Man that Xenga thing makes me want to hang myselfFollow

Xenga = Online journals that anyone on the internet can read (I believe)

I've been dating my girlfriend for about six months, but we've been friends and dated off and on for two years.

My general rule is that when I get into a serious relationship I don't know / don't care about what she has done in the past. It's not important now.

i.e. who she's dated what she's done

Basically all those questions you used to ask girls when you first got into a relationship in high school. The ones you had to know the answers to even though those answers gave you that sinking feeling in your stomach.

To make a long story short. I broke my own rule today.

I was really bored at work so I started typing names of people I know into google to see if anything comes up. Type in gf's name and this xenga thing pops up, so I check it out.

Basically it is an online journal of the last two years of her life. First thing that flashes through my head is "DON'T READ IT"
Well obvioulsly I didn't heed that advice, and learned that a lot of events over the last two years played out quite differently than I remember.

Especially the part where one of my friends hooks up with her for a couple of weeks while she and I weren't talking much, and she's documenting her feelings for him.

Wow I almost forgot how that cold shaking hands, knotted up stomach, light headed, throw yourself into traffic thing felt like.

Should have known better. Time to break out the whiskey.

Or I could just vote for Bush in November and be involuntarily volunteered to do just that.

Man that sucks. Somethings are better left unsaid. But then again better to find out now about that and your "friend" then on your wedding day when he's wasted and says she likes it when you nibble on her butt.

Yeah we weren't friends at the time and still aren't. Seriously doubt I'll invite him to the wedding, especially now. I pretty much knew life was a load of **** in the first place, still it's nice to know that I can still be suprised.

Could we kindly refer to it as pissing myself it sounds so much more alcaholic chic.

That sucks, dude. I've been there myself.

Watch Pushing Tin, take a breath, and realize that life happens. Stick your chin out and tell the universe to give you all it's got.

So, is this narcissistic insecurity?

~Samira, still confused