(ANY!)JokesFollow

Ok i suck at jokes i wanted to see how much i sucked compared to other people. here it goes:

this retarded kid walks into a bar and asks the bartender "got any kandy?" and the barteneder says "no we dont so leave". the next to the kid comes back and asks the same question "got any kandy?" and the barteneder says "We don't have any kandy! IF YOU COME BACK ILL NAIL YOUR FEET TO THE GROUND!". so the next day the kid comes back and asks "got any nails?" and the barteneder says "NO!" then the kid says "got any kandy?"

~fin~

Edit: crap wrong place to put this.....and i dont know how to delete it. ****! can anyone help before the guy-who-can-kick-people kicks me???

Edited, Sun Oct 3 16:06:28 2004 by NeemaRu

whats inside of the ******?




Yo Momma.
whats inside yo momma?

Yo daddy

whats around your dad's ****?

Yo mouth.

hehehhe. Sorry guy-who-can-kick-ppl if this is to inapropiete

Whats the problemn sporino? did i sickin you out? If so sorry ;;. if not then... *huggles everyone that has visited this thread and kisses them on the nose* im a very friendly person you know ~.^

A guy is drinking at the bar when a drunk staggers up to him, and slurs, "Your mom's the best lay in town!" Everyone prepares for the ensuing fight but the guy ignores the drunk, so he wanders off, only to return ten minutes later. This time the drunk says, "I just did your mom and it was swe-e-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later, he's back again. "Your mom loves it rough!" finally the guy says with disgust, "Go home, Dad. You're drunk again!"


Three nuns have died and are standing outside the Gates of Heaven with Sct. Peter. He asks Nun #1 if she's done anything disgraceful which will prevent her from entering Heaven. "I once touched a mans genitalia by accident" she says. "Go wash your hands in that bowl of holy water" Sct. Peter says. The nun does so and she's allowed to enter Heaven. The 2nd nun approaches Sct. Peter, but the 3rd nun skips the line and says, "Excuse me Sct. Peter, but I was wondering, could I perhaps wash my mouth in the water before she washes her ***?"


This isn't a real joke, but it's funny anyway.

F3ll0wsh1p of teh R1ng


[At Bilbo's 111th Birthday]
Merry: "Omg, I pwn"
Pippin: "Sif, I pwn"
**Rocket goes off
Gandalf: "Pwned!"


Bilbo: "This = shiz, bai foos"
Bilbo has left the server
Frodo: "***!?"


[later, in Bag End]
Gandalf: "Give teh ringz0r to Frodo"
Bilbo: "Sif! It r precious!"
Gandalf: "STFU NOOB!!!"
Bilbo: "ok"
Gandalf has logged on as admin
Bilbo has been kicked from The Shire


**Later
Gandalf: "Show me teh ring, foo!"
**Gandalf rides out, does some research, comes back
Gandalf: "OMGZ, it R teh ring!"
Frodo: "***?"
Gandalf has logged on as admin
Frodo has been kicked from The Shire
Sam has been kicked from The Shire


[At Isengard]
Gandalf: "sup dawg, i r g4nd4lf da gr3y!"
Saruman: "Foo! U R teh noob!"
Gandalf: "***?!"
Saruman: "Sauron pwns joo!"
Gandalf: "Sif, I R leet"
**Sarumon beats the **** out of Gandalf
Saruman: "Pwned!"


[on the road to Bree]
Merry: "look foos, shrooms!"
Pippin: "Woot! Shrooms!"
Frodo: "Ph34r!"
Sam: "Shrooms!"
Frodo: "PH34R!1!1"
**black rider stops, sniffs, goes past
Frodo: "OMG, packetloss!"


