The TRUTH about being gay:Follow

Since it's such a popular conversation topic around here, I thought I'd make one big definitive post on homosexuality, dispell some rumours and propaganda (on both sides), and generally just vent my spleen about the whole thing.

First of all, you know that flaming queen lisping drag-wearing interior decorator FABULOUS stereotype? Is it true? Sometimes. Just like the dumb jock sometimes really is just a dumb jock. Or the vapid cheerleader. Or the shady used car salesman. Or the ghetto-rocking drug-dealing car-pimping young black man. I've got bad news for you: sometimes stereotypes are true. Because of the whole politically correct movement, we've all been taught to think that stereotypes are bad m'kay? And usually they ARE bad. Because when you apply a stereotype, you're holding to the blanket belief that ALL members of a particular group act like that. Just because stereotypes are bad, that doesn't mean they're not BASED in truth. The gay community has plenty of flamers and drag queens and muscle daddies. And we've got a whole lot more of just about every other "type" of person you can imagine. So, while the religious right would like you to believe that we're all decadent sinners, and while the liberal left would like you to believe that we're all typecasted and unfairly maligned Everyday Joes, neither is true. And yet both are. That's what's so nasty about stereotypes.

Secondly, is society harmed in any way by the existence of gays? I honestly don't think so. Humanity has gone on for thousands of years despite the fact that a certain percentage of every population has always preferred sexual/romantic/social interactions with their same gender. Fundies would like you to believe that homosexuality is decaying the fabric of our society. Yet other nations around the world have a much more tolerant overall view of homosexuality and yet they haven't resorted to civil war yet (at least not that I'm aware of. Who knows what those crazy Canadians have planned now).

Third, "gay pride". A lot of people don't seem to understand what it's about. After all, straight people don't have "straight pride parades", right? You have to understand what "pride" means in this context though. ANY TIME you're a part of a minority group, you're confronted with a lot of images everyday that you can't identify with. Black pride doesn't mean that you somehow feel pride at the accomplishment of being born with the right genes to be of African descent. It means that you accept that you belong to a minority group and that you're proud of the unique differences that set you apart from the majority. It's no different from gay pride. Gay people can't identify with a lot of the images they see every day, and there are large sectors of "majority life" that we don't really understand. It's only natural to want to be around other gays and lesbians sometimes and to be able to celebrate what makes you unique, to know that you're accepted when society at large isn't always accepting of your differences. It has NOTHING to do with us feeling that we're somehow superior, and it has EVERYTHING to do with us feeling "just as good as".

Lastly, I just want to address for a bit what it's like for me being gay. All of this is my personal experience, so it doesn't apply to everyone, just me. But I can tell you in no uncertain terms that, despite the propaganda, I did NOT *choose* to be gay. I fought it tooth and nail throughout my teen years. I sought counselling. I sought religious support. I talked to my mother, to a therapist, to my church pastor, I even wrote letters to several national organisations like P-FLAG and Focus On The Family, just trying to understand what was happening to me.

I knew I was different when I was about 12, but I didn't quite understand how. But as time passed, things came more and more into focus and I started freaking out worse and worse. I was raised to be a Proper Southern Baptist, and in that particular church, homosexuality is the most vulgar and horrible sin you can commit. So, I would've given anything to just be "normal" like all my other friends.

But it wasn't a switch I could turn off and on, it wasn't something I could control. So, after years of fear and desperation, I gave up trying to change and instead I tried to focus on hiding it. Of my family, only my mother knew. Of my friends, only my best friend knew. I was deeply ashamed, because I felt like I was SUPPOSED to be ashamed. I thought about suicide often, and I tried twice. High school was a living hell for me. I felt lonely and outcast.

All this, and I'd never so much as kissed another boy. And all the "help" I was trying to get was a joke. My therapist kept asking me how I felt and wasn't providing me with any answers. My guidance counsellor in school suggested I keep it hidden and not say anything to anyone. My church pastor outted me to the entire congregation because he felt that they should all be praying for my certain-to-be-damned immortal soul. P-FLAG told me they couldn't help me unless my parents authorised them to contact me, because I was a minor. Focus On The Family sent me back a very nasty typed letter telling me that I was a disappointment to my family and my community for straying down such a perverse and unnatural path, and they requested that I not contact them again unless it was to request the contact information for an ex-gay ministry in my area.

