Rules for being a good RepublicanFollow

- You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that yesterday's gas prices are all Bill Clinton's fault.

- You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own. Like George W. Bush, you must insist that when he was born on third base he had actually hit a triple.

- You have to despise government programs, but expect Social Security checks all the time.

- You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate opposite-gender marriages, ending or not ending pregnancies, what official language should be spoken by you....

- You have to believe that pollution is okay, so long as it makes a profit. It is even better if it's in another state.

- You have to sponsor prayer in public schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

- You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

- You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations should have no regulation or interference.

- You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and you're certain that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.

- You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Allen Keyes.

- You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives.

- You have to declare that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans. Even children, felons and wackos.

- You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

- You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.

- You have to believe that AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away.

- You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading at any age.

- You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.

- You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.

- You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.

- You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, Tim Hutchinson, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that that ******* Clinton should be never forgiven.

- Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are a millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an "illness" and needs our prayers for your "recovery."
You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

- You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the "wrong" gender.

- "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

- You hate the ACLU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North.

- You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.

- You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

- You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

- You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMO's and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.

- You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is sound government policy but providing health care to all Americans is socialism personified.

- You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk science" but Creationism should be taught in schools.
You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq.

- You have to believe that Saddam was good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

- You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

- You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a "private matter."

- You have to believe that the public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

- You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.

- You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest but what Bush did decades later is "stale news" and "irrelevant."

- You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy.
You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that Europe doesn't exist.

- You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread because people are evil and should be punished.

- You have to believe that the evolution is a myth that shouldn't be taught in schools, despite the evidence of biochemistry and the fossil record.

- You have to believe that there is no causal link between legal, easily-obtainable handguns and high murder rates.

- You have to believe that global temperatures are completely unaffected by fossil fuel emissions, that the best way to save the national forests is to allow logging companies to cut down old-growth timber, and the best way to save endangered species is to allow trophy hunters and wildlife traders to import more of them.

- You have to believe that homosexuality is evil (despite the fact that it occurs in nature) and that women should stay at home to cook and bear children.

- You have to believe that businesses never purposely hurt anyone to make money.

- You have to believe that hunting requires an automatic rifle.

- You have to believe that inherited wealth is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

- You have to believe that war is an acceptable solution to any economic or social problem.

- You have to believe that everyone should support the troops - except when it comes to paying them.

- You have to believe that affirmative action is wrong, while still supporting discrimination against minorities.

- You have to believe that Ann Coulter is normal and really a very nice person.

- You have to believe that the only reason supply-side economics hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

- You have to believe liberals telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and draft-dodger belongs in the White House.

- You have to believe that the Ten Commandments should be displayed in every public building regardless of the fact that not everyone in America is a Christian.

- You have to believe that illegal Republican Party funding by corporations is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

- You have to believe that the media are biased toward liberals, despite the fact that all the major media outlets are owned by ultra-rich conservatives.

Heh. I liked that list.

Would just like to point out that Ann Coulter is a sexy bit[b][/b]ch and I would hit it. I would hit that two times!

And Gbaji claims he's not a Republican...

Same as the other post. Bloody old.

Nowhere in that article does it refer to the Democratic Party or to Kerry. The CNN Article refers to the NAACP. I think that's where the Kerry connection comes from, as the NAACP has historically supported Democrats.

Not a strong case against the Dems at all.



Edited, Thu Oct 28 17:34:27 2004 by Natdatilgnome