Is there ever a good way to tell a family member that they're about to do something incredibly, unbearably stupid?
A cousin of mine is getting married tomorrow. Found out today. She's 19, average intelligence, and naive. He's 26, lives in his mom's basement, claims to not work because he's inheriting a large sum of money as soon as his grandmother dies, and insists that people address him as "Skeeve". My cousin finds him edgy and interesting.
I find myself wanting to call her up and give advice on this but can't find a way to do so without coming off as a royal prick. I figure I've just got to let it slide.
I'll give a call to my kid brother, though, and see if he wants to go in with me on a pool for when that sh[gold][/gold]it ends up on a daytime talk show. I'm figuring fourteen months, and that it ends in abuse, though I can't say who'll start beating who.
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If it's a family member you actually care about and it's mutual, the best thing you can do is to sound like a royal prick. She'll thank you later.
If it's a family member you don't give a hoot about...start making bets with other members on how long you think this one will last before the divorce.
If it's a family member you don't give a hoot about...start making bets with other members on how long you think this one will last before the divorce.
Wingchild wrote:
insists that people address him as "Skeeve".
Hmmmmmm
Does he think he has a Demon friend named Ahaz and a Dragon named Gleep?
Well...there's no real easy way...Just tell it how it is...if she beleives you then great, she doesnt marry the looser(best describes him the way you put it) If she does marry him, then it's her own damn fault and when she's whining one day you can say I told you so. Then next time i'm sure she'd listen.
Some people are just destined to do stupid things, and they learn from them. Others do stupid things over and over and over cuz they don't learn.
Some people are just destined to do stupid things, and they learn from them. Others do stupid things over and over and over cuz they don't learn.
If you really care about her, you will walk up to Skeeve and shoot him in the face. Then she won't be able to marry him. "The Sacrifice" will get you into heaven you know.
I think unless a family member is likely to encounter physical harm, then let them live their lives as they wish, which includes making their own mistakes. If she directly asks you for your thoughts on their relationship, then fine -- let it all out on the table. Otherwise, I'd just grin and bear it.
If she doesn't realize this is a really bad idea, then it's likely one of those life lesons that just needs to be experienced. Problem is, people that naieve don't get the lesson and keep doing the same stupid stuff.
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
Baron von AngstyCoder wrote:
With a name like skeeve, she's likely to end up on the Mything Persons list.
but you could probably find her by following her Little Mith Marker's
i would say talk to her about it, but don't actually tell her not to marry him...just ask her about it, see what her feelings are on the matter (she wants to marry....but just get her thinking about it a little more)
Aadynn wrote:
Does he think he has a Demon friend named Ahaz and a Dragon named Gleep?
I think he's got a MySpace page where he claims to be a vampire of this or that line.
The guy's only real hobby is larping (Amtgard).
He is, in all ways I can see, a waste of oxygen.
Elderon wrote:
If you really care about her, you will walk up to Skeeve and shoot him in the face. Then she won't be able to marry him. "The Sacrifice" will get you into heaven you know.
Throw in 42 virgins; I'll take that deal.
I'll give her a call later and talk to her. I don't know that I'll get very far, though. My cousin's got a rebellious streak a mile wide - gets it from her mom.
My aunt got in a fight with her old man and ran away from home to join the Army at 18. Came back, decided that riding a motorcyle and playing guitar were the things that interested her in life. Did that for a few years, fell in love with some random guy, moved out to California to live the good life. Caught him in bed with her best friend out there, ditched that situation, moved home. Her life went like that for the next fifteen years or so before she finally settled down.
I think her daughter has turned out just like her, hence the weird choice of lifemate at the current age. I'll see what I can do.
Granted she's 19. I admit when I was 19 I was probably naive as well. But, one of my aspirations in life wasn't to marry some goober living in their mom's basement who is 26 years old and doesn't work for a living. Does this girl have any self esteem?
Also, where the hell are her parents in all this? I mean, did they give their blessing in this future nightmare of a marriage?
Like everyone else said, this will be one of those hard lessons that she will probably have to learn. Unfortunately, when it comes time to learn it, she'll probably have a kid and another one on the way....and look rode hard and put away wet.
Also, where the hell are her parents in all this? I mean, did they give their blessing in this future nightmare of a marriage?
Like everyone else said, this will be one of those hard lessons that she will probably have to learn. Unfortunately, when it comes time to learn it, she'll probably have a kid and another one on the way....and look rode hard and put away wet.
"Edgy and interesting" is for premarital adventuring. "Funny, kind and able to cope with a broken faucet" is marriage material.
She's going to have to make her own mistakes, I think. Talking to her will probably do as little harm as good, though, so you may as well give it a shot.