After all this, my junior year of high school I finally decided to think for myself. I looked at everything very logically, and I removed everything that I had been told by others from consideration. And once I'd distilled the whole issue down to its core, all I was left with was one question. "What's the difference?" So I was attracted to people with penises instead of people with vaginas. Other than the one detail of gender, what difference did it make? None that I could see. Was I capable of loving another male in the same way my best friend loved his girlfriend? Yes. Would my attraction and emotional attachment to someone of one gender instead of the other cause anyone any harm? No. Did I actually BELIEVE the teachings of the Southern Baptist church, regarding homosexuality or any other issue? There were some things I agreed with, but the vast majority of their teachings I already disagreed with anyway.

So, I was capable of having the exact same feelings for a male that a "normal" guy would have for a female. Obviously there wasn't anything wrong with those feelings *themselves*, since it was ok for straight guys to be attracted and fall in love with girls. The only way my being in love with a guy could harm another person would be if THEY chose to make an issue of it, because in no way would my choice of relationship partners have any bearing on anyone's life but mine and my partner's, so there wasn't anything wrong with the feelings NOR with the gender they were directed towards. And if I didn't believe in most of the details of the Baptist faith anyway, I didn't have any spiritual reason to feel that I was doing something wrong.

So what else was there to worry about? I wasn't doing anything wrong, I wasn't doing anything "right but with the wrong PERSON", and my religious beliefs didn't condemn it either. There was absolutely no reason to be ashamed of who I was. And from that point, I stopped stressing over it. I guess I "came out" at that point, though I didn't make a big deal of it. After all, once I'd thought about it logically, being gay isn't much different than having red hair, and I don't make a big deal about THAT. And trust me when I say, my life has been DRAMATICALLY better since I thought everything through for myself instead of relying on others to tell me the difference between right and wrong. Through long talks and much philosophical debate, my mother has converted to the Methodist church and she fully supports me on a maternal and spiritual level. My dad, while still a little squicked out about the whole thing, has come to totally accept me as well. And I've spent a lot of time volunteering and counselling gay teenagers, some of whom I'd like to think I've helped out of that nasty cycle of self-hatred I found myself in when I was their age.

And that's my view of things. I don't claim to be right, but my beliefs feel right to me, and that's really all that matters.

Smooches and a reach-around for Varrus. ;)

Edit: I really do love the word vapid. Can we make it Word of the Week?

Edit 2: Sorry for channeling Gbaji. I'll restrain my next 5 posts to... uh... 50.. words or less to make up for it. Promise. =)

Edited, Wed Jun 29 14:22:48 2005 by Saboruto

/applaud

You go, girl.

Sounds like you had a real diffucult time, I am sorry to hear people can be so cruel. I myself have had friends that were homosexual, but I will never understand the attraction between a guy and a guy. I like boobs a little too much, I cannot even be attracted to a female with a small chest for this reason.

I think it may be starting to make sense to me. You like *****, like I like boobs. So could you be attracted to a girl if she had a *****?, and do you like boobs at all and just dislike vaginas?

That is just wrong, the pastor should have been more understanding and kept it to himself, even if he didn't agree with your choice.

Had you expressed heterosexual desires, would he have then gone in front of the congregation and said..."Ladies and gentleman of the congregation of the 1st Baptist church of Greenville, little Jimmy has confessed to me he is straight and would like to boink the church organist, now could we all bow our heads and pray for his wayward soul."

Edited, Wed Jun 29 14:32:54 2005 by RedjedBlue

Fixed.

you were probably just too old for him

Doesn't take you long, does it?

If it takes you considerably longer, you might want to ask yourself what you're doing wrong.

Yes but you see...

Gbaji isn't actually interesting.

you can't prove it's learned either

How old are you?

Old enough to recognize the obvious insanity of what you consider to be moral.

Varus