Why do we do this to ourselves?Follow

Lately I've been fighting a pretty intense depression, as I'm sure some of you are aware. I know depression is a chemical change in the brain, a condition that can easily be treated with medication. Yet for some reason, as bad as it is and as much as I want it to go away, I can't seem to make myself go to a doctor for it. Even though my conscious mind knows it's just a medical condition like having the flu, the rest of me seems to think that if I go in and get help, I'm admitting some sort of weakness. I feel like I SHOULD be more in control of my emotions, so I keep prolonging this and just making it worse for myself.

Why do we, as a society, think that mental disorders are somehow something to be ashamed of? Why do we treat head problems differently from body problems? It doesn't really make sense to me, but it seems deeply ingrained in all of us to look down on mental disorders as some embarassing situation that we can't talk about. It's dumb, and I'm as much to blame as anyone, since I can't make myself go in and get the help I need.

I think for me it's a weakness thing. I hate needing crutches to get through life, so for me I don't want to be on meds because then it's not *me* beating the depression, but some chemicals. But the thing is, I don't get that way if I have a flu or pneumonia or something, so why does it have to be different with mental problems? How are mental disorders different from physical disorders, that we choose to look at them under a different light? I'm not embarassed about people thinking I'm a headcase or anything (else I wouldn't talk about it here ), but for some reason I don't look at a mental disorder as an illness so much as a weakness, which is stupid. And I suspect most people see it the same way... It's just kinda weird. Maybe we need more public education on things like this or something? I dunno.

It's weird to hear this as I am going through the same thing. Last year, starting in the winter a terrible exhaustion came over me, to the point where I could not get up or do anything until at least midday. I was tired all the time, I never had any energy whatsoever. I wasn't sad or upset, just physically drained. My DR told me it was a chemical issue that was diagnosed as depression. The name of the diagnosis is misleading, as it causes you to think you're upset with life, even if you're not. It rarely has anything to do with the emotional aspect of life, but rather the change in chemicals due to this or that. My DR had told me the average person goes through depression about 9 times in their lives, many who never know it.

I was given a prescription for prozac, but I never filled it. Just knowing it was nothing I was doing wrong, but something my body had no control over, made me feel better to work atround it. Eventually it went away, around March.

Beginning of December it started up again. I know what it is, and I'm trying to deal with it. No matter how much sleep I get I still can not get any energy until 10 am. I'm ready to head to the DRs again to see if it is seasonal, and if there is anything I can do sans drugs to lessen it. I just do not want to take drugs for it though. I dont want to become dependant on something when I know it will go away on it's own. A small side of me does feel, though, that I would be weak if I took drugs for it.

Edited, Thu Jan 20 21:01:44 2005 by deadsidedemon

That's pretty much my situation, Lady D. I stay up til like 3 or 4 am, I don't get up til noon, I go off on crying jags at the drop of a hat, and every little problem in my life I turn into a mountain in my mind. I have no doubt it's depression, because there's nothing in my life that justifies this severe a reaction right now. I spend most of my time sleeping, or doing mindless things like playing videogames, just to tune myself out from life. I'm definitely turning to escape mechanisms, and it's irritating me that I can't just go in and get help. If I were physically sick, I'd have no problems getting a prescription for antibiotics. Yet I've turned this into something it's not, and I flatly refuse to go on antidepressants no matter how much I probably DO need them.

I just hate being in this frame of mind, because I can clearly see all the symptoms and diagnose myself, yet I can't "fix" it for myself. I need to work on motivating myself to go in and get put on something to take the edge off, until the condition passes.

It might not be depression exactly; or the depression symptoms may be caused by another underlying condition. I've had serious depression and serious anxiety, and they're different although some of the symptoms are the same. I think this is another reason to get diagnosed, as treatment (even non-pharmaceutical treatment) may vary according to your condition.

It can often be purely chemical. I've been depressed hundreds of times for no reason whatsoever; at other times I've had all the reasons in the world to be depressed but haven't been. Causes of depression vary from person to person and event to event.

As to the WHY of the situation, I tend to believe that it's a matter of ego.

Just like some people have problems admitting physical weakness, many people have a problem admitting any sort of illnes relating to the mind.

The mind defines who and what we are, so anything that affects your mind alters that definition. It's difficult for most people to openly state that they are altered in a detrimental manner. It's too close to saying, 'I am defective, less than a normal human being.'


