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Wait...is this still cool? I forget

You know, I had no clue that this thread was going to be such a hot button.

Yes, the gaming is an issue and him being addicted to the video games is an issue with me. I don't think he realizes how big of an issue, but then again I know he's got some annoyances with me that I don't realize how big they are. Tit for tat probably. Hey, every marriage is going to have issues, and I guess I could say that my marriage is lucky if being ignored because of the gaming is the worse issue I can bring up. Sometimes I feel emotionally deserted because of it and other times when we're together and the games are turned off, I'm reminded that I am the center of his life. I could just be selfish in wanting to be constantly reminded that I am the center of his life. It's built up over time and will boil over soon, but after almost 9 years of marriage, I think any issue would boil over.

My husband's parents divorced by the time he was 3. He has no relationship to speak of with his mother, but talks on a regular basis with his father, brother and sister. Myself, on the other hand, can only think of maybe one or two divorces in my entire family. There may have been a few nasty separations, but actual divorces are so rare because both sides of my family are diehard Catholics (the sin of divorce overrides any other sin in my family). And both sides of my family are very close with each other. And if anyone has seen a huge Filipino family party, they would know what I mean. But I was very lucky in that most marriages in my family (my parents included) are very loving, close and solid. My parents have been married over 36 years, my grandparents were married for 69 years before my grandfather died. In every family function or party that I can remember, my clearest memories are of all my aunts and uncles just being with their respective spouses and there were unspoken signals and gestures and I was always impressed with how much of an even keel everyone was in their own marriage.

I spoke with one of my other cousins about all this and she realized that the majority of the "grandkids" weren't married because there is such pressure on having a good solid marriage. Less than 10% of the grandkids are married (myself included) and almost all of us are have graduated from college and have good careers and have long-term relationships, but none have made the step towards marriage. They've talked about getting married "someday" just not now. I really believe most of us are scared of getting married because we can't live up to the ideal marriages that our own parents have

And looking back, I'm not even sure that I could blame the military deployments either. My husband's gaming issue wasn't that much of an issue when he was sea duty a few years ago. He just wasn't home enough to game. Shore duty for the last 3 years is when the gaming started up for long periods of time (one weekend, he was on for probably 10-12 hours on Saturday and same on Sunday). I'm pretty sure that with his transfer to sea duty, he's going to cut down on the gaming because he won't have the time. Last time he was on sea duty, he made an effort to be with me and the kids because we knew he'd be leaving soon. Maybe he just took it for granted during shore duty.

I love it! Promise to be someones companion for life and ditch them when they are feeling depressed and playing videogames!!

Whoohoo! Go Americans! We treat our relationships like our fast food :)

Thumbelyna, if you're like me and you actually care about the person you're with, go back and read my last post.

Translated:



(Fixed) =)

In other words, who ditched whom...

Edited, Wed Nov 9 17:43:52 2005 by WriteMindedLefty

It's ironic. My wife spent 4 to 5 years each, with 2 different men and had 1 child with each of them, but did not marry the fathers of her first 2 children. There were plans to marry but it ended before that happened. Then a year after she left her second child's father, and a year after I left my cheating ex-wife, we met. In 9 months we were pregnant (Planned pregnancy. Not accidental) and 12 months after we met we were married. So after nearly 10 years, spending solid time with 2 men and having children with them and plans on marriage, she married neither. With me, we were married with planned child within 1 year. Now, 10 1/2 years later (We celebrate 10 years of marriage in May 2006) we are still very much in love, extremely happy with eachother and enjoying life to the fullest raising our 2 boys (9 and 5 years old. My step-children live with other family members now after we had them for a long time).

Moral of this story: Sometimes a re-bound can be from either side or sometimes both sides, and might actually work.

Our secret? We weren't looking for someone when we met. And no, sparks didn't fly immediately and fireworks did not go off the first day we met. We actually dated and became friends before we even considered sleeping together or becoming "boyfriend/girlfriend".

In closing I will leave you all with something said to my wife and I during our wedding ceremony spoken to us by the Retired Mayor of Daytona Beach/Justice of the Peace:

"When you learn to become true friends first, and then lovers, then and only then will you succeed in marriage."

Regards,

Edited, Wed Nov 9 20:03:38 2005 by Holllow