Patient says: "I don't know how I've put on weight! I eat like a sparrow"
Doctor Hears: "I eat 25 Big Macs a day"
Patient says: "I only drink socially"
Doctor Hears: "I'm usually off my tits on cheap supermarket sherry before the breakfast news has finished"
Patient says: "Little Johnny was vomiting all night!"
Doctor Hears: "He hiccupped at 10pm"
Patient says: "Little Johnny was projectile vomiting all night!"
Doctor Hears: "He hiccupped at 10pm, and I am a school teacher"
Patient says: "Can you give me anything for the pain Doctor?"
Doctor Hears: "My stash ran out and I'm hoping you're not picky about doling out opiates"
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What Doctors hearFollow
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
Patient: I brush and floss like pretty much everyday.
Dentist: I take care of my teeth like a buc-toothed cricket watching Englishman.
Patient: It hurts when I pee. I think I have galblader stones.
Doctor: I hooked up with the dirtiest hooker ever last night.
Doctor: I hooked up with the dirtiest hooker ever last night.
Patient Says: "Blah Blah Blah."
Doctor Hears: "MONEY!"
Doctor Hears: "MONEY!"
It take one pretty disturbed person to enjoy being a proctocologist.
Alma wrote:
I lost my post
.........or a dentist
Alma wrote:
I lost my post
or a podiatrist.
Alma wrote:
I lost my post
Patient Says: I don't have insurance.
Doctor hears: Please give me the run around, I am due for an *** fuc[b][/b]king.
Doctor hears: Please give me the run around, I am due for an *** fuc[b][/b]king.
ElderonXI the Wise wrote:
Patient Says: I don't have insurance.
Doctor hears: Please give me the run around, I am due for an *** fuc[b][/b]king.
Doctor hears: Please give me the run around, I am due for an *** fuc[b][/b]king.
Edited, Sat Sep 3 20:49:04 2005 by PottyMouth
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
In capitalist America:
Patient Says: I have insurance.
Doctor hears: I have already paid for your services and have basically no leverage to do anything but take whatever you are willing to give me. If I get pissed off enough, I might sue but likely either: (a) I will not bother or (b) I don't have the money.
Patient Says: I don't have insurance.
Doctor hears: There is a 99.99% chance I have no ability to pay for what you provide. Any help you offer will not be paid for, unless it turns out I'm independantly wealthy.
I have no problem with the US system of healtcare except that if one doesn't know how to play the system, one may die, needlessly, for want of services one has already paid for.
Edited, Mon Sep 5 18:49:39 2005 by yossarian
Patient Says: I have insurance.
Doctor hears: I have already paid for your services and have basically no leverage to do anything but take whatever you are willing to give me. If I get pissed off enough, I might sue but likely either: (a) I will not bother or (b) I don't have the money.
Patient Says: I don't have insurance.
Doctor hears: There is a 99.99% chance I have no ability to pay for what you provide. Any help you offer will not be paid for, unless it turns out I'm independantly wealthy.
I have no problem with the US system of healtcare except that if one doesn't know how to play the system, one may die, needlessly, for want of services one has already paid for.
Edited, Mon Sep 5 18:49:39 2005 by yossarian
Patient says:"My husband's been an as[/b]shole non-stop."
[b]Doctor Hears:"My menstration cycle is off again."
Edited, Mon Sep 5 18:55:56 2005 by Rimesume
[b]Doctor Hears:"My menstration cycle is off again."
Edited, Mon Sep 5 18:55:56 2005 by Rimesume
Patient: I accidentally sat on this cucumber
Doctor: My f[b][/b]ucking boyfriend let it slip up a little too far again.
--DK
Doctor: My f[b][/b]ucking boyfriend let it slip up a little too far again.
--DK
Reversal!
Doctor says: "This might be a little cold"
Patient hears: "I'm going to shove something up your ***"
Doctor says: "This might be a little cold"
Patient hears: "I'm going to shove something up your ***"
Patient Says: "Nice to meet you Dr., I'm FourthReich."
Doctor Hears: "If you need any cu[b][/b]nts washed out, I'm your man!"
Patient Says: "She fell down the stairs."
Doctor Hears: "The dumb ***** just wouldn't LISTEN!"
Doctor Hears: "If you need any cu[b][/b]nts washed out, I'm your man!"
Patient Says: "She fell down the stairs."
Doctor Hears: "The dumb ***** just wouldn't LISTEN!"
Jacobsdeception the Sly wrote:
Patient Says: "Nice to meet you Dr., I'm FourthReich."
Doctor Hears: "If you need any cu[b][/b]nts washed out, I'm your man!"
Doctor Hears: "If you need any cu[b][/b]nts washed out, I'm your man!"
How touching, you remembered my name.
AngryUndead wrote:
Patient Says: "Blah Blah Blah."
Doctor Hears: "MONEY!"
Doctor Hears: "MONEY!"
so true
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