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I'm a poet....Follow

#1 Oct 08 2004 at 1:01 PM Rating: Good
...and didn't even realize it!

Quote:
Dear Grant,

Imagine your poem featured on an entire page to itself . . .

Over the past several months, we have been reviewing the thousands of poems submitted to us, as well as examining the poetic accomplishments of people whose poetry has appeared on the Internet and in various editions released by other poetry publishers in America and Europe. After an exhaustive examination of this poetic artistry, The International Library of Poetry wishes to feature an entire page devoted exclusively to the poetry of Grant Wylie in a collection of new poems written by the Best Poets we have encountered.


Amazing, they must read this website.

Quote:
The Best Poems and Poets of 2004

Congratulations on your accomplishment, Grant. Your poetry will be featured along with a distinguished group of just 200 of the Best Poets that were selected to participate in this special project.

And that's not all.


Ooh ooh, there's more!!

Quote:
To honor the accomplishments of this elite group of talented individuals, we have established a separate contest with over $3,500.00 in prizes to be awarded among you. You will automatically be entered into the final competition, but you must submit a new unpublished poem on the enclosed entry form. Prizes will be announced by December 31, with an anticipated publication date of January 2005.

The Best Poems and Poets of 2004 will be among the finest quality books we have ever produced. Every aspect of publication and design will convey the quality craftsmanship and attention to detail that will go into the production of this special edition. This coffee-table quality book will be printed in two colors on fine-milled paper and will feature a highly detailed, full-colored cover, and quality typography throughout. And best of all . . .

. . . this special edition will feature an entire page devoted exclusively to a new, unpublished poem by

Grant Wylie!


Don't worry, I wont forget you guys when I make it big.

Quote:


Before going any further, Grant, let me make one thing clear . . . you were selected for publication on the basis of your unique talent.


Damn straight.

Quote:
The new poem which you will submit for this edition has been accepted for publication because your previously published poetry sparks the imagination and presents the reader with a fresh, unique perspective on life.

We believe you to be one of the most interesting poets we have encountered, so we wish to feature your artistry in this special edition and make this special prize money available to you and the others who have been chosen for publication. You should be aware that you are under no obligation whatsoever to submit any entry fee or subsidy payment, or to make any purchase of any kind. Of course, many people do wish to own a copy of the publication in which their artistry appears. If you would like to order a copy, please see the enclosed material for special discount information.

SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW?

As I mentioned above, your poetry will automatically be accepted into this special edition, and as soon as you submit your new, unpublished poem, it will be typeset for publication and entered into the final competition of the contest. You will also receive a typeset "Artist's Proof" of your poem for your review prior to publication. And let me assure you, your poem remains your property -- The Best Poems and Poets of 2004 is copyrighted as a compilation. This means that you retain all rights to your own work of art.


Grant, Please Enter Your Poem Right Away!

In order to make our scheduled publication date, you must submit your new poem as soon as possible. Your poem must be original, it must be 24 lines or less, and it must be written by you as one of our Best Poets of 2004. (Since you have been specially selected for the quality of your poetry, if you use a pen name you must certify that the poem you submit was written by Grant Wylie.) And, if you wish to order a copy of The Best Poems and Poets of 2004 at our special pre-publication price, please also complete the enclosed order form (you are under no obligation to order anything).

Grant, you also have the opportunity to include some personal information about yourself and your poetry in this elegant edition. In this way, readers can gain a greater awareness about your motivations, the meaning poetry has in your life, the story behind your poem, or your personal or philosophical point of view. Your biography will be printed on a page by itself, directly across from your poem--you will thus have two full pages in the book devoted exclusively to you and your artistry. And although we must charge a nominal fee for this service, you are under no obligation to include this information. Your poem can be published without it if you wish. Please see the Artist's Profile for further information.

Again, congratulations. The Best Poems and Poets of 2004 promises to be the most exclusive collection of poetry we have ever published. We feel you have a special talent and we believe your poem will add to the importance and appeal of this edition. Your contribution to this project is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Howard Ely
Managing Editor



P.S. Grant, you should be genuinely proud of your accomplishment. You have been selected to participate in The Best Poems and Poets of 2004 because of your unique vision. It is our pleasure to publish fine poetry such as yours in this historic volume. And, if you decide to order a copy, we are so certain that you will love the quality of the edition and the way your poetry is presented, we can proudly offer an unconditional iron-clad guarantee. If for any reason you are dissatisfied, your money will be promptly refunded.

