*sigh* [Long Lil Rant...sorry.....]Follow

I've been kinda down lately. It feels like I'm a spec of nothing around those of which I would normally call my loved ones. I sometimes wonder if the only person that gives a damn about anything I'm thinking, saying, or even feeling is of no concern to anyone but myself.

I always go out of my way to make my loved ones happy, that's always been my goal.

"Hey, how are you?"

"You alright?"

"You hungry? Here, I'll treat."

"You know you can always talk to me."

"It's alright, we all have our days."

"......."

My typical interaction with people I care about. Very seldom (if at all) do I ever even get asked "how's your day?" My best friend seems to have been NOW trying to nudge some of these type of questions, but mostly in reaction to me being somewhat silent/distance for the last few days. I'm not an idiot, I know "pity" when I see it.

I don't want f[/b]ucking pity.

I'm the type of person that would never do a favor simply to await for something in return. I never do anything for someone else just because I expect to gain something from it. Yet, when it comes down to it, to some degree, I expect at least a LITTLE interest...just interest...on anything about me in general. If I'm nice to you...is it that hard to reflect at least some of it? Of course, not often...but never also sucks...

I go in a complete circles with this. I don't want to sound greedy, but being a peon around nobles is also just depressing.

You know your not doing too good when you sneeze and your best friend says "Bless you" and you literally almost choke, thus I beleive it's the first time I've ever heard him say that to me. I'm aware that he normally doesn't say it cause he doesn't beleive in...well...anything...but that spontaneousness was just...I don't know.

It felt like he...someone at all...gave a sh[b]it about me for the first time.

I know the question "Am I the only one who feels this way?" is stupid. I know there are other people that might think/feel either the same or simular.

Better question would be, who HERE can also relate?

Maybe I'm just an idiot and need to realize that being people dependant will be my own downfall.

Hell, my own mind attacks me with this one song that does NOT help the situation.

Mad World, by Gary Jules

Maybe I'm just a sap and really need a beer.

I'll pass.



And yes, it does suck. Alot.



EDIT to add:

Ya know, I might just do that, Lady deadside.
Oh! By the by...I finished that book. I see myself purchasing the series.

Edited, Thu Jan 20 12:39:17 2005 by XvExodusvX

Let's see, parts of my family live in half a million dollar condos, I got lucky, and live in a house that cost me 60,000 total.

DOes anyone try and help me out when I get low on funds? HA.

DOn't feel bad, it could be worse.

Definitly. It's practically bits and pieces of what I beleived, but alot more organized that what I had originally in my head.

dp

Edited, Thu Jan 20 12:59:25 2005 by Zadiel

@#$^@^@!^@^@^$@^%!#$%!#


Nuff said.

Edited, Thu Jan 20 13:07:05 2005 by XvExodusvX

Complete honest answer... really depends on the person. You would think most people would, but I've run across many who become more greedy the more you give. Not just money, but emotion, someone to lean on. Its like the find out you're a great person they can count on, and so they expect you to be there for them no matter what. Doesnt mean they think they need to give back. You have shown you are there for them, and its a greed mentality. And when you voice you're upset, they could care less as long as you're still there. I mean, you've already been there once. Why are you getting upset about it now when you weren't before? Get the picture there? And yes, its a vicious cycle

So talk to them. Tell them you're feeling used and burnt out, and they need to appreciate you more or depend on you less.

As it stands you're just letting them walk on you, which is not healthy for anyone involved.

Well, look, you're asking people to change the habits of years - habits that you encouraged, by the way. It isn't going to happen overnight.

You didn't; more to the point, why would you be sorry if you did? If I get frustrated, that's my problem. (If I get frustrated over not getting my point across on a message board, I'm probably used to having problems.)

+1 for me. Oh and Exodus. Guess its time to kill yourself. Sorry man.

Bah who needs prozac when you could have Zoloft ;)

In all seriousness though, I believe that most people that you will run into in your life will not really give one **** about you, not matter how you treat them. Granted, there's always the handful of people that will really talk to you, and reciprocate kindness, but the vast majority of people are mean and self absorbed.

Even so, I look at it as having two choices: The first is for you can give up, die, and accept the uncaring universe and gently fade away into the shadows...

Or you could keep on going, despite what people may be like or what they do to you, and try to do your best anyway, remaining kind towards those around you, whether they deserve it or not.