The GirlfriendFollow

This is something she could work on, and that counseling could be very helpful for. I'm assuming you've already discussed this issue with her at length...


Do you find yourselves to be generally incompatable intellectually? If so, that can be a very difficult thing to deal with and if you really feel this way about her than it's also likely that you'll both end up resenting the other. This actually sounds more like your issue to deal with than hers, in my opinion.



That sort of escapist mentallity is fairly common, and again, counseling sounds like a really good option for her if she doesn't seem capable of dealing with it on her own. I admit that I have my own issues with this personally, but I suck it up and deal and realize that I'll probably just never be happy, hahaha.



2 years is a long time. The rest of your life will hopefully be alot longer.

Nexa

I assume this is the same girl that wanted to move to the other end of the country? What happened with that?

She wants to move to Ottawa which is on the other side of the country. (We have no support network there, no family, no job prospects). However her bestest friend in the world lives there, plus she also doesnt want to live in the same city for the rest of her life. She is gonna move with or without me. If I love her I will drop it all and take her over everything (notice a recurring theme?)


I pretty much sat down and told her it was not fair to give me this ultimatum which would pretty much cut me off from all of my friends and family. I also stated that moving wouldnt make her happy or fulfill some missing part of her life. If she was unhappy here that she would be unhappy anywhere.


I think that clicked with her.

Does she have a life outside of you? Good friends she hangs with? Or does her life revolve entirely around you? She needs to have something for herself, separate from you.

And she also needs to be content with herself before she can make a close relationship with someone else work.

QFT, well said, Fleainator.

I heart that.

Im sure thats what you were getting at, but I just wanted to hammer it in a bit more. You know, make sure it wasnt lost on him.

Our ideas about relationships manifest themselves in expecations. People with both rotten self-esteem and a pretty decent self-image can both have pretty selfish ideas about what a partner is supposed to do with them and for them. For example, someone witheither of these traits may expect that if someone really loves them, they should forgive them anything. This isn't a problem as long as the other person is willing to meet those expectations.

I was going to respond to this

That is, until I read this


You kill me.

God I love you, you always say the right thing.

Nexa

I'm with DSD on this one- her clinginess, negativity and insecurities could very well be a sign of low self-esteem. It's a fairly common trait, unfortunately. Unless she was with a s/o before Bodhi who perhaps cheated on her, it sounds to me like she doesn't respect herself enough, so has issues with emotional attachments and her self-dissatisfaction gets transferred to anything that makes her feel uncomfortable or intimidated. It also supports the 'grass is greener' mentality, in that she may feel that perhaps somewhere else, she can feel confident and strong. It's a form of running away.

And I won't begin to try to counsel Bodhi, but it seems to me he has to do some serious self-evaluation. As much as he loves her, is he willing to put up with her neuroses forever? That's what marriage is supposed to represent- a lifelong commitment. Unless he's 100% certain the answer is yes, I wouldn't advise getting even more invested in the relationship, without some form of counselling.

Ah, but it's always easier to give advice than take it.

My wife is the same way. It wasn't until I realized that she just really really loved me and wanted to spend every second with me that I learned to relax.

You're a fecking moran.