for the masses....
Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young woman in a robe.
She says "Santa, how about giving me a special present. I know you'd like to come into my bedroom."
Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know."
The lovely young thing peels off her robe, revealing a skimpy negligee. Santa looks up from his sack of gifts, and she says "I've got something special for you Santa. Can't you stay for just a little while? I know you want me. Let me make this Christmas eve unforgetable."
Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know."
Not to be denied, she strips off the negligee, revealing her naughty bits, and they were quite nice naughty bits, I might add. And she says "Santa, this is your last chance. This body is your gift."
Santa responds "Hey! Hey! Hey! Gotta stay. Gotta Stay. Can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"
Merry Christmas one and all.
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- Merry Christmas Santa....
Merry Christmas Santa....Follow
Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me
Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd left her medication,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.
When they found her Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack.
There were hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.
Grandma go run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Now were all so proud of Grandpa,
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.
It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of pig.
And a blue and silver candle,
That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.
I've warned all my friends and neighbours.
Better watch out for yourselves."
They should never give a license,
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd left her medication,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.
When they found her Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack.
There were hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.
Grandma go run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Now were all so proud of Grandpa,
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.
It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of pig.
And a blue and silver candle,
That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.
I've warned all my friends and neighbours.
Better watch out for yourselves."
They should never give a license,
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe
Kevin Bloody Wilson wrote:
Quite often I get a thinking
How as kids we got by
Like Christmas time in our house
We couldn't even afford a fire
But we made do in our house
Back then when I was young
Dad used to suck a peppermint
And we'd all sit round his tongue
We couldn't afford no tinsel
On our Christmas tree
So we'd just wheel old grandad in
And make the old c[/i]unt sneeze...atchoo
Wheel him round the other side granny...atchoo
Well things change so bloody fast
I got children now of me own
Now I heard 'em unwrap their presents
Last night when I got home
Santa Claus you c[i]unt
Where's my fu[/i]cking bike
I've unwrapped all this other junk
There's nothing what i like
I've wrote you a letter
And I've come to see you twice
You geriatric ******
Where's my fu[i]cking bike
If i wanted a pair of fu[/i]cking shoes
I would've fu[i]cking asked
This cowboy suit and ping-pong set
You can stick right up your ****
You went and mucked my order up
It's enough to make you spew
It's not just me that's pi[/i]ssed off
My sister's cheesed off too
Santa Claus you c[i]unt
Where's my fu[/i]cking pram
You promised me you fu[i]cking c[/i]unt
You know who I am
'Cos I'm the little girl
You made sit right on your hand
Never mind your ho ho ho
Where's my fu[i]cking pram
Next time i go to see him
I'm gonna punch him in the guts
Set his fu[/i]cking reindeer loose
Kick rudolf in the nuts
Just you wait til next year
'Til we get to that store
A mate of my little sister
'll come stomping through that door
Hey mums and dads just check his breath
And watch his bloodshot eyes
Don't listen to him boys and girls
'Cos he tells fu[i]cking lies
He's a pisstake and a pervert
He's not even fu[/i]cking bright
'Cos that fu[i]cking ******
Forgot my fu[/i]cking bike
Hey santa Claus you c[i]unt
Where's my fu[/i]cking bike
I've unwrapped all this other junk
There's nothing what I like
I wrote you a fu[i]cking letter
And I came to see you twice
You geriatric ******
Forgot my fu[/i]cking bike
Yeah I'm gonna tell my dad on you
Fu[i]cking punch your head in....c[/i]unt
[i]I saw mummy sucking Santa Claus
How as kids we got by
Like Christmas time in our house
We couldn't even afford a fire
But we made do in our house
Back then when I was young
Dad used to suck a peppermint
And we'd all sit round his tongue
We couldn't afford no tinsel
On our Christmas tree
So we'd just wheel old grandad in
And make the old c[/i]unt sneeze...atchoo
Wheel him round the other side granny...atchoo
Well things change so bloody fast
I got children now of me own
