Engagement RingsFollow

If she hasn't dragged you into a jewlery store to fawn over the ring she wants, then you are doing something wrong.

But what do I know, since I seem to be 10 years behind everyone else.

I went with the safe approach and let her pick out the style, cut, etc. There are some basics that you should know before you go out looking on your own.

If I am going to spend 2 months salary (or whatever ridiculous amount you choose), I'd rather make sure she absolutely loves it rather than likes it solely because I bought it.

Don't let her pick it out, but find out (as discreetly as possible) the cut of diamond that she prefers and the type of metal. After you know those two things (plus her ring size), you can get creative with whether or not you want small stones on either side of the main stone, if you want to do engraving on the inside, etc. Even if she suspects you're getting her a ring, she won't know for sure what it looks like but you'll be confident that she'll love it since you have a pretty good idea of her taste.

For example, I never saw the ring my ex picked out before he got it, but he knew that I preferred Marquis cut and silver colored metals (white gold/platinum/etc) over yellow gold. He picked out a gorgeous ring going on that and I was still surprised. :)

Nexa

P.S. Congratulations even just for thinking about it, it must mean you are happy :)

I chose my ring but in all honesty I would rather have not. Husband was so worried that I wouldnt like his taste that I was dragged to the store.

I may be a minority for girls, but for me it's the thought that counts behind the ring itself, not the ring alone. Even if it was a hideous thing, I'd still cherish it knowing my husband had taken the time to find one he thought I would like.

If you're unsure of her style in jewels you can always steal her best GF and have her come ring shopping with your. Your lady's best friend should have an idea of what might work. And if your GF doesnt like the ring you can always blame it on her friend

Not to hijack but is this the current member of the family drama or was there a prior run around the block?

I was just wondering if you're referring to the father of your child as the "ex"

The plot thickens, eh?

haha, no, I was once engaged to my highschool sweetheart, but we broke up during my freshman year at college (primarily because he wanted me to drop out and just be a wife and mother...not that there is anything wrong with that but it's not me).

My husband (father of child) and I are still together. We never did the ring thing though. I'm thinking we might at least get bands sometime in the next couple of years, haha.

Nexa

I must admit, I noticed and was wondering as well. Inquiring minds, and all that.

Go for it. Just note what type of jewelry she usually wears and what kind of style she has. If she's a conservative gal who doesn't much like jewelry and is more practical, a solitaire with a cut that won't snag much will do. If she's a hippie chick, some thing more elaborate and romantic, maybe vintage. If you know what any of the terms I'm using mean, (ie: "cut", "vintage", "snag", etc), you're already better off than the average male and I'm sure you'll do fine.

It's actually pretty easy with most girls, all you have to do is comment on someone else's ring. For example, waiting in the grocery line you see an engagement ring on a magazine cover and say something like "God, that ring is hideous, why would anyone want a diamond that big?" Then she would likely chime in with her opinion on it and you can innocently ask slightly more probing questions or make comments like "I think the platinum rings are nicer looking than the yellow gold rings anyway..etc" and see what she says. Most girls are MORE than happy to make their preferences in that department very clear.

Nexa

Of COURSE she is, but she'll PRETEND not to notice. Good lord, don't you know how this works. It's just like Christmas presents where you bookmark the catalog page or leave a webpage up by accident with the stuff you want on it. Give the girl a chance, haha!

Nexa

I DO know how this works, however when it comes to suprises I like to operate so it comes completely out of the blue!

I'm not allowed to get into tirades about the evils of DeBeers and the created "tradition" of the diamond engagement ring with the ladyfriend if I know what's good for me.

And I do know what's good for me so I'll shut up now lest she read this forum.

The whole notion really sours me to the practice. The tradition of the union ring itself is fairly well rooted in our history, but the mass commercialization of the process disgusts me. What's worse is that it's so well ingrained in our society that it gets propogated so easily by the ignorant.

In the end there isn't much you can do about it. Just pucker up, get a fatalistic attitude, and buy her the thing. Deep inside, you know it's wrong and you will feel dirty...but if she thinks it means you love her then you do it.