- Forums
- Cross Site
- The Asylum
- Tell me......
Tell me......Follow
a good joke. Haven't heard one in a while. I accept all forms of insults as well.
FigNewton.
No wait. You said a good joke.
I got nothin'.
No wait. You said a good joke.
I got nothin'.
Pickleprince's smashed balls. He is really mad about the fact that he can no longer reproduce. You have been warned. He has progressed to the stage of denial, he will actually tell you that he is able to have kids. It's sad, really....
I saw a joke in FHM a while back. I'll try to do my best at retelling it:
3 Prostitutes live in the same house: A grandmother, a mother, and the daughter. The daughter comes home from work and says, "It has been such a crappy day, I only got 50 bucks for one *******!"
The mother says, "That's Good! When I was your age I was lucky to get $5"
The grandmother says. "You should both feel lucky! In my day we were happy to get something warm in our stomachs!"
3 Prostitutes live in the same house: A grandmother, a mother, and the daughter. The daughter comes home from work and says, "It has been such a crappy day, I only got 50 bucks for one *******!"
The mother says, "That's Good! When I was your age I was lucky to get $5"
The grandmother says. "You should both feel lucky! In my day we were happy to get something warm in our stomachs!"
Quote:
Pickleprince's smashed balls. He is really mad about the fact that he can no longer reproduce. You have been warned. He has progressed to the stage of denial, he will actually tell you that he is able to have kids. It's sad, really....
He said "good joke" not another one of your homoerotic herpes-induced fever dreams.
Death, I hate to tell you...but it ain't happening. I'm taken.
Edited, Mon Jul 12 15:39:29 2004 by pickleprince
Quote:
He said "good joke" not another one of your homerotic herpes-induced fever dreams.
Oh ok, didn't catch that, my bad.
Quote:
Pickleprince's smashed balls. He is really mad about the fact that he can no longer reproduce. You have been warned. He has progressed to the stage of denial, he will actually tell you that he is able to have kids. It's sad, really....
Now why would you know this?
Quote:
3 Prostitutes live in the same house: A grandmother, a mother, and the daughter. The daughter comes home from work and says, "It has been such a crappy day, I only got 50 bucks for one *******!"
The mother says, "That's Good! When I was your age I was lucky to get $5"
The grandmother says. "You should both feel lucky! In my day we were happy to get something warm in our stomachs!"
The mother says, "That's Good! When I was your age I was lucky to get $5"
The grandmother says. "You should both feel lucky! In my day we were happy to get something warm in our stomachs!"
Thats almost vomit inducing.
Edited, Mon Jul 12 16:51:40 2004 by FigNewton
** WARNING: Reading the following puns will lower your IQ by at least 10 points. Don't blame me, I put it in raed bold text! **
1. What do they call it when the violin player gets in a "bad touch" situation with the percussion section?
Sectional harrasment
2. What do you call an impressionist painter that lives in central america?
el-salvador dali!
3. What kind of automobile is the national car of Norway?
Fjords
4. and finally <CENSORED BY THE FILTER. please god no! I can't take anymroe of this!!! errror! error! 10101011011110101001!!!!!!>
1. What do they call it when the violin player gets in a "bad touch" situation with the percussion section?
Sectional harrasment
2. What do you call an impressionist painter that lives in central america?
el-salvador dali!
3. What kind of automobile is the national car of Norway?
Fjords
4. and finally <CENSORED BY THE FILTER. please god no! I can't take anymroe of this!!! errror! error! 10101011011110101001!!!!!!>
Arch Duke Kaolian Drachensborn, lvl 95 Ranger, Unrest Server
Tech support forum | FAQ (Support) | Mobile Zam: http://m.zam.com (Premium only)
Forum Rules
Tech support forum | FAQ (Support) | Mobile Zam: http://m.zam.com (Premium only)
Forum Rules
Damn Kao. I read your warning, and it made me want to read more, that sucks, because now that I've read it, I want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty tuna fish can topper.
What's brown and sticky?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A stick.
My joke was so funny, I had to post it twice!
Edited, Mon Jul 12 17:42:35 2004 by trickybeck
Edited, Mon Jul 12 17:42:35 2004 by trickybeck
Found this one amusing a while back:
A Husband Shopping Center has just opened where a woman may go to Choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch.
As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor,
but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 769,987,421 to this
floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof
that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband-Mart
and have a nice day.
A Husband Shopping Center has just opened where a woman may go to Choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch.
As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor,
but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 769,987,421 to this
floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof
that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband-Mart
and have a nice day.
