Ok I got one...
My Fellow Christians,
We know you love your self so much that you look in the mirror any chance you can get and your children. We know you share the same concerns as all good and Clinton-hating Americans. You want to be safe, secure, and happy just like the rest of us. You are a good American and want what's best for the country, like we do.
This war on terror is a necessary evil to eradicate a greater evil, for the good of all good people everywhere, and we know you'll support it with all your heart, no matter how long it takes, or how much it costs, because you are righteous and true.
The only way out of this situation is to shoot us up some brown people so that businesses can create new jobs for working men and women. But the bleeding heart Democrats are trying to take your hard-earned money and give it to people who need it instead of keeping it in your pocket where it belongs. If you're a patriot and love your country you'll help us convince America that our crock of **** policies are good for them to help get our country back on its feet and keep us all safe.
Remember, if you want our country to be competitive and not be bombed by godless brown turbanheads, put the House and Senate back into the hands of the people who are insecure about their masculinity, who are upstanding citizens who engage in no sexual positions or activities other than 'Missionary,', and who want to give you a load of crap to get your vote and the blood of Iraqi children instead of feeding illegal job-stealing immigrants who are smarter than your children. Remember friends, to save the good 'ol U.S. of A., vote to impeach Clinton again...so what if he's out of office! in the next election!