14 and pregnant?!Follow

I was speaking with my aunt last night and she tells me that my cousin Lauren is pregnant. I freaked out. Lauren just turned 14, she is/was in dance class,a cheerleader on the softball team, etc. She seemed to be the "All-American" girl.

Now my aunt is pissed at me cause I asked her why the hell is she letting Lauren **** around? I knew something was not right when my aunt/uncle started letting her boyfriend sleep over in the house. (They claim that they were in seperate rooms.) He is 17, will be 18 in 5 months.

My uncle is not as angry as I thought he would be and my aunt, well I guess I can't really say anything because she was pregnant at 19 but that is more of an acceptable age I think.

There were times when I told lies to my parents and what-not but when it came to sex/drugs my parents were firm about what to them is acceptable.

I am really having a hard time thinking of Lauren being pregnant and especially with her being happy about it. That, to me, is just wrong.

Now I understand there are many cultures where it is "acceptable" for a young woman to concieve but this isn't one of those cases.

Should I just not care? Her boyfriend isn't gonna stick around like she thinks and I already know that my hard earned money is gonna go to support her *** on welfare.

Edit: typos



Edited, Thu Feb 17 18:41:08 2005 by Mlynn

One of the things that I've picked up on is that by the time a child hits puberty, parents have given them all the real instruction they can in life.

Sure, everyone continues to learn and mature after puberty, but your values are largely set by then. After that, it's a matter of guidance, not establishment of basic values.

Your cousin obviously learned the wrong values. Or at least what you, and I, perceive to be wrong values. We know that the things she learned won't contribute to a happy and long life in American society. Blame her parents. They set the stage for this.

As far as what you can do: be supportive and offer solid advice without too much open criticism. She's the one who is pregnant and she'll be thinking about the ramifications plenty, whether she brings her thoughts up to others or not.

If you're a part of her life, try to put her back on track. if you're not, then pat yourself on the back for not being as bad off as she is and keep on trucking.

My sister in law became pregnant with her first child at 14. My mother in law became pregnant at 17, my other sister in law was pregnant at 19, and my third sister in law was pregnant at 24 but not married.

On my husbands side, I was the "oldest" married woman to have a child... and I was 22 at the time.



I agree that some parents do not teach the values most of us look for when teaching our own kids. But there comes a time as well when the child is old enough to make the decisions that will affect their life.

I dont know how my hubby grew up to be the only one without kids before marriage and he was legally old enough to drink. I think he shows me that there are lessons children can be taught, but it takes the character of the individual to make their own decisions.

I believe that at 14, they don't know what the hell to do. This isn't the good ole' days where at 14 you no longer go to school, get a job and support your family. Times have changed.

These kids today, they do not know what it is to work hard. So how in the heck can they make a decision like this? I am against the very thought of a 14 year old being resposible enough to raise a baby.

Devoting yourself to raise a child is a huge responsibility. At 14, 15, 16 I higly doubt that they are going to be happy to put themselves on the back burner when it comes down to the nitty-gritty.






I am not "sermonizing". I am aware that she is her own person, but I am also thinking of that baby. I am saddened that it is like this, that baby isn't going to have a good life. And I say that honestly.

Edited, Thu Feb 17 19:00:14 2005 by Mlynn

I don't disagree, Mlynn, but some people only learn through experience, and that experience has to be their own.

LOL

My uncle is a good man but he is pussywhipped. My aunt rules the roost. My uncle just works, signs over the paycheck and that's it.

I think that Lauren acted out because of my aunt, she lived vicariously through those girls, pushing them to be perfect. Something my aunt was far from.

That baby will not be treated bad but I sense just a bad vibe. My grandparents raised my cousins mainly. My aunt has blown the money on boobs, painkillers, etc.

Every family has "blacksheep" and well they are it. Classic case of being at church on sunday, yet at the bar 6 other days of the week.

I know I shouldn't care, maybe it is because I cannot concieve myself and I am just angry that she is going to be a mom. She is a beautiful girl and I know (maybe this is mean) that her life, more than likely, is going to be her just "settling".

Do I have to dumb it down for you and make it known to be emotional support? I guess I figured people were smart enough to figure it out. My bad. I wont overestimate again

Well, I don't need anything "dumbed" down for me. I just really hope that she can be a good of a mom as she can at the tender age of 14. It still is shocking though to see this young girl in this predicament.

I love her dearly, I think that is why I feel the way I do. The town we all live in is a dead end. She had dreams, hopes, etc and messed it all up in a moment. I am extremely worried about the physical aspect of this. She is a very petite.

I have always been a pessimistic person when it comes to looking at the consequences of decicions made spontaneoulsy. I am going to continue loving her, supporting her as much as I can.

And no matter how old you are, you can never fully understand how the world works.

Knowing facts and understanding the realities are two very different things.

One of life's nastier realities is that girls in this age group are, quite often, very insecure. Sorry, I'm too lazy to look up any of the myriad studies that would support this statement. This makes it quite easy for boyfriends to pressure them into doing things against their better judgement, like, say, use condoms every time they have sex. Or have sex at 13 or 14.

I don't suppose she feels adoption is an acceptable alternative?