Submit your poem and order the hardbound anthology now or go to
https://www.poetry.com/poetrybuy/BestSubmitPoem.asp?ID=P4057577&SC=N224

Everything you want to know about participating in this historic project

If you no longer wish us to notify you of poetic events that we believe may be of interest to you, please click here, or go to http://www.poetry.com/nl/stopemail.asp.


Wow, I've never even sent a poem to them and they already sense my poetic genius!

I know you jealous ******* will try to tell me it's all a hoax, here's a GFY to you.

Can't stand to see somebody make it to the top, can ya?

Boo-yah muthafukahs!



#2 Oct 08 2004 at 1:03 PM Rating: Good
****
4,285 posts
I got the same letter when I mislabled my cable bill payment.
#3 Oct 08 2004 at 1:05 PM Rating: Decent
First, theatre and now literature?

You sooo caught the gay.
#4 Oct 08 2004 at 1:09 PM Rating: Good
***
1,817 posts
Quote:
You sooo caught the gay.


i'm sure there is a line item in skeet's old list of things that determine you are gay thread...now if only i had premium, i could do a search to find it. :(
#5 Oct 08 2004 at 1:11 PM Rating: Good
YAY! Canaduhian
*****
10,293 posts
Posting from the bay,
the Prince of Pickle pondered the poet's way.
From his patch he gazed forth,
framed by orange to the north,
celebrating another gone to Team Gay.





____________________________
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
#6 Oct 08 2004 at 1:11 PM Rating: Excellent
Liberal Conspiracy
*******
TILT
"Grant"?
____________________________
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#7 Oct 08 2004 at 1:15 PM Rating: Decent
Empyre wrote:
Quote:
You sooo caught the gay.


i'm sure there is a line item in skeet's old list of things that determine you are gay thread...now if only i had premium, i could do a search to find it. :(


There are 4116 posts with "Skeet" and "Gay" in them. (+1)

I need some more info on the thread.

And you can't search in Titles of threads....just a reminder.
#8 Oct 08 2004 at 1:16 PM Rating: Decent
Princess Tare wrote:
Posting from the bay,
the Prince of Pickle pondered the poet's way.
From his patch he gazed forth,
framed by orange to the north,
celebrating another gone to Team Gay.


Damn English Majors! :)
#9 Oct 08 2004 at 1:18 PM Rating: Good
YAY! Canaduhian
*****
10,293 posts
I frickin' hate poetry, for the most part. I did everything I could to avoid poetry class at University. Guess it shows! Smiley: lol

____________________________
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
#10 Oct 08 2004 at 1:20 PM Rating: Decent
NO, that was good.

I now demand everyone respond to me in poetry now...even people that I meet in person.

#11 Oct 08 2004 at 1:22 PM Rating: Good
***
1,817 posts
Quote:
There are 4116 posts with "Skeet" and "Gay" in them. (+1)


i may have to renew premium now. :-/
#12 Oct 08 2004 at 1:22 PM Rating: Excellent
Liberal Conspiracy
*******
TILT
There once was a Pickleprince from Nantucket...
____________________________
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#13 Oct 08 2004 at 1:22 PM Rating: Good
****
4,285 posts
I've read some posts the the pickle
And I've found he can be very fickle.
But he still makes me laugh
So I'll spare him my wrath.
And save my insults for varus.
#14 Oct 08 2004 at 1:23 PM Rating: Good
Official Shrubbery Waterer
*****
14,659 posts
This is ubsurd,
That we must respond to this ****,
For how are we to rhyme,
All the freakin' time?

I move we say "no",
Use our forum veto,
And send this ******,
Back to the pumpkin patch.

Twiztid
____________________________
Jophiel wrote:
I managed to be both retarded and entertaining.

