Weekly drunken Sabo update, 12/02/05Follow

Serious answer, Sab.

If you expect to have emotinal intimacy you have to understand that sexual relationships outside of a monogamous one precludes that. Yes, you will hear many espousing open relationships can be healthy, workable, or perfectly intimate, but that is all either a lie or a justification to excuse themselves from true emotional intimacy. The truth is that even if those who accept open relationships believe that they have gained some state of emotional intimacy, it is just a pale comparison to the real thing.

Look, I'm not going into any issue about homosexuality, casual sex, or the root causes for people who wall themselves off from each other. Those are discussions for another time if they haven't been done fifty million times here already in the past. Those things are not the point.

However, the real point is that that bond you are seeking is missing-- and will continue to be missed --as long as one of the critical components to a truely satisfying relationship is not there. All other things aside, having sexual contact outside of a committed relationship simply drains the emotional effort and energy that is necessary for that intimacy to occur.

Both you and your love interest need to acknowledge this if you ever have any hope of achieving what you desire.

Totem

As far as relationships go, I'm not going to be very much help I'm aftaid. I tend to have bad luck with such things (insert many stories of failures and "almosts" here). I do however have some insight on life changing moves, though not so far as the one you are contemplating. When I was in houston, I had a good group of friends and co-workers, a job with ok pay, somewhat of a life built, etc. Houston was killing me though. the polution, the crappy hours I worked, a variaty of other aspects. I just couldn't take it any more. Something had to change.

An opertunity for a new job came up back in vancouver, where I grew up. There was alot of risk involved in it, and the moving costs were prohibitive. I went back and forth on it for almost a month, and in the end I went for it.

it was the best decision I have ever made. Some of it was due to luck, hapenstance, and if I did it again, maybe it wouldn't turn out as well as it did, but there was one undeniable result: The things that were unbearable were no more.

I think you have the good workings of a plan there. Change can be painful, but stasis is worse. Good luck whatever happens!

There isn't anything I could possibly tell you that someone else hasn't already, Sabo. Your a good guy, and I can tell by the way you ramble on a keyboard after injesting some funny liquids, that you have your heart in the right place.


Do what you gotta do man, you got my e-support. If your ever in Miami, give me a ring. We'll hang out and talk about gil sellers!

I know, and I agree with all of you. It does rather seem like my mind is already made up. So, I don't know what's holding me back. I guess part of me is afraid I'd be making a mistake by leaving a relationship I know I'm safe in. I've always had this thing about dating abusive pri[/b]cks, and this is the first relationship I've ever been in where I was truly treated decently. Also, I'm worried about hurting Max, he's already had so much hurt in his life that he has put up all these walls. What would happen if I, the person he's shared his life with for two years, decided to leave him?

I know it will happen eventually, it's just the build-up to it that sucks. >_<

Anyway, thanks for your support guys. I appreciate that you've all taken time to respond and offer me advice and words of encouragement. This whole thing sucks, but I'll muddle through it.

By the way, happy Valentine's Day. Shi[/b]ttiest day of the year to be thinking so hard about breaking up. >_<

Edited, Sun Feb 13 23:28:06 2005 by Saboruto

Sabo, I think Nonlinear is trying to use reverse psychology to get into your pants.

Better watch it, he's pretty sneaky.

Sabo: Are you sure that Max is the first relationship you've ever been in where you were "really treated well and looked after"??? If that was the case, you wouldn't be hurting by Max's actions. Sometimes you have to take the candles out of the **** and stop calling it chocolate cake.

I believe that your life partner (whoever that may be) should fulfil your life on 5 levels: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically and sexually. The 2 of you have to be mentally at the same place in life to want the same goals. You have to love each other. Spiritually, you need to make sure that your faith beliefs and lives are not in conflict. You have to be physically attracted to one another. And sexually, well, that's self-explanatory I believe.

I remember when you posted your thread about the possibility of loving two people at the same time. I am assuming you were referring to Max and Tim. People have so many different sides and facets to their personalities and beliefs in life. As you go through life, you come across people that you build a connection with that person appeals to certain levels of yourself. However, that does not necessarily mean that connection is a foundation for a romantic relationship. It sounds like each of these people meet you on different levels of your life, but NOT ALL levels.

I say move BACK to Florida, but stay away from any relationship right now. Do not do anything with Max, Tim, Justin. You need to figure out what YOU want first. And you will be able to do that in Florida with the support of your family.

Good luck Sabo. I'll send you happy thoughts.

Well, I did it. I broke up with him. He took it really well and told me he'd still be my friend and support me in anything I decide to do. I feel like a really sh[/b]itty person now though. But it's done.

Don't feel ******. If he took it really well, he was probably expecting/wanting a breakup himself. You have just been man enough to do what he wasn't man enough to do.

I wish you good luck with your next choices, and I hope you make choices that take care of Sabo first. Others can wait for now.

Spend some time alone and getting to know Sabo is my advice.

OMGWTFMST3K!

That scores SO many bonus points with me. I miss that show a lot. It was one of the funniest things ever to appear on television.

My god I'm drunk. Sucks, too, because I have a job interview at 11 tomorrow morning.

1261st time in 1262 posts nonlinear has not made me laugh.