Top Tips and Handy Hints :: Free Realms

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#1 Jul 18 2005 at 3:52 PM Rating: Good

Nobby

Ministry of Silly Cnuts

19,524 posts

Well since this place is fast turning into a parody of artcles in Women's magazines you read in waiting rooms, let's share those neat short-cuts in life. I'll start:

Birdwatchers. Save money on expensive binoculars by standing significantly closer to the thing you wish to observe.

Motorists. Pressing your 'fog lights' switch a second time after the fog has cleared will actually turn your fog lights off.

Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.

Athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower

Old phone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed

Taxi drivers. Why not pop into the garage and ask them to fix your indicators lights for you so that other motorists know where the fu[i][/i]ck you're going.

____________________________

"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve

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#2 Jul 18 2005 at 3:59 PM Rating: Good

__DEL__1592257813098

Scholar

5,135 posts

Quote:

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed

LOL

Any ideas on what I can do for a five month old with his first cold that won't stop crying?

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#3 Jul 18 2005 at 4:01 PM Rating: Good

Nobby

Ministry of Silly Cnuts

19,524 posts

Leprechauns. Protect your finances by investing in a tracker fund, rather than relying on an ailing currency and leaving a 300foot technicolour arrow in the sky pointing to where you have hidden it.

Movie-goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a **** before the film starts.

Don't waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

Edited, Mon Jul 18 17:02:47 2005 by PottyMouth

____________________________

"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve

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#4 Jul 19 2005 at 3:44 PM Rating: Decent

__DEL__1593365034202

Scholar

327 posts

Quote:

Old phone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed

Hilarious! I always wondered if I was the only one with a though process this strange.

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#6 Jul 19 2005 at 5:24 PM Rating: Good

Nobby

Ministry of Silly Cnuts

19,524 posts

AngstyCoder wrote:

Nobby:

Do you take a **** or have a ****?
Curiosity about Brits again.

In your case I take a sh[i][/i]it. Smiley: sly