I'm insulted.Follow

So yesterday the boyfriend and I drove down to visit his mom and stepdad and to take her out for Mother's Day. We also decided that yesterday was the perfect opportunity to make the big announcement to them that we're getting married. We "stepped outside for a cigarette" to run through it one more time, and we were all grins and butterflies as we walked back into the house holding hands and asking them to take a seat.

---
Nathan: "Well, the reason we wanted to sit you guys down is because we have an announcement to make. We've decided to get married!"

Nathan's Mother: "Oh, really?"
---

Now, as if that underwhelming reaction wasn't enough, in the same conversation she brought up the fact that Target has jeans on sale right now. We were expecting waterworks and congratulations and excitement, and instead we got a recommendation for a nice bed and breakfast in the mountains that we could have it at. Apparently this place is owned by two lovely gay men, and Nathan's parents stayed there a couple of years ago and thought it was just wonderful. When we said that we were planning on having a church wedding, her response was "Oh, well they don't do that."

The rest of the evening was a blur of fake smiles and me trying very hard not to say anything inappropriate. Am I wrong in getting this insulted? And Nathan's crushed. This is the biggest announcement of his life, and she treated it like he had said "We're getting a cat." Even his stepfather hopped up and hugged him (and me) and congratulated us. His mother never said congratulations, she never took an interest... I was very insulted, especially after I've tried so hard for her to like me and accept me. It was obvious that this was a big deal to us, and she brushed it off as a minor thing. Why would anyone do that? Anyone have any mother-in-law-murdering jokes?

She is obviously harbouring repressed feelings about her deeply rooted wish that Nathan get with a nice girl and give her grand kids. Kids go through phases, he'd grow out of it eventually.

Come on, of anyone you should be familiar with the signs of denial.

I may not exactly agree with same sex marriage, but that was a pretty ****** thing to do.

With family being the way they are, you need to love them no matter what they do, so long as it makes them happy. Obviously it sounds like you both mean the best for each other and all that. It isn't as if you're entering into (from what I can see) an abusive or self-destructive relationship.

So, no matter how much it would hurt my principles, I think if it was my son then I could man up and be happy. Especially, right then, when he needs it.

Family is family.


Edit: A few things, one I didn't know it wasn't over being gay. Another thing is that about minute one of getting married my parents and parents-in-lawses wanted to know where the grandkids were... so I would never underestimate that drive. And then there are some people who are selfish like that, and I don't think on purpose. I've done it a few times myself and had to step back and tell myself to STFU and stop being a prick. Sometimes you've got to be slapped out of it.

Edited again, lack of coherence.
Edited, Mon May 15 11:06:34 2006 by AngryUndead

Edited, Mon May 15 11:11:43 2006 by AngryUndead

I think I'd rather have outlaws. Less annoying, less shame attached, and much more useful in a gunfight. Seriously though... I love Debra, I really do, but goddamn she can be a right *****. Nate ended up crying himself to sleep last night. Does this whole "inlaws" thing ever get easier?

no, it never gets better. From here on out, you have the power to decide how much you will let their selfish attitude hurt you. You can realize they are who they are and try to keep distance when possible, or you can let their selfishness bring you and your man down. Ive learned with my inlaws to see them as little as possible,i.e. holidays, and live my life with the one I love.

This is at least part of your problem. You've made it obvious you need her approval. This is emotional leverage she can use against you.

I'm not saying you should be mean to her, but stop caring so much what she thinks.

Aww Sabs. I'm sorry she was like that. Maybe she's not as comfortable as his dad with the situation. I'm sure she'll come around. Is he her only child? It could be she just isnt taking well the thought of losing him. Personally, I think I would have taken the conversation about the B&B and turned it around to, "Thats a great idea for our honeymoon, but we want a church weddinng.".

Ask her if she has any reccomendations for churches.

I can stand my mother-in-law over my mother anyday of the week.

May I suggest that for next year's Mothers' Day you get her flowers instead of reaffirmation? Or maybe some jeans from Target, sounded like a hint to me.

You could just take a page from her book and very calmly say "Well, that was underwhelming. I would have thought your reaction would have been more celebratory. So how much are the jeans?" You don't have to put him in the middle, but I wouldn't set yourself up for letting her include you in the shi[Black][/Black]tty treatment that she gives her offspring.

That would have been priceless.

Congratulations Sabo! Which church are you guys going to get married in? Remember to buy a wedding planner at Borders. That really helps.

Your situation kind of reminded me when I told my mom that I was pregnant. She didn't believe me. Kept saying "you're joking." I know she didn't mean to hurt my feelings. But I knew that she was kind of shocked. It was a sign to her that my husband and I were not just playing at getting married, but we actually made a life together and started a new life. Some people get really happy with news, others just don't know how to take it and react to it. My dad just got all shy because this was proof positive that his little girl was having sex.

In-laws can be a blessing and a curse at the same time. My father in law is great. He's pretty much easy to talk to and doesn't interfere with our lives. I wish my husband could say the same for his in laws.

I have to drive my mother in law to the train station a couple times a week. I permanently set my car clock ahead 5 mins just so by the time I get to the station she has to rush out thinking the train will be there any second rather than sit in my car and bombard me with inane criticism or loopy opinions. She tried to tell us the other day that drinking water might kill you, so you should only have one to two glasses a day and then only sip it, because some fraternity kid died due to forced water imbibing years ago. She also insists that turning the heat on in the car will cause the engine to overheat.

Edited, Mon May 15 13:40:46 2006 by fhrugby

Doesn't it have to be legal for them to be in-laws? And if it is legal where you live, can we ship some of our whiny ******* and lesbians down there?