Nobby's "Aventure Normande" Monday Got in the car at 8am and drove south. Hit the London Rush-Hour about 9:30 and entertained myself watching cerebrally limited Porsche drivers embedding their life savings into crash barriers and broken down cars.
Arrived Dover around noon. Snow began to fall, almost enough to soften the heady aroma of asylum-seekers and the garlic fog of returning british tourists. Usual issues with customs. A few phone calls and got the journey authorised.
Caught the 1pm ferry to Calais and slept to the soothing melodies of arcade machines and flatuelent Polish truckers.
Arrived Calais 4pm and headed west to hit Neufchatel-en-Bray by 7 (usually a nice time to find an hotel)
8pm Stuck behind a snow-plow as we hit the heaviest snowfall in Pas de Calais for 20 years
9pm: Arrived Neufchatel to find hotels full (stranded polish truckers)
10pm: Arrived Rouen in time to hear the autoroute I'd just left was officially closed.
10:30pm Checked into a decent Hotel on the Rive Gauche and walked to my favourite restaurant (Opened in 1346, closed for 2 days in 1942). Great vegetable soup, roast duck and fruit flambee, A nice '87 ventoux and swayed back to hotel.
11:58 Argued with the barman about global warming, made a ludicrous bet (I forget the terms), won a bottle of champagne, shared it with 2 local businessman, a Belgian tourist and a local *****. Belgian left with *****. I left with pride intact.
England 1: Europe 0
2am Bed
Tuesday 7am Breakfast. (Great Cheeses and 'Viennoisses) Booked hotel further south for that night.
Had a tip from one of the local businessmen that Rouen's (pretty decent) soccer team were playing a charity game (1st Team V 2nd Team) at the city stadium.
11am Arrived City Stadium. Told 'Ticket Only'. I pointed out that I could hardly brodcast my status as a talent scout for the Real Madrid team, but trusted that they'd respect my discretion.
11:30am ushered into executive box. Excellent lunch, fine wine, great view of the game (1st XI beat 2nd XI 2-1) and departed quickly to avoid any awkward questions
5pm Drove South to Les Andelys, Checked into Hotel and had a nap
9pm Dinner in Hotel. An excellent Tournedos Rossini (for the uniniciated - Fillet Steak baked in Pate Foie-Gras) in this case with wild mushrooms and creamed jerusalem artichokes. A 2001 St Emillion rounded it off nicely. A joyful hour arguing politics with a local councillor and his delightful 'niece'.
I contained myself and stuck to flirting with her (most enjoyable) rather than actually hitting on her (I believe he was armed)
1am Bed
Wednesday 7am Checked out and picked up breakfast from a boulangerie (A baguette and a seriously creamy camembert) and headed east to Abbeville.
9:30am Abbeville. Market in full flow with sights and smells to delight any gastronome. Tasted oodles of the free samples of local cheeses and charcuterie (sausages to you and me) before buying a copy of a Harland Coben thriller that I hadn't read (I have to admit one or two of the words threw me, but it still works as well in French as in English).
12:00noon A Bistro in Abbeville. Croque Monsieure with frits and coffee to die for. Made it last an hour as the book was pretty gripping.
13:30 About to leave when a local asked me for directions. Long story, but we turned out to have a common acquaintance in Lille so we passed an hour in reminiscence. Had I not been driving, we'd probably have shared a carafe or two.
14:40 Did that kissing-a-guy-on-both-cheeks thing that I'm still not entirely comfortable with and headed toward the Belgian Border.
18:00 La Coquelle. Started feeling a bit crappy so decided for an early night. Aimed to hit Brussels in the morning. Found a local hotel and ordered dinner.
19:00 Didn't finish dinner.
Shaking, sweating, joints aching.
Bed!
20:00 Lay awake in bed wearing everything I had, heating turned up full, but still couldn't stop shaking
Thursday 6am After a terrible night of shivering, feeling hot and cold and coughing like a tramp after a nasty bong, realised I'd picked up a chest infection. Temperature was high, so skipped breakfast, put the car heater on full and headed to Calais
9am Calais. Ferry. Passport issues. An entertaining hour with customs wondering whether the questions or the 'flu symptoms were more annoying.
10:00am Phone call came though authorising entry to Her Britannic Majesty's sh
[/i]it-hole. Caught the 10:05 ferry
10:15am Sitting in the only smoking area on the ferry. The price paid for having a cigarette is to be aside a video juke-box blasting out 80s soft rock
1:50pm I'll never forgive David Coverdale or Styx again. Sweating like a pig. Left ferry and took to the car.
2:10pm Shaking in the car munching Paracetomol to bring down the temperature
2:30pm Hit the M20 towards London. Set the cruise control to 90, and apart from the occasional Polish Trucker in the overtaking lane (Uphill, straining the engine at 50mph) made good time
4:00pm Break at Oxford for coffee and Paracetomol intake. Continue on M40 at a static 95mph. No Police so ok.
6:00pm Home!! Drac play doting son and prepares hot lemon drink, Noblet sits on bed and applies cold compress to forehead.
8:00pm Phone calls complete ("I'm not dead, hold off contesting my Will, *************** I fall asleep
And that was my fore-shortened vacation.
[i]Edited, Fri Jan 28 19:22:59 2005 by Nobby
Shaking, sweating, joints aching. 
I don't believe a word of this part... taking creative liberties aye?