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15 Pages of Ways To Hate Your ChildrenFollow

#1 Jan 19 2006 at 1:06 AM Rating: Excellent
Liberal Conspiracy
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Baby's Named A Bad, Bad Thing

A collection of actual posts from various baby forums asking about "unique" names and the catty commentary of the site owner. A little light reading for your Thursday workday.

Some random tidbits wrote:
I didn't have this much trouble naming my first three kids either~~they are: Michelle Kaye, Kathleen Cierra, and Abbey Julieanna. What do you think of Kaylyn Arriana? Also, do you like the spelling Kaylan or Kaylyn better?

Observe the evolution from sanity to madness. First the middle names are spelled funny, then are odd names spelled funny, then creeping into strangely spelled but normal first names, then all hell breaks loose.

great name... I love Quinlynn, have you thought about adding a sylabel to make pronuncian easier? I only say that because my name is Angelique Jacquelyn. I like Quinelyn or Quinylin or Quinalynn.

So really you're saying it to spread your misshappen evil around, making a confusing name surrealistically bizarre? Interesting.

Prayers. Before I found out I was going to have a boy, I only had girls names chosen. If I do have a girl in the future I am naming her Aria Ocean or Aria Leilani. I love original names! :-)

Behold, the latest fad in greeting people: stating a random noun. As in, "Fishsticks. My name's Aria Ocean and I'm a new-age CD compilation featuring 40 hits by your favorite artists. Like Enya..."

I originally planned on naming my boy Dakota Lee, but my nephew had a baby boy two years ago and named him that.. Now I can not find a boys name. I like Dakota... but have thought about Dacoda.. since I want to use the shortened form Cody...

Well then, go ahead. There's nothing like going through life with everyone thinking your parents are totally illiterate yuppies who think owning Dances with Wolves on DVD makes them in touch with Native Americans, until one day your kids snaps and runs over your latte drinkin' , People magazine readin' *** with your own SUV. Or you could just name him "Cody" like you want to and save yourself from having to explain to the school principal how Cody happened to obtain the .45 that was found in his backpack.

I've looked at all these comments about people who hate certain spellings, pronunciations, and strategic placings, and I just don't know what to think. When my wife and I had our first daughter, I was lucky enough to name her after a word I fell in love with from middle school. Terra was the word, but I chose not to go with the spelling, and "Tara" didn't appeal to me. I choose Taira, and my wife chose Rose for her middle name. "A flower of the earth."

"A flower of the earth." As opposed to those flowers that grow out in space. God, I hate Wiccans sometimes.
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#2 Jan 19 2006 at 1:21 AM Rating: Excellent
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Well, if nothing else at least it will make future parentocides easier to predict! Gees, I had a hard enough time learning to spell "timothy" growing up. some wierd *** name like one og those would have driven me crazy ... er!
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#3 Jan 19 2006 at 3:50 AM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
Hey guys. My wife and I are having a baby next month and we're deciding on his name. I'm a big WoW fan and going to surprise my wife with some good WoW names. I was thinking of Illidan or Orgrim. What do you guys think of it? Also are there any other cool WoW names to name a baby??? Thanks!


Amazing.
#5 Jan 19 2006 at 7:42 AM Rating: Decent
Quote:
I once met a lady named Rodana. I think she runs a successful internet business.
In her spare time she destroys Tokyo.


LOL, worth the price of admission.
#6 Jan 19 2006 at 9:40 AM Rating: Decent
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1,784 posts
Quote:
I was thinking of naming my son Toolio. Does anyone know the origin on that one?
---[Jane] DeSac
Toolio DeSac. Boy, can't think of any way that kid'll get picked on. That's one taunt-proof name there!



Toolio as in Coolio, but with an extra chromosome.


Yo-Yo-Yo Toolio, he be down with the trisomy 21, know what I'm sayin?


#7 Jan 19 2006 at 10:07 AM Rating: Decent
Quote:
I am having this baby boy on Aug 6. Dad and I love Alexander Scott but our last name is Smith. Will the initals be a huge problem? We don't want him to be teased.


Quote:
That's OK. Kids are pretty uncreative when it comes to teasing. They'll never eventually spot that one.





Smiley: lolSmiley: laugh



Quote:
How about Lou? When I was in England, I heard that name and it seemed to have a little tinkle to it. Randy is good too.


Quote:

You weren't listening QUITE hard enough in England, were you?




Smiley: lolSmiley: laughSmiley: lolSmiley: laugh




Edited, Thu Jan 19 10:14:32 2006 by Althrun
#8 Jan 19 2006 at 10:10 AM Rating: Decent
Althrun the Silent wrote:
Quote:
I am having this baby boy on Aug 6. Dad and I love Alexander Scott but our last name is Smith. Will the initals be a huge problem? We don't want him to be teased.


