Your time has come, NobbyFollow

Love you as I do, Nobby, I still cannot forgive past offences and prior transgressions. It is time for me to rip you apart and settle the score.

Before I begin, I must admit to things that played into this thread. For instance, I admit it is difficult to flame someone you like because it takes a certain amount of distance to really get mean and nasty. In a corollary to the phrase, "familiarity breeds contempt," a new truism for the internet age might be coined: Familiarity breeds softness and coddling. However, too much vitriol, on the other hand, and the target might get genuinely offended, particularly if the subject matter hits close to home. So take this as a mark of respect that I chose one of the toughest sumbitches on this board to take a whack at. Besides, this place has been awfully gentle as of late.

You're a difficult target, Nobby, I gotta say that. The typical avenues of approach entail rants about the English concerning dental hygiene, your food, warm beer, preoccupation with stern governesses with large breasts beating the ever living **** out of naughty British schoolboys. But I wanted to try something different. Something unique.

Part of the problem is I don't really know what you do. Boy, that makes my job hard. Especially since I had elected not to go with ****-smack. That'd be too easy, heh. Gay Englishmen? Pffft, I could write a novel based on that criteria alone! Ahhh, who am I kidding? That's my stock-in-trade. So, in the end I went with a Nobby-like theme along the lines of Romeo & Juliet. I mulled over a variety of ways to go about this and I thought to make a script like you so often do. It'd go something like this:

Nobby and Totem
Act II, Scene II

Totem:
O Nobby, Nobby! wherefore art thou Nobby?
Deny this flaming and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be an Asylumnite.

Nobby:
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a flameague.
What's flameague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor Colon nor two rod **** garage, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call an ****
By any other name would smell as schweet;
So Totem would, were he not Totem call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Totem, doff thy Skivies,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all of me, for yourself.

Totem:
Speak English, muthaf0cka!

William Shakespeare:
Cut! CUT!
We 'ave some problem 'ere, Totem? Not understanding the script 'are we?

Totem:
Wtf dat biotch be talkin' 'bout?

Nobby:
Yous s'pos'ed to be in luv wit' me, you 'orse's *****

Totem:
Willy, what kind of f0cking script is this? What the f0ck is this flaming mary talking about?

William Shakespeare:
It's an adaptation of me famous play. 'Moebiuslord wrote it.

Nobby:
I'm a flaming mary am 'eye. You're the one what's running around with giant Alabama Black Snake in 'ees pants. Willum, ooo casted a damn Yank in this part anyway?

William Shakespeare:
Don't be blaming this ***** on me. Eye told you. Moebiuslord wrote it. I voted for FleaJo. Lobbed a couple 'o bags a urine at the admins o'er that one, eye did!

Totem:
I ain't following dis sheeit, yo.

Nobby:
Me minge, you cretin. Yous after me crusty minge!

Totem:
What the f0ck is a minge?

Nobby:
You know... me cooze!

William Shakespeare:
'eye didn't write nothin' bout no minge. T'is bout love, it is!

Totem:
So you want me to rip him a Tis?

William Shakespeare:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The rips and abrasions of inserted Black Snakes,
Or to take arms against a sea of flames,
And by opposing end them? To die: to flame:
No more

Totem:
You pasty white boys talk funny.

Nobby:
***** all this. What say we all go for a nip. There's a bar next to me work.

William Shakespeare:
In. Forsooth.

Totem:
Yeah let's blaze. This sucks Sab's d1ck.


Yet after having written this, I feel something is... lacking. I needed something original, something huge, a big finish, something more in the visual spectrum. So I began to dig. And dig. And, I imagine, Nobby began to think I'd forgotten my promise to smack him into next week. So after searching the web far and wide I discovered IT. Are you ready Asylum? Are you certain? There are some things that cannot ever, ever be erased from your memory. Some things the like of which you'd claw you eyeballs out if only it'd help you lose the frightening sight of.

Ok. Enough warning. Prepare yourselves for the glory that is...

























Nobby

















Is it me or does that have a shockingly close resemblence to our dear friend Nobster? Even more interesting, I found it on the same gay bar web page that Patrician frequents.

Totem

You warned me, and I clicked the damn thing anyways.

/ditto

It was cold that day. Kay?

/golfclap

hahaha! !

Hahaha. Why did I click it?! :(