[Bree, in the Inn of the Prancing Pony]
**Frodo is drinking and dancing on a table, then slips
Frodo has left the server
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "OMGz, dc'd"
Aragorn: "OMG, noobz"


[at Weathertop]
Merry: "Mmm, shrooms!"
**MERRY IS BROADCASTING HIS IP ADDRESS!!!
Frodo: "Foos! Ph34r teh haxorz"


**the black riders attack
Merry: "OMG!!!"
Sam: "O.M.G!!!11"
Pippin: "***"
Frodo has left the server
**head nazgul stabs Frodo's ghost
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "***... hax!"
**Aragorn lraps into the fray with a flaming brand
Aragorn: "PH34r!!!!!!"
Merry: "LOLOL flamed! "


[on the road to Rivendell]
Aragorn: "ZOMG!Arwen!"
**Arwen rides up
Aragorn: "A/S/L? Wanna net secks?"
Arwen: "Sif! *** is up with Frodo?"
Sam: "teh leet Hax0r "
Arwen: "Firewall?"


**Arwen rides off with Frodo, the nazgul give chase. Arwen crosses the
ford at Rivendell.
Arwen: "PH34R!! My dad pwns urs!"
**nazgul start to cross
Arwen: "LOLOLOLO noobs!!1!"
**the ford rises up and washes the nazgul away
Warning: Connection Problems Detected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
Arwen: "Pwnt"


[at the Council of Elrond]
Gimli: "dwarves pwn!"
Legolas: "Sif, Elves pwn!"
Boromir: "OLOLOL noobs, men pwn!"
Elrond: "STFU tards!!1!"
**Frodo puts the ring on the plinth
Gimili: "Sif ring pwns all!"
**Gimli swings his axe at it, which shatters
Elrond: "**sigh, noob"


[Frodo meets up with Bilbo]
Bilbo: "OLOL, me = 10th level thief!"
Frodo: "OMG, u r teh pwn!"
Bilbo: "Do u still have teh ringz0r?"
**Frodo shows Bilbo the One Ring
Bilbo: "OMG u tard, I want to TK you!"
Frodo: "sif!"
Bilbo: "ph34r my mithril"


[The Fellowship leaves Rivendell]
**Gandalf leads the fellowship through the mountains
Legolas: "ZOMG, leet gfx!"
Gimli: "I R dropping frames! FFS"
**There's an avalanche which threatens to knock them off the shelf
Gimli: "Gandalf, teh draw distance is too far!1!!1"
Gandalf: "**Sigh. Moria?"
Gimli votes to change map to Moria
Votes 4 of 4 required
Legolas: "lolol Gimli, time to upgrade!"


[The fellowship approaches the gates of Moria]
Gandalf: "FFS, its too hard! Anyone got a walkthrough?"
**The gates of Mordor open, but the Guardian attacks!
Frodo: "OMG! ph34r!"
Boromir: "GL HF"
Aragorn [broadsword] guardian
Legolas [arrow] guardian
Gandalf: "gg"


[The fellowship enters the mines of Moria]
Gimli: "OMG!!!! PWNED!"


**After travelling some time in the dark the Fellowship come to a
chamber with a large well
Gandalf: "teh bookz0r has some clues!"
**Merry knocks a skeleton in armour down the well
Gandalf: "OMG! noob!"
Merry: "d'oh"
**The fellowship hears the ork drums
Boromir: "***?"
Aragorn: "***?"
Frodo: "..."
Gandalf: "Oh ffs >. <"
**the fellowhip shores up the doors as the orks come
Boromir: "TEAMS FFS!"
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Boromir [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
ork: "OMG! h4x!"
Gimli: "pwned"!
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas: "lol!!"
Boromir [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Gimli: "Foos!" Legolas [arrow] ork
ork: "ffs, wallhax!"
**The cavetroll enters the chambers destroying the doors
Gandalf: "Oh ffs!"
Boromir: "Omg, its teh boss!"
Aragorn: "Sif noob, we're not at teh end yet!"
**Cavetroll slams Boromir and Aragorn out of the way, and then skewers
Frodo
Sam: "OMG!"
Gandalf: "OMG!"
Aragorn: "omg, pwn!"
**Legolas jumps on the cavetroll and shoots arrows down into its head
Legolas [arrow] cavetroll
Ork: "OMG! PWNED!"
Gimli: "LOLOOLOL! noobs"
**The fellowship then runs through Moria, chased the whole way by a
horde of orks
Boromir: "FFS! Teams, foos!"
**A flaming shadow starts to follow them, and the orks withdraw
Aragorn: "Now THIS is teh boss!"
Gandalf: "OMG!"
**The fellowship take to long flights of stairs that are starting to
crumble and fall. Orks shoot at them with arrows.
Legolas: "LOL, noobs. Chex0r this out!1!"
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
ork: "AIMBOT!"
ork: "turn it off!"
Legolas: "lolol!"
**The fellowship crosses a bridge, Gandalf stops to confront the balrog
Gandalf: "joo shall not pass!"
Balrog: "***?"
Gandalf: "JOO SHALL NOT PASS!"
Balrog: "Sif, noob"
**Gandalf strikes the bridge with his staff, cracking it and causing it
to break under the Balrog's weight
Balrog: "ZOMG! PWNED!"
Frodo: "OMG! Gandalf!"
**The Balrog falls and in a last act of defiance strikes out with its
whip, entangling Gandalf
Gandalf: "D'oh"
Frodo: "OMG, joo foo!"
Gandalf: "fly u foos, fly!"
**Gandalf lets go and follows the Balrog into the crevass
Gandalf has left the server
Balrog has disconnected