Quote:
shoots him, then analy rapes him.
So, that would make you a bunch of necrophiliacs? Wow, congrats on that, better buy some shovels, or apply at some morgues.
Quote:
Perhaps it was a shot in the *** to make the hole a little bit bigger for Totem to fit his tool into.
OH it's been a good night on the boards
Hahehaehaehah.
Two blondes walked into a bar. You would have thought one of them would have ducked.
Some people are like slinkies, they aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
An Irishman walks out of a bar...no wait nevermind, that's impossible.
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick.
How many Irish does it take to change a lightbulb? A whole roomfull, one holds it and the rest drink till the room starts spinning.
Long ago, two kingdoms were at war, and it was imperative that the king deliver a message to the front lines. He chose his most trusted knight and sent him off on a fast horse. The knight rode hard through most of the night and along the way a terrible storm hit. There was lightning everywhere, furious winds, driving rain.. As the knight rode by a tree, lightning struck it causing the horse to throw him and bolt off. Not to be deterred, the knight continued on foot. After a few miles, he came upon an inn. He began pounding on the door and finally roused the inkeeper.
"Inkeeper, I need a horse, it's urgent King's business"
"I'm sorry Sir, but I have no horses" the inkeeper replied.
The knight cursed and started off again when he noticed this utterly huge dog tied up in the yard of the inn. He looked at it a moment and decided he might be able to ride it.
"Inkeeper, what about this dog? It looks sturdy enough to ride"
"Oh no sir, I couldn't possibly send a knight out on a dog like this"
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick.
How many Irish does it take to change a lightbulb? A whole roomfull, one holds it and the rest drink till the room starts spinning.
Long ago, two kingdoms were at war, and it was imperative that the king deliver a message to the front lines. He chose his most trusted knight and sent him off on a fast horse. The knight rode hard through most of the night and along the way a terrible storm hit. There was lightning everywhere, furious winds, driving rain.. As the knight rode by a tree, lightning struck it causing the horse to throw him and bolt off. Not to be deterred, the knight continued on foot. After a few miles, he came upon an inn. He began pounding on the door and finally roused the inkeeper.
"Inkeeper, I need a horse, it's urgent King's business"
"I'm sorry Sir, but I have no horses" the inkeeper replied.
The knight cursed and started off again when he noticed this utterly huge dog tied up in the yard of the inn. He looked at it a moment and decided he might be able to ride it.
"Inkeeper, what about this dog? It looks sturdy enough to ride"
"Oh no sir, I couldn't possibly send a knight out on a dog like this"
Did you all hear about Lorena Bobbit? She died in a car accident!
Yeah, some di[b][/b]ck cut her off.
Edited, Tue Jul 13 02:53:04 2004 by CrimsonMagician
Yeah, some di[b][/b]ck cut her off.
Edited, Tue Jul 13 02:53:04 2004 by CrimsonMagician
What's red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
A red bucket.
Red Buckets and sticks, you guys are hilarious.
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. Bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
What did the mexican fireman name his twin sons?
Jose and Josb
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of *** that brings tears to your eyes.
What word starts with F and ends with UCK?
Firetruck
Seen on the wall of the mens room: Why are you looking here for a joke? The real joke is in your hand.
[Riding a circus elephant]
Peter Griffin: Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change.
What did the mexican fireman name his twin sons?
Jose and Josb
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of *** that brings tears to your eyes.
What word starts with F and ends with UCK?
Firetruck
Seen on the wall of the mens room: Why are you looking here for a joke? The real joke is in your hand.
[Riding a circus elephant]
Peter Griffin: Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change.
A priest is walking down the sidewalk when he comes across a small boy playing. The priest notices a small puff of smoke and stops to ask what the boy is doing. "I'm playing with this acid I got from my brother. It's really cool!", the kid replies. The priest decides he shoudl get this dangerous item away from the child, so he offers to swap it for something. After a bit of fumbling around for a decent swap, he comes up with a vial of holy water.
"What's so cool about that?", the boy inquires.
The priest explains, "I put this on the stomach of a pregnant woman and she passed the baby."
The kid shoots back, "That's nothing, my brother put this on the *** of a cat and it passed a VolksWagen."
"What's so cool about that?", the boy inquires.
The priest explains, "I put this on the stomach of a pregnant woman and she passed the baby."
The kid shoots back, "That's nothing, my brother put this on the *** of a cat and it passed a VolksWagen."
Recent Visitors: 203
All times are in CST
Gidono, Anonymous Guests (202)
- Forums
- Cross Site
- The Asylum
- Tell me......
© 2024 Fanbyte LLC