#15 Oct 08 2004 at 1:27 PM Rating: Excellent
Ministry of Silly Cnuts
*****
19,524 posts
Sonnet on Pickle's Avatar
by the Bard of Alla

In Autumn's deepest mellow hues of gold
Among the harvest bounty hath enriched
There lay a pilgrim neither young nor old
Who on the forums mused and japed and bi[/i]tched

How like a maiden doth appear his hair
How like a hippy lain upon the floor
Tho' bearded, still he's girlier than Tare
Like red-light sailors predatory ashore.

A comb would make the whole appearance neater
But Pickle still don't look half as gay as Skeeter



[i]Iambic Pentameter Motherfu[i]
ckers! Check that bi[/i]tching metre!
____________________________
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
#16 Oct 08 2004 at 1:29 PM Rating: Good
YAY! Canaduhian
*****
10,293 posts
Nobby wrote:
Tho' bearded, still he's girlier than Tare


LOL!!!! Good stuff, Nobby!

____________________________
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
#17 Oct 08 2004 at 1:30 PM Rating: Good
Official Shrubbery Waterer
*****
14,659 posts
Quote:
Iambic Pentameter Motherfu[i][/i]ckers!
Smiley: laughSmiley: lolSmiley: laughSmiley: lolSmiley: laughSmiley: lolSmiley: laughSmiley: lolSmiley: laugh

Awesome!

Twiztid
____________________________
Jophiel wrote:
I managed to be both retarded and entertaining.

#18 Oct 08 2004 at 1:30 PM Rating: Decent
It's fun, you see,
To take shots at me
While using a meter and rhyme.

You can act like an elf
or Go Fu[u][/u]ck Yourself,
But dont't you dare waste all of my time.
#19 Oct 08 2004 at 1:32 PM Rating: Decent
Princess Tare wrote:
Nobby wrote:
Tho' bearded, still he's girlier than Tare


LOL!!!! Good stuff, Nobby!



You know that was more about you than me.

[or maybe more about Nobby :) ]
#20 Oct 08 2004 at 1:33 PM Rating: Good
Ministry of Silly Cnuts
*****
19,524 posts
Simple verse
Is sometimes worse
When written down
by a simple clown

But when you try
it goes awry
So I have to
FTFY

Kaboom Pickle
____________________________
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
#21 Oct 08 2004 at 1:35 PM Rating: Good
****
4,596 posts
I wen't ahead and submitted your poem for you. Don't forget me when you become the rich and famous cherry on top of an ice cream sunday of expensive hookers.
____________________________
Nicroll 65 Assassin
Teltorid 52 Druid
Aude Sapere

Oh hell camp me all you want f**kers. I own this site and thus I own you. - Allakhazam
#22 Oct 08 2004 at 1:36 PM Rating: Good
****
4,285 posts
You have nothing but time to waste
Your posts aren't written with haste.
Just take your sweet time,
And find a good rhyme,
Then maybe you'll get some respect.



Though in age, you may be older,
I've never had **** on my shoulder.
You look gay in that patch,
Clean out your snatch.
What IS that **** on your chest?
#23 Oct 08 2004 at 1:37 PM Rating: Good
Official Shrubbery Waterer
*****
14,659 posts
^^ Worst rhymed limericks evah!

Twiztid
____________________________
Jophiel wrote:
I managed to be both retarded and entertaining.

#24 Oct 08 2004 at 1:40 PM Rating: Good
Ministry of Silly Cnuts
*****
19,524 posts
Roses are red
Violets are Blue
Some poems rhyme
but DewVictim's don't


edited to get the OP right - sorry Twizt

Edited, Fri Oct 8 14:42:39 2004 by Nobby
____________________________
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
#25 Oct 08 2004 at 1:41 PM Rating: Decent
Nobby wrote:
Simple verse
Is sometimes worse
When written down
by a simple clown

But when you try
it goes awry
So I have to
FTFY

Kaboom Pickle


But sometimes one falls
to the height of my balls
and supine doth lay on the floor.

With the might of my pen
and the patience of Zen,
I'll politely call your mother a *****
#26 Oct 08 2004 at 1:41 PM Rating: Good
****
4,285 posts
Atleast they are quick and to the point.
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