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#1 Jun 22 2006 at 12:12 PM Rating: Decent
Nobby
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Scottish Sisters lose insurance cover against the Second Coming

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Insurers have withdrawn the cover on their virginity taken out by three sisters in the event of the second coming of Christ.

Essex-based Britishinsurance.com confirmed it had provided the £1m policy, but said it was reviewed on Thursday following complaints.

The firm said the women from Inverness had renewed the policy since 2000.

The cover was meant to pay for the cost of bringing up Christ if one of them conceived immaculately.


The company, which is based in Braintree, specialises in accident and unemployment insurance.

Mr Burgess said: "The people were concerned about having sufficient funds if they immaculately conceived. It was for caring and bringing up the Christ."


I'm picturing the New Testament based on a Scottish Christ.

"Suffer thae wee bairns tae come tae me by the way"
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#2 Jun 22 2006 at 12:19 PM Rating: Good
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What, were they concerned about having to pay out? Damn tight-fisted bastages!
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#3 Jun 22 2006 at 12:25 PM Rating: Excellent
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Seriously, doesn't the national health pay for mangerage?
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#4 Jun 22 2006 at 12:31 PM Rating: Excellent
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What company did the Virgin Mary use? These sisters should give them a call.
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Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
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#5 Jun 22 2006 at 12:32 PM Rating: Decent
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So an immaculate conception is rape right?

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#6 Jun 22 2006 at 12:33 PM Rating: Excellent
Samira
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Jophiel wrote:
What company did the Virgin Mary use? These sisters should give them a call.



Lords of London, I assume.



Edited, Jun 22nd 2006 at 1:38pm EDT by Samira
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#7 Jun 22 2006 at 12:39 PM Rating: Excellent
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Jawbox wrote:
So an immaculate conception is rape right?
Then said Mary unto the angel, "How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?"

And the angel answered and said unto her, "The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God
And, behold, thy cousin Elisabeth, she hath also conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren.
For with God nothing shall be impossible."

And Mary said, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word." And the angel departed from her. But afterwards Mary began to have regrets that she allowed the angel to come unto her and so it was realized unto her mind that she hath been date-raped by the Lord.
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
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#8 Jun 22 2006 at 12:40 PM Rating: Excellent
Samira
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You are so going to hell. Smiley: laugh

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#9 Jun 22 2006 at 12:42 PM Rating: Good
Nobby
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Samira wrote:
You are so going to hell. Smiley: laugh
Pfft. He's insured, right?
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#10 Jun 22 2006 at 12:46 PM Rating: Good
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Jophiel wrote:
But afterwards Mary began to have regrets that she allowed the angel to come unto her and so it was realized unto her mind that she hath been date-raped by the Lord.
By accepting the angel into her home, she implied consent.

Edited, Jun 22nd 2006 at 2:08pm EDT by Atomicflea
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#11 Jun 22 2006 at 12:47 PM Rating: Good
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if there were no marks left, it wasnt rape
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#12 Jun 22 2006 at 12:49 PM Rating: Good
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Jophiel wrote:
Jawbox wrote:
So an immaculate conception is rape right?
Then said Mary unto the angel, "How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?"

And the angel answered and said unto her, "The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God
And, behold, thy cousin Elisabeth, she hath also conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren.
For with God nothing shall be impossible."

And Mary said, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word." And the angel departed from her. But afterwards Mary began to have regrets that she allowed the angel to come unto her and so it was realized unto her mind that she hath been date-raped by the Lord.


And the Lord is good and the Lord is wise. He left not a mark upon Mary during conception. The Lord said "Mary, there are no signs of struggle, therefore rape did not occur. You made a bad choice, deal with it." And His word was law.
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#13 Jun 22 2006 at 12:57 PM Rating: Good
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She was askin' for it.
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#14 Jun 22 2006 at 1:41 PM Rating: Good
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Smiley: laugh I'm praying for all of your souls to be saved. Or at least redeemed and refunded for the $100 that Joph paid.
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#15 Jun 22 2006 at 1:45 PM Rating: Decent
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Thumbelyna Quick Hands wrote:
Smiley: laugh I'm praying for all of your souls to be saved. Or at least redeemed and refunded for the $100 that Joph paid.


Did he pay through paypal?
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#16 Jun 22 2006 at 1:52 PM Rating: Decent
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The One and Only Frakkor wrote:
Jophiel wrote:
Jawbox wrote:
So an immaculate conception is rape right?
Then said Mary unto the angel, "How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?"

And the angel answered and said unto her, "The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God
And, behold, thy cousin Elisabeth, she hath also conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren.
For with God nothing shall be impossible."

And Mary said, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word." And the angel departed from her. But afterwards Mary began to have regrets that she allowed the angel to come unto her and so it was realized unto her mind that she hath been date-raped by the Lord.


And the Lord is good and the Lord is wise. He left not a mark upon Mary during conception. The Lord said "Mary, there are no signs of struggle, therefore rape did not occur. You made a bad choice, deal with it." And His word was law.


But unto Mary was spoken the law. "Ye that has lain with 999 other angels to refuse but one, thy word is tainted. Shall never this one be trusted to utter the word, and the word is NO."
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#17 Jun 22 2006 at 1:53 PM Rating: Good
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This sounds like its from one of my favorite rugby songs The Ball Of Kerrymuir:
The Ball Of Kerrymuir wrote:

four and twenty virgins
came down from inverness,
and when the ball was over
there were four and twenty less.

singing balls to your partner,
*** against the wall,.
you never get fUcked
on a saturday night
you'll never get fUcked at all.

.......


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#18 Jun 22 2006 at 8:00 PM Rating: Decent
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Next time on Law and Order SVU:
Mary: and then...the angel....he touched me... *crying*
*dramatic music*
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#19 Jun 23 2006 at 4:53 AM Rating: Decent
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Molish wrote:
The One and Only Frakkor wrote:
Jophiel wrote:
Jawbox wrote:
So an immaculate conception is rape right?
Then said Mary unto the angel, "How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?"

And the angel answered and said unto her, "The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God
And, behold, thy cousin Elisabeth, she hath also conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren.
For with God nothing shall be impossible."

And Mary said, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word." And the angel departed from her. But afterwards Mary began to have regrets that she allowed the angel to come unto her and so it was realized unto her mind that she hath been date-raped by the Lord.


And the Lord is good and the Lord is wise. He left not a mark upon Mary during conception. The Lord said "Mary, there are no signs of struggle, therefore rape did not occur. You made a bad choice, deal with it." And His word was law.


But unto Mary was spoken the law. "Ye that has lain with 999 other angels to refuse but one, thy word is tainted. Shall never this one be trusted to utter the word, and the word is NO."


And the Lord came down from the heavens, and gaveth a press interview saying that Mary was in fact a dirty prosy, and therefore, thereupon, could not legally be raped. And the crowd gathered as he gave further evidence that might or might not be true, and thus it was reported that Mary was black, and that white Lords do not rapeth black girls unless they are prosies, which kinda makes it legal especially if the Lord was also the Holy Spirit and the Son, and it was therefore gang-rape, or not.
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