I turned 30 today. Even as I write this, the precious moments of my 20's are gone. Now, some people will say "Hey, 30...it's not old." People like Smash, Nobby and others. Then again, they’re even fuc[/black]k[/black]ing older than I am. Well, maybe Smash wouldn't say that.
30 is old. Ancient. Practically dead. It's going to suck worse than hanging out with Varus before one of his “Pro” Basketball games or working along side him landscaping as he calls your co-workers "***************
Aside from acting like I'm 12 for the rest of my life, what the hell do I have to look forward to???
--- Successfully getting divorced. A proud moment for my parents for sure
--- Graduating high school. Seriously, it was a landmark moment.
--- Dislocating my shoulder playing touch football. I'm so tough.
--- Learning how to tie a tie.
--- Finally attaining a relationship with a woman far too attractive for me that will someday figure out that in the pole vault of life her standards were so low the bar was 12 feet under the ground.
--- Writing long and inane responses to inevitable events, like the Lions not making the playoffs or turning 30 or why Bush is such a dickhead.
And those are just a few. I figure I'll leave my 20's with a look back, a retrospective if you will, at the last 29 years in history and all the great and terrible things I've done.
December 1, 1974 - I was born. A dark day indeed for mankind. Need I say more?
December 2, 1974 - My mom asked if I was returnable and if there would be a "restocking fee". Upon finding out there was indeed a fee...she kept me because she was poor.
May 12, 1979 - I begin my first foray into bad haircuts. Begins lifelong obsession.
1980 - Discover football via Billy Sims and the Detroit Lions.
January 1980 - Detroit Lions not in Superbowl.
December 8, 1980 - John Lennon shot. Four times. Yoko Ono not shot once.
January 1981 - Detroit Lions not in Superbowl again.
January 1982 - Detroit Lions not in Superbowl again.
January 1983 - Detroit Lions not in Superbowl again.
January 1984 - Detroit Lions not in Superbowl again.
1984 - People scared by parallels of book "1984" with current society. I try to figure out what parallels are. Anyone know?
January 1985 - Detroit Lions not in Superbowl again.
January 1986 - Detroit Lions not in Superbowl again.
January 1987 - Detroit Lions still not in Superbowl.
March 10, 1988 - Andy Gibb dies. Rest of Bee Gees still alive.
January 1988 - ARGHHHHH!!!!!
1989 - Detroit Lions draft Barry Sanders.
January 1989 - You guessed it!
June 20, 1990 - Introduced to sake. Maybe it was the 21st...or the 23rd...I seem to have lost some days there...
January 199… - **** it.
February 1998 - Began courses at Brown College. Leads to people asking "How was Providence?"
December 1998 - First radio job in radio. Manages to **** off several people with first talk show.
November 2000 – Country elects idiot to Presidency.
January 12, 2003 - Maurice Gibb dies. Two still to go.,,
October 2004 – Lions start out 4-1… begin downward spiral.
November 2, 2004 – Turns out I was living in a country full of morons and 2000 wasn’t an honest mistake.
December 1, 2004 - Turns 30. Realize I'm old.
So, that's my life. That's it. All there is to it. Seriously. Don't laugh. Please??
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I'm oldFollow
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix, angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machin ery of night.
2005-3005 - Detroit Lions still not in Superbowl.
That will cover the next century for ya.
Think nothing of it, Happy Birthday!
That will cover the next century for ya.
Think nothing of it, Happy Birthday!
Baron von AegisfangBattlehammer wrote:
2005-3005 - Detroit Lions still not in Superbowl.
That will cover the next century for ya.
Think nothing of it, Happy Birthday!
That will cover the next century for ya.
Think nothing of it, Happy Birthday!
Lol your right.
I just woke up, gimmie a break.
I just woke up, gimmie a break.
I feel you r pain. And what's with this hangover ****??? This never used to happen!!! And why is my ..."member"??? trying to crawl up into my belly all the time, and speaking of my belly, WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM???!!! **whimpers** Whaddya mean I cant drink beer anymore???
I beat you by a month, exactly. Better late than never.
Happy Birthday Grady and believe it or not, but for the most part, life gets better. It's just the bones and mind that will beg to differ. Now, where did I put my carkeys again?
'Lo, there do I see, the line of my people, back to the beginning, 'lo do they call to me, they bid me take my place among them, in the halls of Valhalla, where the brave...may live...forever.
X-Box 360 Gamer Tag - Smogster
X-Box 360 Gamer Tag - Smogster
30, old!?! Ha ha hahahahaha.... Sorry man, I'm 42. I had to stop watching the "Laydowns" 10 years ago after I almost threw a brick through my television. I still suffer every year hearing about their miserable play, but my blood pressure doesn't top out anymore...
Bill Ford = Lion's suck.
Bill Ford = Lion's suck.
Aside from acting like I'm 12 for the rest of my life, what the hell do I have to look forward to???
Fuc[b][/b]king insecure 19 year old strippers with "daddy" complexes.
Being able to run for POTUS in only 5 short years.
Now that I'm 32, I realize just how young 30 really is. My wife's closing in on 30 though, and apparently there's some rule that if she doesn't have kids before then she's going to cut my balls off.
Disclaimer:
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.
2005-3005 - Detroit Lions still not in Superbowl.
What's it like to live in a city where the Baseball and Football teams aren't World Champions at the same time and breaking decades and ceuntries old records regularly?
I'm not fammiliar with how that would be.
Disclaimer:
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.
To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.
Smasharoo wrote:
Now that I'm 32, I realize just how young 30 really is. My wife's closing in on 30 though, and apparently there's some rule that if she doesn't have kids before then she's going to cut my balls off.
#12REDACTED,
Posted: Dec 01 2004 at 10:06 AM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) How long you think it's gonna take for the sox to beat the yankees again smash? 80, 90 ?
inasnum wrote:
How long yoy think it's gonna take for the sox toi beat the yyankees again smash? 80, 90 ?
Happy Birthday!
Cheer up, at least you're not Varus.
Barry Sanders was fantastic, wasn't he?
Cheer up, at least you're not Varus.
Barry Sanders was fantastic, wasn't he?
#15REDACTED,
Posted: Dec 01 2004 at 10:39 AM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) Do i have to get the whip spawned ?
Now I don't feel so bad about turning 27 last month.
Wait.....yes, yes I do. Almost 30 is bad enough for me.
Wait.....yes, yes I do. Almost 30 is bad enough for me.
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
Smasharoo wrote:
Now that I'm 32, I realize just how young 30 really is. My wife's closing in on 30 though, and apparently there's some rule that if she doesn't have kids before then she's going to cut my balls off.
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
inasnum wrote:
Do i have to get the whip spawned ?
[************* insecure 19 year old strippers with "daddy" complexes.[/quote]
Thats the only good thing to look forward to, just remember keep one hand on the wallet, the other hand is free.
You also get to look forward to reassesing your life and trying to come to terms with those dreams you are finaly realizing wont happen. Just don't make an *** out of yourself and buy a Porche and hope it makes you look young.
Thats the only good thing to look forward to, just remember keep one hand on the wallet, the other hand is free.
You also get to look forward to reassesing your life and trying to come to terms with those dreams you are finaly realizing wont happen. Just don't make an *** out of yourself and buy a Porche and hope it makes you look young.
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