"how's it going?"Follow

I don't know... are we?

Oh man, that embarrases the hell out of me, I do that a lot too

every once in awhile Ill answer with the standard "good" and not return the question. The pregnant awkward pause ofter can be pretty amusing. It seems that this pseudo caring about a total strangers or a coworkers life is core to the art of small talk to the majority of people.

This is usually what I wind up doing, but then I add in an apathetic stare for extra awkwardness.

It's almost as bas as the abscent minded "repeat fine, and you?"

Me: "Hey, how's it going?"
Person: "Pretty good, how you doing?"
Me: "Great, and you?"
Person: "hmm, still good"

I am so blonde it hurts.

Nexa

That is why I use the wonderful all purpose greeting of HOWDY.

It really is a contraction of 'how do you do', but in application it's more of a verbal head-nod.

Person enters store,

Me: Howdy
Person: Hello,howdy,hiya,heysexycanilickonyourearlobe,etc.

Fin.

I have noticed that most of my grandparent's siblings all answer your question fully if you say "How are you?". Not sure if it's a generation thing, or if they're all just weird like that but I do enjoy the answers. Because hearing about the mess the dog made on the floor and your bursitis is more interesting than having the question tossed back my direction automatically.

One of the things that I hate the most about the "how are you" questions is that people just want to hear "oh, fine and you" so that they can go about their day with a feeling of satisfaction knowing that they spoke to you when they saw you. A few weeks ago our regional HR manager came through my place and he happened to poke his head in and ask how things were going. I quickly replied that they were sh1tty in numerous ways and he was halfway across the room before the gist of my reply sank in because I'd given it with the same false grin and tone of voice I use for the standard, "Great, and how're things going for you?" reply. Of course I had to let him off the hook and tell him I was just looking for a reaction but it felt nice to force him to do a mental stumble while coming up with a way to reopen the subject with me.

I don't mind the artifice of "How are you?" usually.

Most people know it to be a rhetorical coUrtesy.

But does anyone else have a list of people to whom you should never use that greeting?
You know, the one who will always take it as an invitation to share their entire medical history with you, or burden you with the ennui of their tawdry relationship problems?

Oh, and "Mornin'", "Afternoon" or "Evenin'" are my preferred safe options.

Pensioners
Psychologists
Patients of psychologists
My girlfriend
My mum
Women in general, come to think of it...
People on ecstasy

Now I know that no one actually wants to hear how your/life, wife,weekend or day is going, but in all honesty this gives me the perfect chance to freak out some of my co-workers. I'll usually work out some kind of story, that has them in mortal fear until some one comes and saves the day right before I let them get on with the rest of there day. Its like my own personal story time, Granted I only do this at work, cause lets be honest when in my entire life will I ever see these people again...

In Peru, "How are you" is kind of an invitation to go into detail. It was a shocker when I moved here and it kind of seemed to **** people off. Getting right to the point of a conversation is considered pretty tasteless. It varies by region, though. East coasters can be pretty rude about it, Southerners are big fans of pointless conversation, Californians will usually accept "Doood" as a response to just about anything, and I'm finding that Midwesterners are more likely to simply be dry and nondescript and forget you asked.

A Madrileño friend of mine (Paco) had this one sorted:

Random guy: "Paco ¿Qué Tal?"
Paco: "Canceroso"

Never had to make small-talk after that

Doood