How many beers would it take for you to ***** Katie?Follow

For being a "life" partner, Squiggles certainly didn't last very long. But he sure looks cute all KYed up with his eyes closed in death-- just like he's sleeping peacefully after being coming through the birth canal.

<tee hee!>

Only that wasn't where he popped out!

<tee hee!>

Wow. I am ready to cheat on the love of my life with a disreputable woman in a run-down motel mere hours after after his death from bungitis. I meet her a half hour before closing time in a crappy liquor-hole where they serve rotgut whiskey to us, the only patrons in this fine establishment. Katie is feeling up my leg, which brings back vivid memories of Squiggles climbing up my pants leg, and I am ready to hose her down with my baby batter? I must be emotionally traumatised!

Yet, I can't help wondering. Is there some necrophilia involved? Do I wish to decorate her upper lip with his little **** pellets? Am I tempted to give her a Dirty Sanchez with Squiggles' limp and lifeless ***** smeared body? Am I so depraved that I'd lift poor dear Squiggles out of his shoebox coffin, so recently buried in my backyard, and sully his memory with dispicable and vile acts of necro-zoophilia?

Totem

Edited, Fri Jan 23 15:43:43 2004 by Totem

Totem do you like draging things out to the max before answering.

Totem, you've been cheating on the love of your life for much longer than you know! Katie was there at your wedding, and if it wasn't for the crusted over ***, blocking her vocal chords, she would have let out the most impressive mating call when the words "or forever hold your peace" were spoken from James Brown as he married you to your wife in his "Funky Sex Machine" Chapel.

The nights of asking your wife to make farm noises while fingering you, the times you'd dip a rubber nipple in a pile of pig ****, then put it over your wife's nipples and gnaw at them while she was asleep. And the way you think of her every time you step on a San Francisco shore. Isn't it obvious, the answer is 0 beers for you buddy! Run! Run to your love! She is waiting with bated breath and hooves spread wide open!


Edit: Edited to fix an error, even though I meant to put it there in the first place. Yeah.

Edited, Fri Jan 23 16:02:40 2004 by Skeeter

In!

Are any of these threads necessary?


I would never bash Kao, I respect his intelligence, even if I don't necessarily see eye to eye with him all the time.
And calling this thread "bashing you" is like referring to cheerleading as a sport.



Isn't it great? I love grossing people out. At least I'm not like Skeet and lure you in with an innocent-looking link. I let you know the deal right on my title.


Edited to reply to Angua

Edited, Fri Jan 23 16:13:50 2004 by Atomicflea

Heh, if you think my PG-13 rated posts are gross, you should see some of my more, shall we say, creative work in a couple of no-holds-barred forums, TOT included.

So to answer the question of how many beers/drinks it would take for me to succumb to Katie's charms, allow me to reply with yet another question, this time in the form of an answer:

Is God so All-Powerful that He can create a rock so heavy that even He can't lift it?

The truth is, I genuinely like Katie. Honestly. And I believe she gets a bum rap here for taking positions against the grain of the board here (sorry- that was a very bad pun). Admittedly, I pile on like the rest of you pack animals (Kao excepted-- he's a truely nice person) but I hope that my posts are always read in the light wherein they were written: tongue-in-cheek. Or hamster-in-butt. You choose. At any rate I tend to see where a thread is going, then go with a theme which eventually builds on itself, until such time that it collapses from its' own weight. A prime example is this thread. My original posts were 2-3 sentences long, they get longer, more verbose, then WHAM! I can't write anymore because it begins to look like Encyclopedia Britanica. My posts are the written form of a red gas giant (or a redheaded gassy giant) which consumes so much materiel that it devolves into a singularity sucking (literally and figuratively) all matter into itself and from which there is no escape. I am the Black Hole of OOT and I'm not talking about Whoopie Goldberg either.

If Katie is truly offended and says so, I will stop. As I would if any of you said so-- Baldisking is my proof. But until then I shall continue swallowing (insert your own joke here) threads whole into my bloated black soul.

Totem

The only person here who I'd crack on even if his grandmother died and he was diagnosed with cancer that very day would be Smasharoo. Not because I dislike him, far from it-- but rather he has dished it out so well and for so long that it'd be a sign of respect to insult him when he was emotionally vulnerable.

That doesn't make me a bad person, does it?

Totem

Totem, I know you dont mean much by what you type. I tend to laugh out loud and have to call others in to read what you have so hilaiously posted. The others? They are all band wagon hippies. Your right, I am the whipping post of the board, and its because I refuse to give in and side with them. I wont, ever. Its not in me to be a bully, hippo aside. But even his ignorance has reached the tolerance point, he has grown up. All the others pile on like dogs in heat to my posts, and that just proves that I am, have been, and always will be a major part of these boards, wether they like it or not. They will tire out of "beating" when they figure out it gets them no where. It was nam,rob, and numerous others prior to me. And yes, I did enjoy calling Tare, a yankee *****, can I do it again? It fits her so well....

See? Zero beers.
;)

Totem

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't us flocking to you like dogs in heat mean that you are a *****?

Yeah, didn't quite think that one through, did ya?

No, get it straight Tare. Im a *****, Totem is a *****. I enjoy being a *****. Being a ***** is never a bad thing. And scince I continously stand up for what I believe, I must be a *****, right? So be it. Atleast Im not a Yankee *****.

Seeing as how you keep responding... it must be doing something to ya. Did you do that research? No? Figures...