Now I heard 'em unwrap their presents
Last night when I got home
Santa Claus you c[i]unt
Where's my fu[/i]cking bike
I've unwrapped all this other junk
There's nothing what i like
I've wrote you a letter
And I've come to see you twice
You geriatric ******
Where's my fu[i]cking bike
If i wanted a pair of fu[/i]cking shoes
I would've fu[i]cking asked
This cowboy suit and ping-pong set
You can stick right up your ****
You went and mucked my order up
It's enough to make you spew
It's not just me that's pi[/i]ssed off
My sister's cheesed off too
Santa Claus you c[i]unt
Where's my fu[/i]cking pram
You promised me you fu[i]cking c[/i]unt
You know who I am
'Cos I'm the little girl
You made sit right on your hand
Never mind your ho ho ho
Where's my fu[i]cking pram
Next time i go to see him
I'm gonna punch him in the guts
Set his fu[/i]cking reindeer loose
Kick rudolf in the nuts
Just you wait til next year
'Til we get to that store
A mate of my little sister
'll come stomping through that door
Hey mums and dads just check his breath
And watch his bloodshot eyes
Don't listen to him boys and girls
'Cos he tells fu[i]cking lies
He's a pisstake and a pervert
He's not even fu[/i]cking bright
'Cos that fu[i]cking ******
Forgot my fu[/i]cking bike
Hey santa Claus you c[i]unt
Where's my fu[/i]cking bike
I've unwrapped all this other junk
There's nothing what I like
I wrote you a fu[i]cking letter
And I came to see you twice
You geriatric ******
Forgot my fu[/i]cking bike
Yeah I'm gonna tell my dad on you
Fu[i]cking punch your head in....c[/i]unt
[i]I saw mummy sucking Santa Claus
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
When I was small I believed in Santa Claus
Though I knew it was my dad
And I would hang up my stocking at Christmas
Open my presents and I'd be glad
But the last time I played Father Christmas
I stood outside a department store
A gang of kids came over and mugged me
And knocked my reindeer to the floor
They said:
Father Christmas, give us some money
Don't mess around with those silly toys.
We'll beat you up if you don't hand it over
We want your bread so don't make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys
Don't give my brother a Steve Austin outfit
Don't give my sister a cuddly toy
We don't want a jigsaw or monopoly money
We only want the real McCoy
Father Christmas, give us some money
We'll beat you up if you make us annoyed
Father Christmas, give us some money
Don't mess around with those silly toys
But give my daddy a job 'cause he needs one
He's got lots of mouths to feed
But if you've got one, I'll have a machine gun
So I can scare all the kids down the street
Father Christmas, give us some money
We got no time for your silly toys
We'll beat you up if you don't hand it over
We want your bread so don't make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys
Have yourself a merry merry Christmas
Have yourself a good time
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine
Father Christmas, give us some money
We got no time for your silly toys
Father Christmas, please hand it over
We'll beat you up, so don't make us annoyed
Father Christmas, give us some money
Don't mess around with those silly toys
We'll beat you up if you don't hand it over
We want your bread, so don't make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys
- The Kinks
Though I knew it was my dad
And I would hang up my stocking at Christmas
Open my presents and I'd be glad
But the last time I played Father Christmas
I stood outside a department store
A gang of kids came over and mugged me
And knocked my reindeer to the floor
They said:
Father Christmas, give us some money
Don't mess around with those silly toys.
We'll beat you up if you don't hand it over
We want your bread so don't make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys
Don't give my brother a Steve Austin outfit
Don't give my sister a cuddly toy
We don't want a jigsaw or monopoly money
We only want the real McCoy
Father Christmas, give us some money
We'll beat you up if you make us annoyed
Father Christmas, give us some money
Don't mess around with those silly toys
But give my daddy a job 'cause he needs one
He's got lots of mouths to feed
But if you've got one, I'll have a machine gun
So I can scare all the kids down the street
Father Christmas, give us some money
We got no time for your silly toys
We'll beat you up if you don't hand it over
We want your bread so don't make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys
Have yourself a merry merry Christmas
Have yourself a good time
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine
Father Christmas, give us some money
We got no time for your silly toys
Father Christmas, please hand it over
We'll beat you up, so don't make us annoyed
Father Christmas, give us some money
Don't mess around with those silly toys
We'll beat you up if you don't hand it over
We want your bread, so don't make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys
- The Kinks
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