Long freakin dayFollow

Disclaimer: Yes, this long. If you have a short attention span don't read it and GFY.

So my buddy's bachelor party was yesterday. Everyone met at one of the guys' house at 10am. I had picked up a rental 12 passanger van from Avis that morning, and stocked it with a cooler with some beer and champagne and OJ for mamosas. The van was new, and only one other renter had used it, the odometer read around 240 miles. It was nice, with tinted windows, AC, CD player, and plenty of room for 8 guys. Something bad was bound to happen.

As for the fiesta itself, we had a pretty good time. We drove down to Denver and hit Dave & Buster's for some lunch, brews, and video games. By the time we got there most of the party was sufficiently buzzed, all except for me as I was the DD. We had a cute waitress, who took care of us pretty well. We played a lot of video games, and won the groom to be a bunch of worthless crap. The rest of the party got sufficiently in the bag, while I withstood the temptation of getting just one pint of Guinness.

Around 4pm or so, it was decided rather than go to the Rockies/Blue Jays game, everyone wanted to gamble in stead. We hadn't bought tickets yet, and everyone was on board for this change of plan so it was a go. There is a small town in the mountains west of Denver called Blackhawk, that has several casinos. It ain't Vegas, but it's not bad. Personally, I had never been but the groom-to-be was a big fan of the place.

As we piled into the van to head west, I noticed the battery light had come on. I thought this very odd as the van was brand new, and mentioned it to my companions who were all beyond the point of caring. I made a mental note of it, but figured that Avis could check it out when I returned the vehicle.

We made the journey west without event, and had the valet at one of the casinos take care of the vehicle. We proceded to gamble a bit, I pretty much stuck to blackjack, and had a few hot streaks but after several hours I ended up about $50.00 out. Everyone else pretty much lost as well, except the youngest guy who had a hot streak and ended up about $100.00 ahead. There was quite a lot of eye candy around the place, I made a few attempts at making conversation with likely females, but on every occasion one of my co-conspirators would interrupt and make us look like asses. Playing DD for a bunch of drunks can be amusing at times, but mostly it's a test of patience.

Around 10:00pm it was decided we should head back, I noticed the battery light was out in the van but it came on again after we were down the road a ways. I again mentioned this to my companions, who all assured me with great authority that I was worrying needlessly and that I also had questionable driving skills. After asking if anyone else would rather drive, they changed the subject. We made it back to town, where 2 of our party called it a night while the rest of us headed for a local strip club.

I had heard stories about the place, but in the nearly 7 years in the area I had never visited it. Rumor had it that the girls were sub-par at best. Being that I had not a drop of alchohol all day I feel confident in my assessment, and I would have to disagree. I would clasify every girl there as at the least, hot. And everyone enjoyed themselves. Being as the man of the hour is a bit conservative, he clearly warned everyone that he didn't want to end up on stage nor did he want any private dances. He was perfectly content to sit back and watch the regular show.

We stayed till closing at roughly 2am, when I took everyone home. As I pulled up to the last house, the gauges in the van all died. Spedometer, fuel, oil pressure, everything. But it was still running, though the lights began to slowly start dimming. Me and my last companion did a quick cleanup of the van while leaving it running, and I headed to the gas station nearest the Avis outlet to refill the tank as I didn't want to be charged $6.00 a gallon for gas.

As I drove the lights got steadily more dim, and I ended up hitting the high beams so they wouldn't go out completely. Even though I had not drank all day, I wasn't keen to getting pulled over. I made it to a 7-11 about 6 blocks from the Avis store, and left the engine running as I gased up. At this point the headlights were completely out, and I was hoping I'd be able to make it to the Avis shop without incident. However, as I jumped in to pull away, the engine stalled on me, and the vehicle wouldn't start back up. I realized leaving the vehicle parked at the pump would not be a popular solution for the gas station management, so I managed to finally get the van in neutral and pushed it to a parking slot. This made me feel quite manly, as it was a very large van and I had no aid. Luckily, I didn't pull something.

I then pulled out the rental paperwork, which had a 24hour roadside assistance number to call. I called said number, and it rang, and rang, and rang. Apparently 24 hour roadside assistance doesn't cover 2:30am. I called several times, as I figured I would eventually get someone. I was wrong. I then proceded into the store to tell the gas station attendent the story. This guy looked straight out of deliverance, he had about 4 teeth and none of them were in good condition. However, he was quite friendly and sympathetic to my plight. I told him I would be sure to let Avis know the situation first thing in the AM, so they could get the vehicle out of the way.

I then had to walk back to my truck which was parked in the Avis lot, dragging a cooler full of beer and soda with me. Luckily, the cooler was one of the ones that looked like a baggage carry on, with weels and a towing handle. Once I got to the truck, I wrote a rather lengthy note (go figure) to throw in with the turn -in paperwork and keys to the van explaining the situation and where the vehicle was located. I also let them know I was not pleased with their 24 hour roadside assistance was in need of some work. Needless to say, I didn't get home till about 3:30am or so where I pretty much collapsed on my bed fully clothed and went into a coma for about 6 hours.

When I awoke this morning, I fired up the coffee machine and made a call to the Avis store. The woman who had worked when I picked up the van answered, and apologized quite a bit for the van's performance. She was quite friendly, and asked several questions about what exactly happened when the van died so she could inform those needed. She then thanked me, said it would be taken care of, and wished me a good day. After my first cup of joe I noticed I had a voice mail, it was from an Avis representative in Denver, and she assured me in a touchy voice that there 24hour roadside assistance did work fine, and wanted me to call her back and tell her where the van was located. She did not leave a call back number, so I assume she thought I could read her mind. I don't think I'll bother calling her back.

Summary for those into the whole brevity thing: Being a designated driver for a bachelor party is exhausting, and if you have to rent a vehicle, think twice before using Avis.

God hates sober people.

Seriously, I've had nights like that. They're what keep me from staying sober.

I dont want to be sober