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Arrrgh mateys, there be work lined up?Follow

#1 Jul 26 2006 at 2:23 PM Rating: Good
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14,454 posts
A friend of mine, who works at Monster, sent this to me via email. Names and personal info were removed prior. I thought you guys would get a kick out of this:
Quote:

RESUME
Resume ID: Resume Headline: Senior Pirate/Swashbuckler Level III

OBJECTIVE:
To pillage and plunder booty from the Spanish Main to the Coasts of New England spilling me riches into every cat house from Bangor to Tortuga.
EXPERIENCE:

7/1992 - Present Black Beard's Plundering LLP. Davie Jones' Locker, Atlantic- Indian Oceans

Industry: Trade Contractors

Associate Pirate

Escorted Black Beard through treacherous seas to commandeer merchant vessels for personal gain.

Exploited shipping routes across the atlantic and Indian Oceans striking fear of death into commercial operations along those routes.

Experience boarding and scuttling ships of value and using the booty for grog and mischievous acts that suited me fancy.
7/1980 - 1/1983 Her Majesty's Royal Navy

London, central

Industry: Government- Military/Defense
powder monkey

Me tasks included fillin the guns with powder and ball during battle on the high seas with the scurvy spanish and french!! Yarr!


EDUCATION:

5/2006 School for Advanced Pirate Thought
US-MA-Cambridge Master's Degree

Thesis work on the Economics of Gold Dabloons vs Pieces of Eight in Securing a Fair Wench in Colonial American Pubs of the Eastern Seaboard.

Extensive research and belly washes were required for this task me hearties!!!

10/2005 Fashion for the Professional Pirate

US-southerly latitudes-Antigua
Certification

Learned about poofy shirts, scuppered booties, and all sorts of sashes.

Skilled in hook/peg accessories and facial hair alternatives.

Basic Do's and Don'ts of Pirate Tattoos and piercing!!

5/2004 Treasure Cartography

US-Indiana-Peru
Vocational

Arrrgggh, sometimes X doesn't mark the spot!
0/0
Swashbuckling level 1 and 2, Royal Academy of Privateers

Ireland-Cork-Dublin

Bachelor's Degree

Received a Minor in plundering

Awarded the Outstanding Cat O'Nine Tails Whipping Certificate (awarded as a tattoo on me chest)

Completed the Plank Walking for the Professional Pirate Course, Tortuga Island

Survived the introduction to Marooning course offered to me and me shipmates on a trial basis.

Gained experience as a TA for the treasure burying lab ( offered to freshman deck swabs)


AFFILIATIONS:
1/2006 - Present Davie Jones' Locker


try to keep me hide from these dark waters, so no

1/1998 - 2/1998 Capt' John Teak

stole a cask of grog from his hold....not bad aye?

SKILLS:
Skill Name
Skill Level
Last Used/Experience
Swashbuckling
Expert
Currently used/12 years
Plundering
Intermediate
1 year ago/4 years
Swindling
Expert
Currently used/25 years
Sailing
Expert
Currently used/15 years
Hornswaggle
Intermediate
1 year ago/5 years
Runnin Through bilge rats
Intermediate
1 year ago/7 years


LANGUAGES:

Languages

Proficiency Level

English
Fluent - Full Knowledge


SUMMARY

Desired Salary/Wage:


10,000.00 USD Per Year


Current Career Level:


Experienced (Non-Manager)


Years of relevant work experience:


1+ to 2 Years


Date of Availability:


Within 2 weeks


Work Status:


US - I am authorized to work in this country for any employer.


Target Job:


Target Job Title:


Pirate


Alternate Target Job Title:


Plunderer
...
[quote][/quote]
#2 Jul 26 2006 at 2:43 PM Rating: Excellent
Liberal Conspiracy
*******
TILT
If Sid Meiers didn't teach me wrong, in 1590 he could have used that resumé to apply for a Letter of Marque!
____________________________
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
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