That's my take on things, anyway.

I've noticed that I have an aversion to openly admitting that I'm a masochistic homicidal cold ******* just because I know that it is not socially acceptable on any level other than those found in prison or corporate boardrooms. Besides, if I don't act on the raging impulse to bludgeon someone to death with a brick of ice cream (what a way to go, eh?), it's just like like I never had the impulse...right?

Ahhh this reminds me of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

but in respect to the point...

I suffer from both Manic Depressiveness as well as Social Anxiety disorder. I was on Zoloft for em for about 6 years, up until last year. Eventually I just quit taking the stuff.

Yeah, some of the depression and fear came back, in fact there would be waves of suicidal thoughts and overwhelming terror at times, but I'm still not dead, which is more than I can say how I felt while taking any kind of medicine.

These medicines, frankly I think they will kill you faster than any mental disorder will.

The week I quit taking the stuff (against medical advice) I swear to god I had never felt mroe alive. There would be sadness yeah, and panic and fear, but there was also happyness and elation again.

To put it bluntly, I would much rather be alive, with all the negatives, than to take somthing that will kill you in all but name.

No offense Kelv, but I'm going to take my Dr's opinion over yours as he has his MD.

Basically when I went in last year, I was told that "depression" is a word used to encompass many aspects of illness, just like IBS. Each case is different and unique to the person. Some may have emotional or mental symptoms that add to the diagnosis. Most cases, however, are completely chemical and there is nothing that the person did that made it this way. It just happens. Sometimes the chemicals change in your body during the seasons (what I think mine is), where you get depressed over the winter. Many Dr's believe it is due to lack of natural sunlight. Your body does not get the sun and certain chemicals are lacking. I've been told by a few who deal with this to get a grow light. It has rays that imitate the sun, giving your body what it lacks in the wonter. YOu throw a bulb in by your computer, post here at allas, and supposedly it help. I have yet to try it but I will

YOu have other changes in your body (pms, pregnancy, lack of certain vitamins, or other causes) that can create massive drops or rises in chemicals. All can change your mood and your energy. It's when you have it for an extended period of time that Drs decide to try and up those chemicals so you're back to normal. Hence Prozac. But I cant justify taking the pills as I do not want to have a quick fix and "get better" only to have to take the pills permanently. I would rather ride it out.

Sabo I feel for you, I really do. I do not have the mood swings you mention, but I know that even the pure physical exhaustion can do anumber on you. I hope things get better and know I'm going through the same thing. If I can get any info I'll gladly pass it on to you if you wish.

As you deny yourself the treatment you know you need, be aware that your depression does not only affect you, but those around you.

You know what you need to do. Don't keep thinking about it, just do it.

I nag only because I care.

I have not as far as I know experinced any sort of psychological illness, but I have watched first hand as my mother has battled all sorts of problems. My mother suffers from paranoid schizophrenia with bi-polar disorder.

When my mother first began to have her problems in the mid 70's I was but a small child and I remember mostly just my parents fighting a lot. At about age 7 was the first time she was put in the hospital for her problems. She was fine with the meds she took for a few years, until about the mid 80's when again she ended up in a hospital for attempting to hurt herself. This happened again in the mid 90's.

She takes the meds her doctor perscribes and these for the most part keep her as a functional person, though she is on permanent disability due to what one of the meds she takes does to her eyesight.

There is nothing wrong with you that can't be overcome with help of counciling and an M.D.'s perscription pad if he/she feel that is needed.

For those who say the medications are a crutch that mask the problem, I ask if you have a MD or PHD in psychology or are a pharmacist, only because you probably don't have enough frame of reference in your life to understand the need for the medications.

Sabo, if you don't see a doctor about the depression while depressed, and the depression passes, I hope you then see a doctor after to sort of head off the possible next bout at the pass.

And to anyone else suffering from problems, good luck and please don't hesistate to see a doctor or get counciling.

Lady D...you might try researching SAD...seasonal affective disorder...ironic, i know...but some ppl have some relief by adusting the lighting in their home or office to a special full-spectrum light.

http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/27.cfm

my ex had this, i used to call him the bear, cuz he would hibernate in the winter...tired, no energy, just blah, severely blah.

sun is more necessary for some folks than others, i guess...i cant abide the stuff myself.

and a divorce pretty much cleared up my own depression

Edited, Thu Jan 20 22:10:03 2005 by nursie