Quote:
That's OK. Kids are pretty uncreative when it comes to teasing. They'll never eventually spot that one.





Smiley: lolSmiley: laugh


Wow. I'm willing to bet that whoever said that was home schooled.
#9 Jan 19 2006 at 10:30 AM Rating: Excellent
Liberal Conspiracy
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I think the best one was the site author's apparent melt-down:
Quote:
i wanted to name my girl Heaven but i have been getting alot of mixed reactions to it. is it to weird?

No one liked my choice of "Solace" for my second daughter. I loved it for it's meaning (comfort). It has grown on the rest of my family though and even strangers tell me what a beautiful, unique name it is.


Really? Is that what "solace" meant? I thought it was part of a turkey for some reason. OK, that's it. I officially declare all nouns off-limits. No Heaven, no Destiny, no Solace. Too much pressure. You just know Heaven will be a miserable *****, Destiny a welfare queen and Solace in desparate need of Ritalin. No nouns. Not ever. No Hunter, no Colt, no Trinity, no Summer. No River, no Phoenix. No Attica, no Chance, no December. No Aria, no Legend, no god damn Dakota. Have you ever been to either of the Dakotas? Yeah, there's a reason. It's the same reason no one names their kids Iowa, Nebraska, Idaho or Wyoming.
Smiley: laugh
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#10 Jan 19 2006 at 10:34 AM Rating: Decent
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No Heaven, no Destiny, no Solace. Too much pressure. You just know Heaven will be a miserable *****, Destiny a welfare queen and Solace in desparate need of Ritalin. No nouns. Not ever. No Hunter, no Colt, no Trinity, no Summer. No River, no Phoenix. No Attica, no Chance, no December. No Aria, no Legend, no god damn Dakota.


One of my favorites is Chastity. It's a good way to give your daughter a head start in the race to lose her virginity.
#11 Jan 19 2006 at 12:33 PM Rating: Good
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I have a friend who worked in a law office as an intern and he told me about some of the wacky names he came across

- A set of twins named "Mali" and "Femali"
- Someone with a mispelled name of "Ima Precise Angle" instead of "Ima Precious Angel"
- Someone named "Pepsi"

There were a few others that I don't remember.
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#12 Jan 19 2006 at 12:36 PM Rating: Decent
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My cousin named his child Nevaeh

I could of slapped him ...
#13 Jan 19 2006 at 12:53 PM Rating: Excellent
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Laifierr, King of Bards wrote:
- Someone with a mispelled name of "Ima Precise Angle" instead of "Ima Precious Angel"
Are you sure it was spelled wrong? Ima's parents may have just been big fans of Euclidean geometry.
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#14 Jan 19 2006 at 1:19 PM Rating: Good
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I actually have a friend who named his newborn son after his character in FFXI. The name isn't all that bad, but I know that this takes FFXI addiction geekiness to new bounds.
#15 Jan 19 2006 at 1:41 PM Rating: Good
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my wife and i are in the process of trying to procreate and we have allready picked out a boy and a girl name. Justin Christopher for the boy and Brandi Marie for the girl.

whatever happened to nameing kids normally? john, bob, joe, and the like?

and yes i know that Brandi is spelled differently then the drink.
#16 Jan 19 2006 at 1:53 PM Rating: Excellent
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Aadynn Litefoot wrote:
my wife and i are in the process of trying to procreate and we have allready picked out a boy and a girl name. Jhuzthynn Khrystahffyr for the boy and Bhrahndie Mehyrhii for the girl.
Fixed.

Anyone ever heard that stupid radio PSA ad where a couple female workers are talking and one says that another co-worker had a baby and when asked its name says "She gave it one of those names. Like Shaneequa or Jenauqua. You know what I mean..." and the other, in a touching moment of racial understanding, pointedly says "No... I don't know what you mean."?

First off, STFU Co-Worker Number Two. You may not agree with #1's sentiments but you know exactly what she means. Not too many white folks out there are naming their kids Shaneequa. Take your passive-aggression and stuff it up your ***.

But, secondly, if I learned anything from that site, it's that for every "black ghetto" name, there's an equally horrible abortion of the Welsh or Gaelic tongues keeping the balance pure.

