Just recently heard...Follow

...two lovely new euphemisms for sexual acts.

"Roughing up the suspect" (in reference to male self-pleasuring) and
"Giving up the nanny" (in reference to a married man refusing a sexual freebie from a hot chick)

No posting long lists from other sites, but what ones have you heard that made you laugh out loud? Just the thought of a guy smacking his JohnThomas around and talking rough to it á la NYPD Blue makes me chuckle.

a little long winded to use that one he he

Poking the dead possum with a stick.

Don't ask

"Investigating the crime scene" is funny. I had to think about the barber's pole, and then it made me sad.

"Making love"

Up until recently I thought it was just fu[/b]cking.

Pfft ... speak for yourself.

I'm sure it was Smoggy, I' sure it was.

Taking Captain Pickard up to Warp Speed

Okay, this is a long story, but its also entirely true.

I used to work in an office in NY, my job there was basically to wait for something to go wrong with our equipment and then fix it as quickly as possible. Since modern telephone switches are generally pretty reliable, I had a lot of free time on my hands. Time which I used to teach myself how to play the guitar and the banjo.

There were several other guitar players in the office and on occasion, we'd all sit around and talk music, or even bring our instruments to work and have informal jam sessions at lunch.

One of my co-workers, we'll call him Al (not a musician), was a real, dyed in the wool, Brooklyn wise guy. He enjoyed the various entertainment opportunities the city had to offer, and one afternoon as the day was winding down Al invited Keith (a very unpopular, overly self-righteous, holier-than-thou, Bible thumping hypocrite) to go out to the Paradise Club (a strip joint). Keith (blushing furiously at the thought of naked boobies), who lived in the basement of the Brooklyn Tabernacle, where he was restoring the pipe organ, refused, claiming he had to go home and shellac the organ.

We all got a kick out of that, and it became a popular euphemism around the office.

Some time later, when the guitar players were all sitting around talking, Keith, uninvited, pulled up a chair and joined the circle. The conversation halted, and everyone turned to look at Keith, as if asking 'what the hell are you doing here?'

Keith said, "What? I'm a musician too!"

To which I replied, "Shellacing the organ no more makes you a musician, than spanking the monkey makes me a zoologist."

I think my favorite one for female pleasuring is "stirring the soup."

OOo you mean "mowing the lawn". Got ya!

Better than "twirling the taco"?

Paddling the pink canoe is another good one for women