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When idiots invent (Cordless Jump Rope ftw!)Follow

#1 May 30 2006 at 2:30 PM Rating: Good
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2,880 posts
That's right, it's the Cordless Jump Rope.

Quote:
WASHINGTON - If you think keeping fit is merely mind over matter, Lester Clancy has an invention for you — a cordless jump-rope. That's right, a jump-rope minus the rope. All that's left is two handles, so you jump over the pretend rope. Or if you are truly lazy, you can pretend to jump over the pretend rope.

And for that idea kicking around Clancy's head since 1988, the U.S. Patent Office this month awarded the 52-year-old Mansfield, Ohio, man a patent. Its number: 7037243.

What makes this invention work is the moving weights inside the handles. They simulate the feel of a rope moving, Clancy said. Well, it's only one handle so far because Clancy is waiting for financial backers before building its partner.

But why jump rope without a rope?

It's perfect for the clumsy, Clancy said. "If you are still jumping, you're still using your legs as well as your arms, and getting the cardiovascular workout. You just don't have to worry about tripping on the rope."

It is also good for mental institutions and prisons where rope is a suicide risk, said Clancy, who works as a laundry coordinator in a state prison. And low ceiling fans aren't a hazard any more, he said.

Daniel Wright, who features the cordless jump-rope on his Web site http://www.patentlysilly.com, can barely talk about Clancy's invention without laughing.

"What really grabbed me," Wright said, was the name the item has in its patent, Wright said.

The idea isn't all that crazy, said Mike Ernst, a professor of kinesiology at California State University in Dominguez Hills.

"I think it's silly but at the same time if somehow, some way it promotes physical activity, gets kids active, then I'm all for it," Ernst said.

The more he thought about it, the more Ernst said he could see the benefit, adding that the act of jumping, not the rope itself, is what provides exercise.

"Do you need to jump with a rope? You don't," Ernst said. "But I wouldn't buy the product, I can tell you that. I'm not an idiot."

High-tech handles aren't needed. You could even use toilet paper holders, Ernst said. On second thought, he wondered if he could patent that idea.







Right. Because if there's anything a mental patient needs, it's an activity in which they are forced to jump repeatadly over an invisible rope. Yeeeeah...

Edit: Uhh, quote not working?

Edited, Tue May 30 15:41:21 2006 by aceofwilds
#2 May 30 2006 at 3:00 PM Rating: Good
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252 posts
Now that's priceless. I really hope this gets to market...no one will believe that this exists otherwise.
#3 May 30 2006 at 3:05 PM Rating: Decent
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1,463 posts
And I thought Pet Rocks were cool!

Gimme!









(speaking of weird patents, a few years ago one was award to a guy who had invented a black box that sucks energy from the zero-field. He reasoned that when a generator "creates" electricity, where is it really coming from? The z! The trouble is that the circuit completes itself, thus shutting off the in-flow from the field and vastly limiting the energy potential. His invention leaves the circuit open somehow - magic dipoles? Elves in hamster wheels? I forget his exact thing and can't find the dumb link. Anyway, an embarrassed patent office official said they had to award him the patent because his invention wasn't really a magic black box as, the inventer pointed out, "it conserved its energy in another dimensions!" Hey, 10-1 says that other dimension is in a hollow tree!)

Edited, Tue May 30 16:50:16 2006 by EvilGnomes
#4 May 30 2006 at 3:32 PM Rating: Good
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6,471 posts
EvilGnomes wrote:
And I thought Pet Rocks were cool!

Gimme!

(speaking of weird patents, a few years ago one was award to a guy who had invented a black box that sucks energy from the zero-field. He reasoned that when a generator "creates" electricity, where is it really coming from? The z! The trouble is that the circuit completes itself, thus shutting off the in-flow from the field and vastly limiting the energy potential. His invention leaves the circuit open somehow - magic annodes? Elves in hamster wheels? I forget his exact thing and can't find the dumb link. Anyway, an embarrassed patent office official said they had to award him the patent because his invention wasn't really a magic black box as, the inventer pointed out, "it conserved its energy in another dimensions!" Hey, 10-1 says that other dimension is in a hollow tree!)