Edited, Thu Jan 19 13:54:43 2006 by Jophiel
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#17 Jan 19 2006 at 2:08 PM Rating: Excellent
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Pick up a copy of Freakonomics. There are a couple of really amusing chapters about parenting ("Do Parents Really Matter?") and on the trends apparent in baby names over time.
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#18 Jan 19 2006 at 2:43 PM Rating: Decent
I have 3 kids, all with "normal" but less common names because I had experience teaching preschool and worked in elementary schools. At one time I had 5 Andrews in a class of 13 3-4 year olds. This is on top of the other times I had multiple Emilies, Madisons, Caitlins, Michaels, etc.

Quote:
In a few months I'm going to be a new mom, and we know its a girl. My dh and I have been discussing names lately (we already have six children: Jack Dominick, Rose Solenne, Monroe Charlize, Ophelia Eden, Heart Scarlett, Pascal Sebastien) and our favorites right now are:


Okay, I think this lady's lying. No two people could contain between them enough evil to conceive both of this many children and this many f'ed up names. Even a godless universe contains more rhyme and reason.


This person is the reason you should have to get a license to have children.

I understand not wanting to use names off the top 10 list, however, if you see the name Heart Scarlett Jones on a business card are you going to expect her job title to be Doctor or Exotic Dancer? (Or maybe Dr. of Exotic Dancing?!)

How much respect would little Ophelia Eden have as a lawyer when she grows up?

And poor Pascal is going to have a nosebleed a day. It just says: "Please beat me up. If you do it enough, it may put me out of my misery."

If my mother named me anything like that, I would be standing around at the courthouse on my 18th birthday with a real name picked out.
#19 Jan 19 2006 at 3:00 PM Rating: Decent
My mother wanted to name my sister Claire Enette. (Clarinet)

She went with Mandy Lynn. (Mandolin)

/sigh


Thankfully, my brother and I received normal names (Bryan Scott, Derek Logan, normal, no?).

#20 Jan 19 2006 at 3:02 PM Rating: Excellent
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As I've heard it told, and I'm not enthusiastic enough to reseach fully, the name "Madison" as the first name for a girl stems directly from the 1984 movie Splash in which Darryl Hannah's mermaid character names herself after a New York street sign (i.e. Madison Ave).

Well, if not enthusisatic, "bored" works equally well. I don't know if Splash was the catalyst or not but 'Madison' first breaks into the Top 500 baby names in 1986 at #366 according to the Social Security office and climbs the charts from that point on.

Edited, Thu Jan 19 15:07:44 2006 by Jophiel
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#21 Jan 19 2006 at 3:07 PM Rating: Decent
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Jophiel wrote:
...1984 movie Splash in which Darryl Hannah's mermaid character names herself after a New York street sign (i.e. Madison Ave).


Darryl Hannah was freakin' hot in the flick.

I knew two people in highschool named Luke Warm Waters, and Crystal Clear Waters.
#22 Jan 19 2006 at 3:07 PM Rating: Good
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I went to school with a guy named Shady Lane.
#23 Jan 19 2006 at 3:14 PM Rating: Good
Quote:
A young (very young) girl had a baby in the hospital where a friend of mine works as a nurse. The nurse asked the young girl for the baby's name for the birth certificate. The girl replied that the baby's name would be (pronounced) Ah-shol-ee. The nurse wasn't sure how to spell it so of course she asked the young mom to spell it for her. A-S-S-H-O-L-E. Asholey is how she's saying it but that's how she wanted it spelled.

Update! Reader Melissa points out that while ******* is probably an urban legend, "ah-sho-lay" is pretty close to a real name: Sholeh ("sho-lay") is a Middle Eastern name, from the Farsi word for flame. And, in my opinion, it's also really pretty. If, of course, you have some sort of connection with the Middle East and aren't adopting the "random word" naming technique.


There's a good name.. Ashley Sholay. Intrinsic meaning: Flaming ***[b][/b]hole Smiley: lol
#24 Jan 19 2006 at 3:22 PM Rating: Excellent
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Some idiot on the WoW forums by way of Klyia wrote:
Hey guys. My wife and I are having a baby next month and we're deciding on his name. I'm a big WoW fan and going to surprise my wife with some good WoW names. I was thinking of Illidan or Orgrim. What do you guys think of it? Also are there any other cool WoW names to name a baby??? Thanks!
Yeah. "Suprised" will be one word for it.
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#25 Jan 19 2006 at 3:56 PM Rating: Decent
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At work I frequently come across clients that have children with unusual names. Margarita, Tequila, and names like such are pretty normal in a day's work. I had a client once though with the last name of Benz. Of course she felt the need to name her daughter Mercedes. Guess if she couldn't afford the car, she could name her kid after one.
#26 Jan 19 2006 at 4:05 PM Rating: Excellent
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Well, as to "Margarita", the drink came after the name.
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