Late vs. LATEFollow

So my husband is getting a new job, moving to a new company along with his former boss. As a way of saying goodbye to the rest of the group his boss was holding a bbq tonight. Thursday nights is a late night for my husband anyways, where hes usually home around 7:30. He told me he would be a bit later than normal but not too late. Fine, no biggie at all.

On top of this my son spent last night at my moms and it was an understanding my husband would pick him up on the way home. So tonight I head off to work, get home arounf 8:30 and no sign. Thats fine, I expected him home around 9 or so. 9pm rolls around though, and my mom calls me. She lives 45 minutes away, mind you, and wants to know where hubby is to pick up my son.I have no clue. I figured my son would have been picked up by now. I cant call him as he forgot his cell phone at home, and I dont know his bosses number, but Im not too worried yet. I ask her to call me in 30 minutes if he hasnt shown up by then.

9:30 rolls around she calls, says no word from hubby and my son is getting very tired. His bedtime is 8:30. So now I start to feel that little worm of fear crawl across my stomache. I knew he was going to be late, but I wasnt under the impression a bbq would last past 9:30.

It's now 10pm and I finally get a call. Its my husband, hes at my moms house, and she must have told him I was worrying since I had no word from him. He's now pissed off at me because he told me he was going to be a little bit late. I replied that I guess his definition of a little bit late and mine are different. Alittle bit late says in my mind an hour or so. Not 3+ hours as it is still going to take him 45 minutes to get from my moms.


I am not so pissed at the fact hes later than I thought he would be. If he wanted to be out later I could have cared less and made arrangments to get my son myself. What Im pissed beyond measure right now though, is the fact that he never defined his idea of "late" and is pissed off at me for worrying. He even threw in the comment that maybe he shouldnt go out anymore. Now cmon guys. How fuc[b][/b]king hard is it to tell your wife how late you're going to be, esp when you have the responsibility of getting your son, or to drop a simple phonecall? And why is it that people feel the need to lash out at a person for worrying about them with no word? I wasnt rude, I didnt yell,curse, or talk cold. I was just relieved to hear his voice but I barely had a chance to say a word before he bombarded me with this defensive crap.



ok Im done venting. Im going to go have a ciggerette and hopefully some neighbor will walk by and make a comment

he has a cell phone but he forgot it at home this morning. But I dont see how that could have prevented him from using a phone at his bosses house just to give me a heads up, or have a rough estimate of a time prior. As I said earlier I could really care less if he came home at 2 am. He does often since his band plays out a few times a month. But what bothered me most was that there was no call or explanation to tell me when to expect him, and that he basically flipped out on me when he called from my moms house.


I just got off the phone with my mom, wondering if she had said anything to get his feathers ruffled. All she had done was to say to call me as I was worried.

the understanding was me asking him if he would like to pick our son up after his bbq or would he like me to do it, where he then said he would do it as it was on the way home.


His boss lives minutes away from where he works, which means that if my husband gets out at 6:30 (Takes an hour to come home which is why it would be 7:30 on Thursdays) he would have time to schmooze. And if he DIDN'T, I would have no problem about it if only I had known he was going to be staying later, not just "a little bit later" or if he only took 2 minutes to pick up the phone and call to let me know he was still at the bbq. Its not that hard to make a phone call.



The biggest thing that ticks me off though, is the response I got when he finally did call, after my mother suggested he give me a ring. I wasnt angry or mad. I never acted like it. I didnt jump on him, or yell or anything. All I got was a chance to answer the phone when he said my mom told him I was worried and he started bi[b][/b]tching and making comments that sounded scarily enough like I had him on a short leash. he turned the tables and made me out to be a bad guy for worrying about the safety of my family without me ever getting a chance to say anything until the end.


I am a woman who understands the need for "me time". Trust me, I dont get enough of it and I value that time alone for myself more than many people. And because of it, I respect anyone elses "Me time" as well, including my husband. I dont nag him or make him stay home ever. If he wants to go out with his friends, I have never once in 9 years made a comment or given an attitude. I just wave him off and say have fun. So the comment he made about staying home from now on, implying I never let him do what he wants was a shock and a low hit below the belt.

Maybe he was so defensive because he had something to hide?

Mother in law was not brought in, mother in law was worried that he had not picked him up yet because he has forgotten to pick his son up in recent history and was wondering if it had happened again.


it was a miscommunication, but like my husband, Gbaji, you seem to be missing the point of my own anger. Try to pretend your a woman for one moment in your life and see if you understand my point, instead of writing down a whole bunch of words trying to make it look like you know what youre talking about.

