To the Mommies and DaddiesFollow

You're getting married, and don't yet know how to do it?

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Here's what you do. You move to the subarbs. You quit your job and become the stay at home dad. Look for homes that have been re-po'd for back taxes. Buy it super cheap. End of story.

I stay at home during the day with my son, and then work at night. It gives me the time to be with my son and watch him grow, which is something I had always wanted to do. Mr. DSD and I had discussed this before kids so we knew I would be cutting back my full time job to only a few days a week, which later on became nights to delete daycare.

I dont know how people can afford day care. Where I am more than 2/3 of what I was pulling in paid just for daycare, really only leaving a little bit for pocket money. After two years we sat down, rebudgeted everything, and realized with me staying home during the day and working nights, we would be making more money than if I worked full time.


The best thing you can do with your lady love, is to have both of you sit down, and play around with your budget, with both incomes and then without one of them. See what works best financially. Also, before you guys stay where you are and think the grandparents are going to raise your child while youre working, make sure that they know thats what youre thinking and are behind it 110%. The only thing I can think of negatively with this, is to expect them to tell you how to raise your child. It doesnt mean it WILL happen, but it can, since they will feel they spend more time and thusfar, know your child's behavior better. It happened to me while I had to put my son in fulltime daycare in the beginning and while I had to work 2 jobs with my sister in law. Sometimes family is a blessing, others you just want to smack them.


But above all, really think on your options and then go with what you bost feel is the "right feeling" even if it means you may be further away from parental units. Besides, they have cars, they can come visit you. You'll just get a nice phone call prior to them knocking on your door


edited to add, no matter what decision you make, it will not affect your relationship with your child. You will be your childs daddy. End of story. You know that, they know that, do not feel that you working to provide them with a safe enviorment will mean they wont recognize you. As long as you both take the time you have with your child and make it true quality time, thats the best thing you can do

Edited, Thu Jun 23 13:53:50 2005 by deadsidedemon

We worked opposite shifts for years. I was in the military while our kids were little, thankfully the other shifts were a viable option. Yeah, it sucked to not see each other much but I think our kids ended up being better off for it. We were not thrilled with the idea of having someone else raise our kids.

Kidney?


Or did you mean for?

Good point.

There are though, some families that do drop the kids off at day care everyday while they sit in their mansions or go buy stuff. Ive seen it happen, not very common but does happen. I guess "society" like I said was a stupid generalization.

-1 Sora

Edited, Thu Jun 23 14:11:00 2005 by Soracloud

Yes, i meant 'for'.

I don't doubt it. Nannies and caretakers for kids while the parents go about their own thing is nothing new, after all. But, for a lot of working class families, the need for daycare is a simple reality not a choice they make.

No harm, though Given that I raise my spawn solo, my options are either to send him to daycare or else to leave him in a dog cage so I didn't really try to weigh in on the crux of your question. I interview people, get a feel and talk to my son at the end of the day to see how his day was and how daycare treated him. I prefer private in-home daycares to "school" types so he's one kid of three or four instead of one of twenty. It's getting to be less of an issue now since he was in half-day kindergarten and this fall will be in full-day first grade so his "daycare" time will be a few hours at the start and tail end of the day. Regardless of if I was at home or not, he'll be spending six and a half hours in the same building.

He lives in NJ, the entire state is a suburb of NYC.



I recommend putting off having the kid as long as possible so you can get the house you want, in the neighborhood you want. You have plenty of time to have the kids later. Get the home bought, and the budget set with plently of disposable cash to put away for the time the baby comes. Also you might want to change careers or improve your current career path sometime in the future, and you would want to do that before the baby comes and money gets tighter. Not that ther is anyhting wrong with your curretn choice, but once you have a kid they come first and you have to change you priorites and choose what job you need accordinly. It might be better to start thinking this way prior to having the kid because that break in period in the begining of a new career is easier without having kids and the time they need.



Edited, Thu Jun 23 14:33:49 2005 by fhrugby

I respectfully disagree. You only have so much time in this world and you're only young once. I'd rather live modestly and have my son now than get a big house and be pushing 65-70 by the time my first child graduates college. Times goes quicker than you think.

DSD hit the nail on the head. Sort the budget first. Day care costs a arm and a leg + dips on your first born male. When I was married, I had the larger income ( wile in the service ) so my ex did the stay at home thing. After the first few months she went back to work at night and I stayed home with our daughter. When I left the service rolls were reversed for a time until I found a good job. I hateed useing Granparent day care, I figure they desierve a break after raising kids, and working for so long, BUT if they are willing the amount of money it saves it awsome and even better your child is with someone who loves it opposed to someone making minium wage to keep a eye on em.

I would be nice to "wait for the right time to have a child" BUT in most cases in which a child is born that is not the case.....
I too have a daughter, I hated the idea of day care and still not fond of it. How ever, At day care, the children are taught, not just watched. They get social experince, and have alot of fun. On the down side, they are being partly raised by teachers...(but are we not all partly raised by teachers for 12 years?) AND they do not get the one on one attetion that a parent could and would give. (question is though, would you as a parent give the child as much attetion as they could get at daycare..with other kids...teachers...activities..ext...)
I stayed home with her for the first year and a half in which I was misrable. I am one of those ppl that CAN NOT stay at the house that much. Even though I was raising my daughter and love her dearly, it was not me. SO...yes I agree that quality is MUCH better than quanity. Sometimes you have to sacrifice and let down your gaurd for what is better for the family as a whole and not just what is good for each person involved. Just something to ponder in your quest to become...the greatest parents of all time. GL :)

We agree on something.... scary!