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Bodhi,

For all our occasional flirtation, of course, I don't know you from Adam, so my opinion here is worth exactly what you're paying for it. I'm sorry to inflict a baji-esque long post on you. That said...

The goal of being more proactive about your future is an admirable one. The fact that you are willing to take an honest inventory of your life and see where you might be falling short in holding up your end of a committed relationship is ALSO very laudable. But in the course of about 24 hours, you've gone from a position of "It's all her fault" to "It's all my fault" and I suspect that neither one is a very balanced or healthy approach.

It takes two people to make a relationship not work. I know, I know, that's not something we're supposed to admit to--we're supposed to blame everything on the ex. But it's true. So while you're taking an honest inventory of YOUR contribution to the difficulties in the relationship, you also need to be taking an honest inventory of 1) your contribution to the successes of the relationship, and 2) HER contribution to both the difficulties and successes in the relationship.

I see you now writing "I'm going to change this" and "I'm going to give up that" and "this is what I'm doing wrong." But what I don't see is what she's going to change, or give up, or not do anymore. And if there's going to be an honest-to-God reconciliation here that's going to stick, I guarantee you the change cannot come from only one person.

Now, a game is a stupid, trivial thing and one can certainly live without it, so if it seems like people are harping on the fact that you've decided to give up playing your MMO, it's not because we don't want to lose you (though we don't!) but because it seems representative of a greater imbalance here.

Last night in game chat, I harped on the point "moderation/balance in all things" a couple times. I believe this is true. For every "MMO widow" out there, there are dozens of couples in which one or both partners manage to spend a bit of time playing and enjoying themselves, and still expend the necessary energy to make the relationship work. Forgive me, but it seems like your actions of the past couple days have been along the lines of the grandiose, but ultimately meaningless, gestures we talked about earlier in the thread. The roses and teddy bear--nice, definitely attention-getting, and the sort of fairy-tale gesture that you mentioned earlier in the thread that she expects a "true" romantic gesture to be. Giving up gaming--big "see? I love you so much I'm sacrificing something I really enjoy!" gesture, but ultimately I SERIOUSLY doubt that 2 hours or so a day gaming is anywhere near the core of your relationship difficulties.

I tend to view gaming as a substitute for TV time. Most people spend 2 hours or so a night in front of the TV not talking to each other or doing anything more worthwhile and don't feel guilty about that, or that it's somehow a sign of their "immaturity," or feel compelled to give that time up when the relationship isn't working. Gaming just has an "immature" stigma that TV viewing doesn't. I guess the question is--what is it that you COULD be doing with the time you spend gaming that will improve the relationship, and is it REALISTIC to expect to be doing it in place of every single gaming session? If you give up gaming, will you just transfer back to the TV for two hours a night instead? Whatever compensatory activity you're planning to replace gaming with, I doubt that it's something you can expect to be doing every single day. So a more "balanced" approach would be "All right, I'm going to LIMIT my gaming to three or four nights a week, and on these other days, I'm going to do 'X' to improve the relationship and/or myself in the relationship."

Huge, sweeping changes and sacrifice aren't necessarily any more healthy than the floundering relationship is to begin with. They look good on paper, but often breed resentment, and a lot of times only serve to mask to true problems in the relationship. Like I said, my advice is worth what you're paying for it, but I'd recommend another more soul-searching session, and this time with an eye toward finding balance between the "it's all my fault" and "it's all her fault" positions.

Good luck.

Hell, I thought that was just part of his shtick. You mean Bodhis are supposed to be happy?

Next you'll be telling me that I should be happy.

Neph only frequents the finest truckstop and gas station glory holes (less teeth, Mr. Nibbles!)



I still have all my guitars in our spare bedroom closet. One of my last hurrahs of bachelor spending was on a Gibson Special Edition hollow-body. Thinking about it now, I'm gonna bring it out and play some tonight...or I'll just play EQ2. Good times, either way.

and in English?. . .

Now if you'd just said that in the first place. . . .

Finally, a breakthrough!!!!

Oh btw Bodhi, um, can I have your stuff?

And thus concludes another episode of "As Bhodi's World Turns"...

Will Bhodi find the balance for romance and addictive computer gaming? Will he still make time for **** at least?

Will Neph ever find true love at the many glory holes he frequents?

Will Nobby ever tell Darqflame about his penile erection dysfunction?

Will Goalkeeper, Smasharoo, and Patrician find their true loves amidst all the hotties at the World Cup? Or simply find it with each other?

Will DSD ever sell her home to move south to drink many cocktails with Tare and commiserate about their pregnancy aches and pains?

Will Moe and Aegisgoat ever post again on the Asylum forums?

These and many, many other questions will be alluded to on the next episode of "As Bhodi's World Turns"...

Fixed

Wow, you're bendy.

Mocktails for us.

As fixed as fixed can be.

Cu[Aqua][/Aqua]nt.

+1 Bhodhisattva