How AD&D Taught Me Religion :: Free Realms

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#1 Nov 11 2005 at 4:37 PM Rating: Excellent

Jophiel

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JERUSALEM -- Archaeologists digging at the purported biblical home of Goliath have unearthed a shard of pottery bearing an inscription of the Philistine's name, a find they claimed lends historical credence to the Bible's tale of David's battle with the giant.

While the discovery is not definitive evidence of Goliath's existence, it does support the Bible's depiction of life at the time the battle was supposed to have occurred, said Dr. Aren Maeir, a professor at Bar-Ilan University and director of the excavation.

"What this means is that at the time there were people there named Goliath," he said. "It shows us that David and Goliath's story reflects the cultural reality of the time." In the story, David slew Goliath with a slingshot.

Sling! Sling!!, you idiots! David was not Dennis the fu[i][/i]cking Menace! Christ almighty, where does the Associated Press think David found a God damned rubberband out there in ancient Judah? Smiley: motz

And it did 1d4 damage, so I dunno how it killed a 9' guy with a 125lb suit of bronze scale mail. Sling of Giant Slaying, I guess...

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#2 Nov 11 2005 at 4:41 PM Rating: Good

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I'm too busy mulling on how the fact that there was guy that had the same name as a biblical character proves anything...

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#3 Nov 11 2005 at 4:44 PM Rating: Decent

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Jophiel wrote:

In the story, David slew Goliath with a slingshot.

Sling! Sling!!, you idiots! David was not Dennis the fu[i][/i]cking Menace!

Ummmm...obviously they meant one of these. Have you even read the story?

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#4 Nov 11 2005 at 5:15 PM Rating: Good

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Jophiel wrote:

And it did 1d4 damage, so I dunno how it killed a 9' guy with a 125lb suit of bronze scale mail. Sling of Giant Slaying, I guess...

It was a critical hit. He also ate some berries that raised his DEX and ATK. Of course, Goliath was also drinking mead (-AGI).

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#5 Nov 11 2005 at 5:56 PM Rating: Good

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Thye were probably using Warhammer rules. I remember ripping the entire arm off a beastman with MY sling bullet.

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#6 Nov 11 2005 at 6:03 PM Rating: Decent

Reeve

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Slingshot +1, I presume.

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#8 Nov 11 2005 at 8:39 PM Rating: Good

gbaji

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AngstyCoder wrote:

Although if you used shot instead of a stone, it did 1d4+1/1d3+1 in second ed.

And yeah, that annoys the **** out of me.

But still. If we assume that Goliath was even a 1st level fighter. He'd have a starting HP high enough that a single sling bullet could not possibly take him out. Unless maybe he was criticalled and had a low con or something...

And I'd assume that Goliath would be higher level then that, right? He was the leader of an army, so that usually means he'd have to be over 10th level fighter, right? Not even vaguely in the range of sling damage. I'm thinking someone cheated.

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#9 Nov 11 2005 at 8:42 PM Rating: Decent

Kelvyquayo

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#11 Nov 11 2005 at 9:05 PM Rating: Good

gbaji

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I'm thinking that David boinked him on the forehead with the slingstone, but that didn't phase him at all. But it was amusing, and some of his men started to chuckle about it. He got angry and demanded to know who thought that was funny. When no one answered, he started going up and down the line looking for the culprit. This caused more of his men to start to laugh, trying to hold straight faces in the face of Goliath's anger.

Eventually, all of his men collapsed either laughing or from trying to hold their breath and not laugh, leading to their slaughter at the hands of David's relatively small band of men.

At least that's the version I'm sticking too!

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#12 Nov 11 2005 at 10:33 PM Rating: Good

trickybeck

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Maybe the AP reporter meant the "slingshot" as the ammunition used with a sling.

Like "buckshot," for example.

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#13 Nov 11 2005 at 10:38 PM Rating: Excellent

Jophiel

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Except sling "shot" refers to cast metal marbles designed especially to be cast from a sling. The Bible is explicit in saying David chose five stones from the ground.

At least that's how I read "shot". I don't know if you refer to filling a shotgun with found materials (rock salt, rusty nails, fire ants) as "buckshot".