Wow. I wonder if that guy had any background in physics or electronics.
#5 May 30 2006 at 3:36 PM Rating: Good
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3,826 posts
Manfield, Ohio...1 hour north of my current location.

Say the word, this guy dies.
#6 May 30 2006 at 3:41 PM Rating: Decent
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1,463 posts
http://www.cheniere.org/references/zpepatent.htm


Here he is. Tom Bearden. He's nuts, you'll like him.


Oh, simple-minded detractors. We have ways of dealing with you - test-piloting EvilGnomes Industry's new "WINGLESS AIRPLANE" for starters.
#7 May 30 2006 at 3:55 PM Rating: Decent
Quote:
That's right, it's the Cordless Jump Rope.


Why not just do jumping jacks? You can pretend there is a rope if it blows your skirt up AND you dont have to pay the guy for 2 lame handles.

This has to be one of the worst inventions I have seen.
#8 May 30 2006 at 4:03 PM Rating: Decent
Should read, When Idiots Grant "Patents" and Idiots Allow the Granting of "Patents".

70-30 we see a constitutional amendment banning all patents this century. It's out of control. Who wants to take a guess at how many patents a company like say Microsoft files for in a year?
#9 May 30 2006 at 5:16 PM Rating: Decent
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836 posts
Quote:
WASHINGTON - If you think keeping fit is merely mind over matter, Lester Clancy has an invention for you — a cordless jump-rope. That's right, a jump-rope minus the rope. All that's left is two handles, so you jump over the pretend rope.


O_o, This is the type of thing that will become equivalent to the Tickle me Elmo and Beenie Baby wars. wtf, I need to come up with some dumb sh't like this and strike it rich.


Quote:
Or if you are truly lazy, you can pretend to jump over the pretend rope.


or... walk right through the middle and precede to your gun cabinet and take your own life for buying this. Seriously, for mental patient ok, they need special care, but not for sane people. Are people getting that lazy they can't jump over a real rope? /sigh

Quote:
You can pretend there is a rope if it blows your skirt up AND you dont have to pay the guy for 2 lame handles.


XD
#10 May 30 2006 at 5:27 PM Rating: Decent
Prodigal Son
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20,643 posts
Duke Chubbycox wrote:
Manfield, Ohio...1 hour north of my current location.

And half an hour south....east of my parents' old hometown.

People in that part of the country are eerily plain.
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we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
#11 May 30 2006 at 5:28 PM Rating: Decent
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10,755 posts
MonxDoT wrote:
Should read, When Idiots Grant "Patents" and Idiots Allow the Granting of "Patents".

70-30 we see a constitutional amendment banning all patents this century. It's out of control. Who wants to take a guess at how many patents a company like say Microsoft files for in a year?


10 trillion.
#12 May 30 2006 at 5:39 PM Rating: Excellent
Will swallow your soul
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29,360 posts
And why is the number of patents a problem?
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In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

#13 May 30 2006 at 5:46 PM Rating: Good
Ministry of Silly Cnuts
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19,524 posts
Samira wrote:
And why is the number of patents a problem?
WARNING! DAD JOKE Incoming!

Isn't that patently obvious?

/golf clap
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"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
#14 May 30 2006 at 6:32 PM Rating: Good
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2,880 posts
Quote:
Isn't that patently obvious?

/golf clap


Telescopic Putter Mounted to Headband

And because no one wants to leave the children out of the fun:

A Baby Bottle that looks like a giant Panda-Wang.

If there's one thing your child needs more of, it's Panda-Wang.

The archive is quite entertaining.
#15 May 31 2006 at 7:00 PM Rating: Good
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148 posts
Quote:
Well, it's only one handle so far because Clancy is waiting for financial backers before building its partner.


I don't know what's worse, the fact that this person has patented what basically amounts to two sticks, or the fact that he has to wait for more money to build a second stick.

Nevermind, the fact that people will actually buy this crap trumps both.
#16 May 31 2006 at 10:58 PM Rating: Decent
This all reminds me of the wireless candle.
#17 Jun 01 2006 at 3:33 AM Rating: Decent
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647 posts
If you liked that, go to www.randi.org and laugh to your heart's content (and cry a little bit) at the idiocy of your fellow beings.
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