[After escaping Moria the fellowship finds itself in Loth Lorien]
**The fellowship rests, and in the night Frodo speaks with Galadriel
Galadriel: "For a noob, u r teh leet!"
Frodo: "Sif. I don't want teh ringz0r. Do u want teh ringz0r?"
Galadriel: "******! SIF I want teh ringz0r. I have enough h4x of my
own!1"


[The fellowship leaves Loth Lorien and sets out via river]
Saurman: "ph34r my army of uruk hai! Go outz0r, find teh hobbitz and pwnz0r them!"
uruk hai: "leet!"


[stopping at the banks of the river, the Fellowship sets up camp]
**Frodo goes off looking for firewood, Boromir follows and confronts him

Boromir: "Gimmie teh ringz0r so ** hax can fight teh boss!"
Frodo: "Sif, foo. Punkbuster will pwn joo!"
Boromir: "Naw, we play on non-pb servers"
Frodo: "STFU noob"
Frodo has left the server
Boromir: "***! FRODO! Bring teh ringz0r back, *************


**A group of Uruk Hai encounter Boromir
Boromir: "OH FFS, TEAMS!!"
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Boromir: "****ing campers"
**Aragorn comes across the battle
Aragorn: "Boromir joo noob! ***!"
Uruk Hai: "Hah, pwn!"
Aragorn [broadsword] Uruk Hai
Aragorn: "I bring joo teh pwn!"
**Aragorn goes to Boromir
Boromir: "Damn lag!"
Warning: Connection problems detected
Boromir has disconnected
Aragorn: "FFS!"


[Frodo returns to the bank of the river where he gets into a boat. Sam 'sees' him]
Sam: "Frodo! ***! Invisibility h4x!"
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "Sam, STFU and FOAD!"
Sam: "Sif!"
Frodo: "Oh, ffs n00b!"


3Nd!!!!11

Just caught your other thread. You claim to be a "very mature twelve"

Or another troll. I doubt I need to flip a coin here.

I do

Do you guys have 'lightbulb' jokes in the states?
(How many xxxxx does it take to change a lightbulb?)

NeemaRu

Your age is irrelevant to me. Your posts, however, are annoying sh[i][/i]ite. Whether it's your age, psychosis, in-breeding or a successful 'personality bypass' operation that causes it, I suggest you knock back a bottle of Jack Daniels and practice some sport.

Can I recommend 'Shot Heading' or 'Javelin Catching'?

Q: How many folk singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 4; 1 to change the bulb, and 3 to sing about how much nicer the old lightbulb used to be



Q: Why does it take 6 pre-menstrual women to change a lighbulb?
a: It Just Fu[i][/i]cking Does OKAY!!!

Qaoz: a link to your ungodly long attempt of a joke woulda been better.

and for the second joke:

This thread.

Quit wasting our time.

No, you see.. that link would refer to my website thus creating a way for all you Dixie Chicks to flame me even more.

So this thread is a joke and we're wasting your precious time?

1) Why are you in here if you think the thread's a joke? You can see the topic from the main board.

2) Why are you spending precious time replying to this thread?

3) What in God's forsaken name are you spending your oh so precious time on when you're not scanning the Allakhazam boards?