymore, or the kids are in their teens and dont need mothering anymore. baldie is spending 60 to 70 hours at work, wifey doesnt have any more pressing concerns, its play time again. after 40ish, there are more wives cheating on their husbands than the other way around. divorce skyrockets. cant stand fat baldie touching her anymore, its playtime with the young studs. dump his ***** take his money and PARTY.
the only exceptions being women with a strong religious calling or insecure women who dont think anyone else would want them, or women who married men that will dump them first.
men? havent changed a bit. sex, food, and a toy. thats all we ever wanted, thats all we still want.
more than likely, it is about a boy. want to emotionally castrate yourself for a girl fawning over some other guy, go ahead. better to learn early. want a friend? play the good listener. want more? she has already written you off, ignoring you should be your first clue. if she was interested, she would hang on your every word and your phone calls would last untill your ear got sore from holding it there. you lost the teens for her, you can always make a play for the early 20ish. keep in touch and become a yuppie if you think she is worth it. dont bank on it though, she will be making her play for what she wants too and it might not be you.
Speaking from personal experienceon on this one, she won't hear anything you say if you try to voice her concerns. And actually, if you say anything positive about her appearance she will hear it as "See? I needed to go on a diet. I'm pretty, beautiful, attractive, etc." Anything you say negative about her appearance she will hear it as "See? I need to stay on my diet. I'm fat, ugly, etc." Whatever you say she will interpret as a reinforcer for her to continue on with her behavior.
If her eating habits are as far gone as they are, it's professional help that needs to be taken. You can't do it. Only her parents can get her the help she needs. Let her parents know your concerns. It's up to them after that.
Either way, brace yourself for cutting the ties between the two of you.
If her eating habits are as far gone as they are, it's professional help that needs to be taken. You can't do it. Only her parents can get her the help she needs. Let her parents know your concerns. It's up to them after that.
Either way, brace yourself for cutting the ties between the two of you.
yeha,
like any addiction (in this case, addicted to being a moran),
iMO the best thing you can do is be BRUTALLY HONEST.
Make fun of her, make her feel like the skinny, cliched idiot taht she is, and if it only pushes her away from you, then she values her own vices more than your friendship; in which case you don't really know her that well anyway..... so Oh well. no big loss.
Don't bother with ultimatums and other head games like that... for they only work on rational people.
on a side note, if you would have hit it like you should, you would have made her feel beautiful enough
OR you could just try telling her that you like fat chicks.
like any addiction (in this case, addicted to being a moran),
iMO the best thing you can do is be BRUTALLY HONEST.
Make fun of her, make her feel like the skinny, cliched idiot taht she is, and if it only pushes her away from you, then she values her own vices more than your friendship; in which case you don't really know her that well anyway..... so Oh well. no big loss.
Don't bother with ultimatums and other head games like that... for they only work on rational people.
on a side note, if you would have hit it like you should, you would have made her feel beautiful enough
OR you could just try telling her that you like fat chicks.
Quote:
Make fun of her, make her feel like the skinny, cliched idiot taht she is, and if it only pushes her away from you, then she values her own vices more than your friendship; in which case you don't really know her that well anyway..... so Oh well. no big loss.
I'm honestly curious: Why would you react this way?
The Glorious Atomicflea wrote:
Quote:
Make fun of her, make her feel like the skinny, cliched idiot taht she is, and if it only pushes her away from you, then she values her own vices more than your friendship; in which case you don't really know her that well anyway..... so Oh well. no big loss.
I'm honestly curious: Why would you react this way?
Because rational discourse has proven to be useless? Hell, this kind of brutal honesty is just kissing cousins to tough love.
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
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