Yo tengo problemas con mi novia, err girl troublesFollow

my girlfriend and i have been together almost a year. the thing is, im not really interested in a relationship anymore. not because of any change between us and i still think shes attractive, funny, nice, blah blah blah but because girlfriends are a time sink that i dont want to deal with. what i basically need is a way to say "im still crazy about you, but i dont want any of the obligations that go with having a girlfriend". the thing is, she is truly obsessed with me and really is a nice girl. without doubt it would crush her.

basically at a time when im yearning for independance (im almost 18!) i dont feel like being accountable to yet another person.

assorted background info that probably doesnt matter

in the first 6 months of our relationship we probably talked on the phone around 3 hours every day, sometimes as many as 9. it was awesome. as time progressed its become more of a pain to talk to her than anything else. at this point (into month 11) its usually a pain to talk to her. i mean its great fun at times, but it just aint what it used to be. i think this is partly due to the increase in my usage of marijuana. why? because she annoys the f[b][/b]uck out of me when im high. i cant stand talking to her.

we spend about every weekend with each other and usually have a "date" once a month or so.

i'd really like to stay with her, but it wouldnt be fair to her for me to say "eh, ill only talk to you when i feel like it and if you call and i dont want to talk then tough ****"

This has to be one of the worst places you can ask for relationship advise.

thing is, i've been considering it more and more frequently for quite some time now. i've considered breaking it off as far as almost 4 months ago. i keep telling myself "now not right, X or Y is happening. i should wait" or that "oh, ill just wait until <some dumb event that has some significance> and then ill do it" and then afterwards i say "well, its too soon after <dumb event>" until there is another one close on the horizon.

*shrug* whats the worst that could happen by asking the board?

at best someone comes up with the best possible solution and everything works out fine. at worst there arent any good ideas or advice and i wasted a few minutes typing.

Just tell her the truth. She might hate it at first but she'll appreciate the honesty later on and realize that you were one of the nice guys. It's better than lying to her if you like her and all and trying to get back together with her with that lie hanging above your head for the rest of your relationship.

Read this Hippo,

I'll try my best to not sound completely stressed out here.

I've been with my girl for six very long fu[/b]cking years. Very long. I met her when I was 18 years, so do the math. In the beginning the sex was constant and awesome.
We split (sort of) for the last six months, although there has always been some sort of connection.

DO NOT COMPROMISE YOURSELF FOR ANYONE.

Do not stay in a bad relationship if you don't think the person across from you won't try to make it work. And why try to make anything work? Why try? You're too young. Fu[b]ck it. Go smoke weed until your throat is on fire!

Don't worry about hurting her feelings. Tell her you need some time alone, but you would like to stay freinds.



Edited, Wed Dec 8 10:49:15 2004 by Gadin

This is my rule

If she swallows, she loves you.

This does not apply to some **** in a bar, only within a stable relationship.


Of course some girls won't swallow, and does not mean that they are incapable of love, which brings me to another rule.

Never marry a girl that doesn't swallow. How would you know when she stops loving you?

What else Friar, you got yourself a good woman there. What do you think?

Yea, I am married. My wife understands my rules, and understands the significance of them without me ever explaining them to her. I once started to explain, and she cut me short, and said she understood.

Other than that, I am no Don Juan, I don't really know much about women. However, I sure as hell know what I want, which I think can be at least half the battle. My wife feels totally secure in our marriage, she can feel my commitment to her, and pays it back in full. I think that's the way relationships are, especially from a mans position, make a women feel loved, needed, sexy and secure and she will commit to you without any doubts. I would say it takes a bit more than loving them. You do have to go out of your way slightly to give them tangible examples of your commitment, don't ask me for examples, I just see opening every now and again in day to day life.

Think of the way women latch on to your wrong doings, Christ I still hear about things I did 3 years ago.

I think the same goes for good things, they store those things up and then when they are sitting there thinking about them, they bubble over, next thing you know she's thrown you on your back and she's going to town. Women are always thinking, men shut down, but I don't think women can switch off in the same way. When you are sitting there watching Seinfeld, she's thinking about your vacation last year.

One mans opinion.

Look, this is simple. Tell her you no longer want to be locked into a relationship. Be sure to say at least five times that

'It's not you, it's me.'

Then propose that you remain friends, with benefits.


Problem solved.

Thats all you need to tell her. She wont understand now but she will when she can ( and decides to bother to ) look at the relationship from an objective distace of say ...two to ten years from now. Dont lie, get nasty, or drag it out until you hate her. Let it go now and she will appreciate you more in those two to ten, of course, in the mean time, she will hate your guts and she will wonder if she is just not good enough for anyone, but that's a woman in a nut shell anyway.

I didn't bother to read anybody else's advice, but from what I can tell, letting this drag on is only going to make it more painful in the end for the both of you. Of course, that doesn't mean you still can't have benefits on the side.
Pat, you kill me.

Twiztid

Point out that you would like to save on Christmas presents too, she will love that