Jokes of the day 3-17-04Follow

A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla, who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.

The zookeeper approaches a redneck janitor with a proposition. “Would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $500?” he asks.

The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: “First, I don’t want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this.” The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.

“Well,” says the janitor, “I’m gonna need another week to come up with the $500.”

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A Chinese man comes home late one night from a bar and goes upstairs to his bedroom, where his wife is sleeping.

He wakes her up and asks, “Honey, how about a little 69?”

His wife replies angrily, “You come home, middle of the night, and you want me to go downstairs and make you Mongolian beef with mushrooms?!?”

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A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, “I’d like some Polish sausage.”

The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you Polish?”

The guy, clearly offended, says, “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?”

The clerk says, “Well, no.”

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, “Well, alright then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?”

The clerk replies, “Because this is Home Depot.”

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An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the first officer is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together and it’s obvious by the silence that they don’t get along.

After 30 minutes, the Jewish captain mutters, “I don’t like Chinese.”

The first officer replies, “You no rike Chinese? Why dat?”

“You bombed Pearl Harbor. That’s why I don’t like Chinese.”

“No, no, Japanese bomb Peahl Hahbah, not Chinese.”

“Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, it doesn’t matter. They’re all alike.”

Another 30 minutes of silence. Finally the first officer says, “No rike Jews.”

“Why not? Why don’t you like Jews?”

“Jews sink Titanic.”

“No, no. The Jews didn’t sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg.”

“Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, no mattah. All arike.”

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