RandomFollow

Well, ladies and gentlemen, and trolls, its Monday morning. Those of us it applies to once again rolled out of bed to face another 5 days in the salt mines. Me, I find myself questioning existence, yet again.

Grown up job, grown up bills, marriage, house, the addition of a beautiful, healthy and constantly smile inducing son. Where did my life go? I feel like a participant in a Talking Heads song. This is not my large automobile! Some of you are too young to really wrap your heads around this one. Not that you can't wake up in the morning and find yourself on a different path than you imagined, but its different at 20 than at 30. Trust me, I know. I am sure its different at 40 than it is at 30, but I am not there yet, so I can't say.

A friend and I once upon a time made bets about what we'd be doing when we grew up. He never made the majors and I am sure as hell not willing to sit through enough math to be worth a sh;t in a partical physics lab (though it is still facinating). But it all begs the question:

What do I wanna be when I grow up?

So the same vein as the previous question re: comfort's effect on performance, can you really reroute the ever accelerating avalance that is your life before it takes you even further down the rabbit hole? And would you if you could?

I want to be a good father when I grow up. Everything else is just details.

I dunno. Space cowboy?

I've never really felt defined by my job, probably because I've never felt any particular passion for any career. I work because it beats being hungry and cold. Friends, family and loved ones, faith and spirituality, intellectual and artistic pursuits, etc are what defines me -- my 9-5 is just what pays the bills so I can spend time on other, better, things.

Hey, just ask Bob Kavoian, Pro Golfer is not that far-fetched. He played this weekend in the Pro-Am tour down in Florida, and was in second last I heard.

personally, I am grown up, and I love my job ( although it's hard to believe that me, the scientest, ended up doing it).

I'm a Security Guard. Before you scoff..think this through. I work 5 days a week, always the same schedule, and I spend 75% of my time reading. I walk a set of rounds, once a hour, that takes 10 minutes. Once in a blue-moon, I get the opportunity ( although only one idiot has taken me up on the chance) to beat the living daylights out of a Poser Punk who thinks he's king **** of **** hill. SO far, every time I've had this chance, the moron took one look at my Duty Belt, saw the fact that I carried Pepper Spray, a 18" collapsable ASP ( baton) and a 9MM side-arm, and backed down. In my comapany, the last time one of our Guards really faced a guy with Gonads, the guy ended up face down on the floor, leaking the red-red Vino, the same in all places as if it came from one great factory somewhere in the heavans, and gasping his last breath on a bank floor, and our Guard ended up with a citation for Valor under Fire from our Mayor. ( OK, I admit it, I was the Guard. Idiot tried to rob my bank, didn't think to case the place ahead of time. Pulled a .38 on a teller. SHe screamed. I came out from around the screen where I was watching the manager reload the ATM, and yelled "Freeze", Idiot with the .38 spun around and fired, put 2 rounds in the wall behind me. I put 2 rounds of 9MM Hollowpoints in his chest, and one in his head. He was dead before he hit the floor. Cameras and Witnesses's all agreed that DeadBoy was at fault. I keep the Citation in my Bedroom Closet, still inside the Walnut case in came in. It's not much, just a paper saying that "Cited to one who expressed Valor..etc etc ad nauseum". Doesn't mean a lot to me, I was just doing my job. My main thing is, I've always wondered if it came down to it, could I really kill someone. I found out that not only could I kill someone, I could do it EASILY. No regrets, no little man on my shoulder ( conscience) whining about it.)

Moe, welcome to the world of the mature adult.

I am not trying to be facetious, I just find that other people I have met who go through this sort of self-realization, really taking a 'deep-breath' to see where you are in the rat race, generally have more mature perspectives on life. It also seems to occur during one's 20's or does not occur at all. Expect similar reviews after 7 years of marriage, and when you get to your mid 40's.

This is not based on any factual support other than my own meandering experience.

letting the days go by, letting the water hold be down

my responsibility spans as far as writing essays on time, wearing trousers, and making sure i don't lock myself out of the house

I don't have a girlfriend, i'm faaar to repulsive, even before i've opened my mouth to say "I like really old music" and get walked past, i have only a few friends for that same reason, and even people on the internets hate me, for these reasons i have VERY little responsibility, feel better about yourself? good, cause i've got it easy for a while and you have mortages and such like

/muahahaha

Drac was all of those for the first 7 years or so.

And then. . .

Carpe Diem, Moebius. Carpe every motherfu[i][/i]ckin' diem.

I find myself questioning what I want to be everyday. I ask myself, Am I smart enough to do what I want? Yes, I am. No longer will I doubt myself because someone doesn't believe in me.

Tomorrow is going to be an exciting day because it is the beginning to answering that question. I start my new job tomorrow at a Funeral Home.

Throughout my life I have felt like the "odd ball". When asked what I wanted to be in school I said Mortician. My parents frowned upon it and I was constantly made fun of.

I made a promise to myself that no matter how hard my life gets that I will be what I want to be. I started to loathe and bicker about my own indiscretions and choices only to realize that thier are many people that have it worse than I could possibly imagine.

I will always want to better myself, looking for ways to improve but at the end of the day, I know that I can soon say that I am what I wanted to be when I "grow" up.

Maybe I haven't hit it yet, but I don't doubt that I will one day. In the meantime, in my midtwenties, I can honestly say I'm happy with the way my life is going. Sure there are times where I sit around and wonder the "what if's".. and I have a few of them. But at this point in my life I think I can safely say I took the most happiest path, for me.

I think there are times we all go through the "what if's". Even the crazy dreams we had, wanting to be a famous (insert here). Even those I dont think you can call crazy if you really were going to strive for it.

I'm still young, so my informed opinion is minimal in this aspect; but I would think that as long as you are truely happy, those what if's will only bother you here and there. If you are still feeling unsatisfied with life, I would suggest looking to the why's and see if there is anything you can do to make it closer to what you want out of life.

BTW this is not directed at Moe alone. It's to everyone

Wow. Not far fetched? It depends on how far you are taking your professional status. Working at the country club is quite easy, all you need is two rounds of 75 and your card is awarded. On the other hand, there is the PGA. By definition, the hardest pro-tour to establish yourself on.

When I was younger I always dreamed of dunking over Shaq, that didn't happen because I never made it past 5'10 and I am white. My other dream was to become a Professional golfer, yes, one on the PGA. This wasn't as "out there" as my other dream. From the ages of 11-15, I was second best golfer in the province and highly ranked among Canada. I was just a mind game away from breaking through. I thought about this for a long time, and have semi-decided that I will never make it. Sitting back on a scholarship is all I can hope for now.

Now I am a little bit older, and my dreams have changed dramitically. My dream is simple, "Money, money, MONEY!..." I am going to follow out on this dream by keeping my grades up and applying with confidence to well known buisness schools across the United States. Although Law wouldn't be such a bad alternative.

We are a couple of years ahead of Moe in the avalanche, but I will say that Kelvy is right. We wanted to make money and see what the corporate world and financial security felt like. Okay, we did that, and its ok, but the stress is murderous and we have less time together than ever. So, we are jumpin ship and starting something of our own. The thing is, you can always change your direction.

It's not a rabbit hole, but more like a maze with constant twists and turns, and choices to be made.

I think its fun.