I'm listless.
I just finished up my 3rd year of school with one and half years to go. I don't think I'm going back, at least not right away.
I've always done well in school, it was always assumed that I would goto University or College. When I was close to finishing highschool it became apparent that I was going to have to pay my way through and that my parents would only be able to provide minimal support. So I got a job and worked like a dog for two years and saved up. Then when I did goto school I worked practically full time while going to school full time. Thus year three and no loans or debt.
3 years later I'm burnt out. I know the material front and back but I'm bored with it and my grades are slipping. The thought of another year of school actually makes me feel physically ill. I mentioned taking a year or a half year break to wind down and save up some more money and everyone acted like it was the end of the world.
Then there is the job. I have an extremely well paying, flexible job that pays my way through university. I hate it. I know everyone hates their job, thats why its a job. However I don't just hate my job I despise it. I walk into the place and I feel sad. I intimated that I was looking for another job maybe something that pays less but I would be able to tolerate more. Once again the family went crazy. "How could you even think of giving up that job!!!" kind of deal.
So I hate my job and I hate school which is a pretty big chunk of my life. The usual laid back fun and friendly Bhodisattva that everyone knows is now a recluse, grumpy, surly, and all round not his normal self (as some of you might have noticed on the forum). I am faced with the age old dilemma of doing what others want and being unhappy or doing what I want and having to let a lot of people down. There really is no dilemma I am going to do what I want but I am fully aware of what is coming my way when I do it and I am not looking forward to it in the least. I'm also terribly worried of "where do I go from here" since I have no clue what I want to do, where I want to go, what is going to happen.
I told my family that I wasnt going back to school firmly and they have been almost in denial acting like I am joking. Once the move in with the girlfriend is done and everything is settled and payed for I am quitting my job and not looking back.
Yes I know this post has no point, yes I know most people dont care but f[/b]uck it I needed to get things off my chest and since I consider the Asylum to be my own personal journal Iam going to post it. Any haters can f[b]uck off and eat a d[b][/b]ick.