A different title to this thread might have been "Next. 648. 648? I'm sorry, sir, but you are in the wrong line," or "How I came to enjoy my lengthy sojourn at the DMV" if Alla allowed longer headlines.
This is a tale of my recent visit to that bureaucratic opening to that place that smells of burning sulphur and is spelled H-E-double hockey sticks. Mind you, this is the kind of experience that can only be had at such a nexus of ne'r-do-wells and unsavory characters other than an emergency room of a general hospital on a cold winter's night in a large metropolitan city. Please excuse the language, which I would otherwise not use, but in order to get the full flavor of this interlude at the Department of Motor Vehicles I felt I had to report this as it actually occured.
So, the question is, just what, precisely, do you never-- and I mean never --say to a black woman? Particularly in a public place? Thus you have the setting for my tale:
It doesn't matter to me whether her name is Chocolate, Ebony, Honey Dijon, LaQueesha or Quadreviola; once you offend her delicate sensibilities she all over you like smell on shiet. I had spent a very unfortunate hour at the DMV last week Friday listening to these embarrassingly loud and guttermouthed 'hood rats yammering away on their cell phones, when all of a sudden I hear a male Okie voice say, "Shut the fook up, dirtbag!" A big 'ol trucker dude had finally had enough of these nasty chicks doing the Loud Ghetto thing and he finally snapped and barked that exact phrase at the two worst offenders.
Their reaction? Well, what exactly would you expect?
The largest and most gelatinously sloppy "female" water buffalo says into her phone, "Baby, hold on a sec. I gotta deal with something here..."
This was accompanied by an audible whooshing moan from the plastic government issue chair she heaves her bedraggled sweat pants clad rotundity up to where she's standing semi erect, her hoof on her hip, her head starting its Oprahfied bobble dance, when all of a sudden the humongously flabby arm starts to raise up, posturing to make her point:
"Ohhhhh nooooo you DIDN'T!!! You did NOT just tell ME to STFU!!!"
Before she could delve any deeper into her InnerOprah, a little 4'8", 85 lb Vietnamese grandmother put down her grocery bag, stood up next to LaHeiffer and said, "Ahhh, yes, he did. And I think I speak for everyone else he-ah when I say YOU ARE VERY INCONSIDERATE WOMAN! Why you talk so trash? Why you yell everyting?? You talk so loud that the "Baby" you talking to don't even need phone to hear you! You in a public building! Quiet down! Doh meh no loh!"
Unfortunately for us bemused observers, it went no further. Before LaHeiffer could come back at the trucker and the little Vietnamese lady a rent-a-cop came over and forcibly escorted her yelling and screaming *** out of the building.
It was pretty sweet though to hear LaHeiffer's trailing yell, "Get your fu[/i]cking hands offa me! You can't take me outta here! My number's next! My number's neeeeext......"
ROFL. That made the whole wasted hour worth it.
Totem
[i]Edited, Tue Mar 28 14:11:14 2006 by Totem
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You must love you some black beeyatches.
Last time I ventured to the local DMV I witnessed the touching scene of a young boy feeding gum to his little sister. The gum was originally located on the bottom-side of one of the chairs. I suppose I could have informed the childrens' mother, but then what would I have watched during my wait?
Wasn't your wife mad that you didn't stick up for her? Or has she come to realization already that you are a puss in black sheeps clothing.
Bode - 100 Holy Paladin - Lightbringer
<head wobbles in a loosely scribed circle>
Oooooohh, no, you didn't! You didn't just tell me to stick up fo' mah wife!
<makes a half hearted mad rush at Bohdi while the crowd chants, "Jer-ry! Jer-ry!">
Totem
Oooooohh, no, you didn't! You didn't just tell me to stick up fo' mah wife!
<makes a half hearted mad rush at Bohdi while the crowd chants, "Jer-ry! Jer-ry!">
Totem
Last time I went to the DMV, here in California, I could check on the wait time online and go to the branch with the shortest wait, or just wait for a different time of day to dash over. I think my wait time was about 15 minuets (and online it was estimated at 10). Vast improvement over my previous times going to the DMV, where I would wait hours.
My understanding is that our governer (arnie) implemented this and has spent a great deal of money not only on the online system but also hiring more people and upgrading equipment. (Could be totally wrong - info from la times opinion page as I recall).
I can attest to the poor equipment causing epic delays at one DMV I visited (I've been maybe five times in my life to any of them). Their copy machine had broken downstairs and since virtually everything has to be copied...
My understanding is that our governer (arnie) implemented this and has spent a great deal of money not only on the online system but also hiring more people and upgrading equipment. (Could be totally wrong - info from la times opinion page as I recall).
I can attest to the poor equipment causing epic delays at one DMV I visited (I've been maybe five times in my life to any of them). Their copy machine had broken downstairs and since virtually everything has to be copied...
So now to the important question. Since her number was next, did you step up when it was called?
Some people are like slinkies, they aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
47 posts
{snif sniff}
DO i smell americas next hot reality show....
THE D.M.V. THURSDAY'S AT 9/8 ON CBS
DO i smell americas next hot reality show....
THE D.M.V. THURSDAY'S AT 9/8 ON CBS
Good ol bobble heads. Kudos to the two that stood up and said something.
Lucky bastage only thing I ever get to see at the DMV is a line.
Lucky bastage only thing I ever get to see at the DMV is a line.
Due for a trip to the DMV soon, and already looking forward to it.
Quote:
Before she could delve any deeper into her InnerOprah, a little 4'8", 85 lb Vietnamese grandmother put down her grocery bag, stood up next to LaHeiffer and said, "Ahhh, yes, he did. And I think I speak for everyone else he-ah when I say YOU ARE VERY INCONSIDERATE WOMAN! Why you talk so trash? Why you yell everyting?? You talk so loud that the "Baby" you talking to don't even need phone to hear you! You in a public building! Quiet down! Doh meh no loh!"
XD
Here in Ga in 2003 they made it so you have to make an appointment to take the driving test. Since they've done that the DMV is a whole lot better. I'm not sure about anywhere else, but here you can renew your license online, and get a replacement one.
#12REDACTED,
Posted: Mar 30 2006 at 7:23 PM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) it's quite intereseting to call fat black chicks idiots :D
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