Skeeve. Bob in heaven, I had no idea such creatures actually exist.
She's going to have to make her own mistakes, I think. Talking to her will probably do as little harm as good, though, so you may as well give it a shot.
Skeeve. Bob in heaven, I had no idea such creatures actually exist.
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
there is nothing you can do, but be there to support her when it does fall apart, as it sounds like it will.
no matter what you say, she will not listen to you untill SHE is ready to leave him. she will only hate you for trying to ruin her happiness.
nothing you can do but watch her be destroyed. hopefully, she will learn from it and become stronger, and that is when you need to give her your support.
cheer up though. it has been my experience that women in theri late teens and early twenties are all about the flash, the mystery, the intregue. in their mid twenties, what was hot is not any more, and they become about security and stability. she will probably grow out of it in just a few years, weather he gets some money or not. and who knows, mabe he will figure out life is not about being handed money, but about making a life of your own someday. doubt it though, but mabe.
no matter what you say, she will not listen to you untill SHE is ready to leave him. she will only hate you for trying to ruin her happiness.
nothing you can do but watch her be destroyed. hopefully, she will learn from it and become stronger, and that is when you need to give her your support.
cheer up though. it has been my experience that women in theri late teens and early twenties are all about the flash, the mystery, the intregue. in their mid twenties, what was hot is not any more, and they become about security and stability. she will probably grow out of it in just a few years, weather he gets some money or not. and who knows, mabe he will figure out life is not about being handed money, but about making a life of your own someday. doubt it though, but mabe.
And here I thought Shadow was going to say this was the fault of the Bush administration.
Some people are like slinkies, they aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
Say something now...before they breed!
Get her to a clinic. I suspect the whole vampire thing is just an excuse for bloody ejaculate.
19 you say? Send her my way for a weekend, I'll make her completely forget about Skeeve. Yeah baby. 
I hate to say it, but trying to tell her that this is a bad idea may just backfire. She may stick with him and be miserable for longer just to show people that they were wrong about him.
This really is one of those no-win situations.
This really is one of those no-win situations.
"I have lost my way
But I hear a tale
About a heaven in Alberta
Where they've got all hell for a basement"
But I hear a tale
About a heaven in Alberta
Where they've got all hell for a basement"
Why bother potentially making yourself look bad? Wish them all the luck in the world.
Then grab yourself a big 'ol bag of popcorn and enjoy the show.
Then grab yourself a big 'ol bag of popcorn and enjoy the show.
If he really is a vampire, he'll have a monthly dose of blood for the rest of her life.
Iamadam the Shady wrote:
I hate to say it, but trying to tell her that this is a bad idea may just backfire. She may stick with him and be miserable for longer just to show people that they were wrong about him.
This really is one of those no-win situations.
This really is one of those no-win situations.
My little sister had this happen- Our father tried to intervene and "Forbid" her from seeing a guy during her senior year in HS, which only galvanized her commitment to the relationship for a couple of years, until she finally saw him for the jobless, worthless cheating ******* he was (and we'd been telling her he was all this time, she just refused to see it because, well, she has the same stubborn streak that just about everyone in my family has).
On the up side, if you do talk to her and she does go ahead with the wedding (and she will), then for the rest of your lives you'll have an ace up your sleeve in any argument.
"Mmm hmm.... like you were right about.... Skeeve?"
"Mmm hmm.... like you were right about.... Skeeve?"
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
Samira wrote:
"Edgy and interesting" is for premarital adventuring. "Funny, kind and able to cope with a broken faucet" is marriage material.
as the son of a plumber and after talking about house ownership with my lovely lady, this gave me a laugh.
(odd some of the quote didn't past properly)
Edited, Thu Feb 23 14:37:19 2006 by Ferrish
I had something similar happen with one of my best friends and my roommate for a couple of years in college.
She had been on and off with the guy several times and has never held down a real job or shown any ambition to.
I basically just told her that I didn't think this guy treated her the way she deserved to be treated and that she could find someone better. But I followed that up with, the fact that its her choice and all I want is her happiness so I'll support her in whatever she decides.
She did have several other people telling her not to marry him so I just told her once and left it at that.
She married the guy about a year ago now and she seems to be ok, I just hope she stays happy.
She had been on and off with the guy several times and has never held down a real job or shown any ambition to.
I basically just told her that I didn't think this guy treated her the way she deserved to be treated and that she could find someone better. But I followed that up with, the fact that its her choice and all I want is her happiness so I'll support her in whatever she decides.
She did have several other people telling her not to marry him so I just told her once and left it at that.
She married the guy about a year ago now and she seems to be ok, I just hope she stays happy.
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