1. I am not mad my husband was later than I thought.

2. I was annoyed that there was no phonecall or message to let me know a general time he would be home as it is a weeknight and he needed to pick up my son. And FYI my son is three so getting home at 11:30 (they just walked in the door 10 minutes ago)is a bit much, especially since Im the one who will have to wake up to him early in the morning, cranky because of his lack of sleep while my husband saunters off to work. I would have appreciated more knowing prior a general time, but a phonecall would have been cool.

3. Im beyond mad for the way he acted to me when he called at my mothers request. I did not ask my mom to have him call me. I asked HER to call me when he left so I knew he had made it there. But she asked him to call me knowing I was worried and it was her way thinking it would make me feel better to know he was alive and not roadkill.

The point you're skating over, Gbaji, and I'll make it very bold and clear so you dont miss it yet again, is the fact he made insulting, scathing comments to me, without me saying a word prior, about me being worried. He implied I kept him on a short leash and sarcastically made the comment that maybe from now on he should never go out and should always stay home with me. Do you get it now? Is it sinking in? Are you yet realizing what I am mad about? It has less to do with miscommunication and more to do with the fact he felt it was ok and a good idea to verbally imply and accuse me of keeping him from a good time when all I had done for the past couple of hours was worry about the safety of my husband.


Now if you still dont get that, there is no hope for you. And seriously, dont try and excuse behavior like that to me, or anyone here. There is no way that is a good thing to do to any person, let alone a spouse of 9 years who has never once made any comment or gesture to imply it was not right for their partner to go out and have fun.

Trouble in paradise!

well he didnt make me feel bad he just pissed me off. He knows it too. Walked in here like a whipped puppy and barely said two words to me, not even looking me in the eye before he skulked off to bed.

somehow I doubt I'll get flowers. I dont think he knows what they are.

Ok I hope I don't **** the OP off.

You had the right to be worried. And ideally he should have called to "reconfirm" his whereabouts and "whenabouts".

BUT -and the guys know what I'm talking about- almost every man goes through a period between high-school and marriage, when he learns the pleasures of a free bachelor life. That includes going out, coming back home ANY time he wishes, and gets EXTREMELY defensive if critisized about it.(Note extremely defensive)

Marriage has a lot of benefits, but one of the cons is losing the privilege of that lifestyle. And believe me when I say, it's no easy sacrifice if a man gets used to it during his younger years. And a man NEVER loses the yearning for that little window of complete freedom again. My father is 55 Years old, and he can't wait till my mom goes abroad for whatever reason, for him to "relapse" back to what he used to do when he was 20. That includes all-nighters, friends staying over, prolonged card-games with cussing that would make your skin crawl, snide remarks about pretty young women ....etc (He's the quiet, polite type believe it or not).

Now I don't know if any of the above applies to your husband in particular. But please understand that a man sometimes needs to feel absolutely FREE. He probably thinks he did his duty by telling you he's going to be late, period. Chances are, just like most men, he wanted to forget that he's tied to a wife and family for a free lapse of time, and do whatever he enjoyed in the past (not breaking any marital rules though ;) ).

So I don't think this requires councelling, or a long talk or any of that Oprah crap. Let it be. He wanted to enjoy his freedom for a few hours. He was late for once. Let it slide, no biggie. He thought he did what he should, and when he was still faced with worry (polite or not), he flipped because that was his "window of freedom". Is it a healthy attitude? NO. Should you make a big deal out of it? Not if it's a rare occurence.

Edited, Fri Jul 29 05:14:19 2005 by GregoryTheWatcher

I'm not trying to defend him. Hence :





Whatever I typed inbetween those two paragraphs, was to try to help her understand why he acted the way he did (In my opinion).

That's not a very nice thing to say. The woman is pissed. And now you're hinting that he has been cheating on her?

Dont worry you'll make up tonight. Just try not to break the bed.

You know you love it DSD, without me using new and exciting words, your vocabulary would only consist of "So, how do you want it? Short at the sides and long on top?" or either of these three:

1) My husband has been slamming another woman, and now i'm pissed.

2) My un-holy ******* of a child failed finger painting in Kindy because I didn't know how to help him with it.

3)Look at me i'm wild and quirky and dyed my hair another colour! Never mind that i'm 30 and a washed up crackwhore, i can still kick it with the youngins!