For Kao - Wombat Fighting!Follow

(Toledo, OH) Police and animal investigators removed several dozen Australian wombats from a north Toledo home in what was described as a "failed wombat-fighting ring."

Police also arrested LaGrange Street resident Marty Kensington, 45, on cruelty charges.

Interviewed by Toledo Tales, Kensington expressed remorse at his actions.

"The ******* who sold them to me said they were vicious killers," said Kensington. "I paid $300 bucks for a pair of eucalyptus-leaf eating retards who just stare at each other with a dull glare."

Kensington tried many techniques to get the wombats to fight, but all they would do is "eat and breed."

"Yeah, I tried poking 'em with sticks, yelling at 'em, and dumping acid on their heads, but nothing seemed to work," he said. "They just sit there and stare at you, drooling and grunting."

The animals, said Kensington, have been a bad investment, and he was "relieved" when police arrived.

"Not only will they not fight, but they dig their way out of every kennel I've built," he said. "Good riddance, I say about the smelly bastards."

They're pretty vicious when provoked. They're classed one level below lions in zoos and such, IIRC.

"Yeah, I tried poking 'em with sticks, yelling at 'em, and dumping acid on their heads, but nothing seemed to work," he said. "They just sit there and stare at you, drooling and grunting."