Given how often David is depicted in popular culture with a Dennis the Mennis-esque slingshot, I think it's safer to assume the AP author wasn't up on his ancient weaponry.

Edited, Fri Nov 11 22:52:03 2005 by Jophiel

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#14 Nov 11 2005 at 10:43 PM Rating: Good

gbaji

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Jophiel wrote:

Except sling "shot" refers to cast metal marbles designed especially to be cast from a sling. The Bible is explicit in saying David chose five stones from the ground.

Maybe God magically made those stones just for David to find and use? Huh? Never tbought of that, did you! :)

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#15 Nov 11 2005 at 10:44 PM Rating: Excellent

Jophiel

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Of course I did. Everyone knows God made all the rocks, clouds, bunnies, grasses, nine foot tall oppressive ogre-men, butterflies, doves and ladybugs.

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#17 Nov 12 2005 at 4:28 PM Rating: Decent

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Angsty wrote:

OK.
Maybe David was a level 1 fighter.
He could have 18/00 strength
and an 18 dex.

Maybe they were using GURPS rules. A level one can literally kill anything in that screwball system if the rolls are good enough.

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#19 Nov 13 2005 at 3:28 AM Rating: Good

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The Earwig wrote:

And it did 1d4 damage, so I dunno how it killed a 9' guy with a 125lb suit of bronze scale mail. Sling of Giant Slaying, I guess...

Did D&D truly teach you anything? David lucked out twice by 1) rolling a crit hit, and 2) rolling max damage. Goliath secretly had a weak Constitution score of 8, thus suffered -1 to HP. David's 9 points of damage to Goliath's 9 HP.

I'll shut up now.

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#20 Nov 13 2005 at 8:07 AM Rating: Good

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Geeks.

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#21 Nov 13 2005 at 8:17 AM Rating: Excellent

Nobby

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Quote:

HARRY THE HAGGLER: Stones, sir?

MANDY: Naah. They've got a lot there, lying around on the ground.

HARRY THE HAGGLER: Oh, not like these, sir. Look at this. Feel the quality of that. That's craftsmanship, sir.

MANDY: Hmmm. Aah, all right. We'll have, uh, two with points and... a big flat one.

BRIAN: Could I have a flat one, Mum?

MANDY: Shh!

BRIAN: Sorry. Dad.

MANDY: Ehh, all right. Two points, ah, two flats, and a packet of gravel.

HARRY THE HAGGLER: Packet of gravel. Should be a good one this afternoon.

MANDY: Hehh?

HARRY THE HAGGLER: Local boy.

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#22 Nov 13 2005 at 10:40 AM Rating: Default

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the places listed in the Bible really existed. we have found countless evidence to support it. some of the people in the Bible have also been documented through tablets and other items from the era they were supposed to exist. the Bible, aside from its religious significance, has indeed turned out to not only be the very first history book ever written, but the most comprehensive as it encompasses many lands and many peoples.

but it wouldnt matter if they found a giant skeleton, with a name tag around his neck and a hole in his head with a stone ratteling around inside his skull, people who dont want to believe, will not believe.

for the rest of us, it is a very excieting find.

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#23 Nov 13 2005 at 11:35 AM Rating: Decent

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Not THE Goliath

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The inscription mentions two names that are remarkably similar to the name Goliath.

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Professor Aren Maeir, chairman of the university's Department of Land of Israel Studies and Archaeology, told the Post the odds of the inscription referring to the Goliath of the Bible are small if non-existent.

Maeir said the find has been dated to some 50 years after the story of David and Goliath was to have taken place. Additionally, Maeir says Goliath was a very popular type of name of that era.

Guess the slingshot is not the only part they got wrong.

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#24 Nov 13 2005 at 1:40 PM Rating: Excellent

Jophiel

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Mistress PsychoJester wrote:

Did D&D truly teach you anything?

Sorry, Chester. I played old school 1st edition AD&D.

Personally, I'd guess that David was a 0-level fighter since he worked as a shepard up until then and, when Saul dressed David in his armor, David had to take it off because he couldn't move in the stuff.

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#25 Nov 14 2005 at 3:17 AM Rating: Decent

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for the rest of us, it is a very excieting find.

How boring does your life have to be for this to "exciete" you? Please do not answer this hypothetical question, or the terrorists will have already won.

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