How many beers would it take for you to ***** Katie?Follow

Would the bar be dark?

Totem

Tare used the word "d*nk," which got me to wondering since when is dank, denk, dink, donk, dunk, and sometimes dynk a censorable word/sound?

Totem

Ahhh, kinda like me putting money on a mule: a$$. Gotcha.

Totem

id probably hit it......

with a bottle of patrone after i downed the last shot in it........

then gone off to find a REAL bar with attractive women who still have all their teeth....

I seem to have missed out on all this Katie stuff. Whats the deal? How many beers would it take? Dunno, I did a lot of stupid sh*t in the Army when we hit the bars. I guess it would depend on what she looks like (any one got a picture?) and how much alcohol. Personality figures in there somewhere too. I've known a lot of really pretty women who were so ugly on the inside that I wouldn't hit them with a stolen d***.

It would have to be half hour before last call on any given night because you'd still be in your right mind otherwise.

Ooo.. just imagine it. Tar-stained lights, smells like B.O. and cheese in there, you look up from your watered-down gin and tonic and lock eyes with Katie. It's been a while since you've gone slumming, but you think, why not? It's either this or that hamster up your *** again, and they're starting to recognize you at the ER. You look down again quickly, lest Medusa turns you to stone, but she's not letting you off that easy. No sirree. She waddles over to you, places one plump and warty hand on your thigh and breathing the fumes of moonshine and cigars in you face asks, "I haven't had you before, have I?"

There's the problem right there, Visagoth. Stick around a while and it will all come crystal clear to you.

A'ight-- we gots me on a Friday night, half hour to last call, in a seedy eye-squintingly dark bar with Katie leering at me across the room as if it were some enchanted evening.

Am I excessively horny? Or did I get a pre-date jerk on so I could show more stamina?

Totem

Hmmm. I see the situation is developing here!

To update the rest of you, it is shinbone crackingly dark a half hour before closing in a dingy little bar that apparently gets little business since only Katie and I are there drinking the place dry. Well, maybe not, since the discussion is how many drinks would it take for me to take her to my filthy rent-by-the-hour motel room by the airport.

How far would I have to go before I got to the copiously stained mattress? 20 minutes? Across the parking lot? Or would I just take her right on the torn green felt of the warped pool table?

Totem

Edited, Fri Jan 23 14:41:03 2004 by Totem

So it's nearby? Because depending on if it's a long drive or the availability of taxis is scarce, I could sober up before I weweesed da secwet weapon.

More information please.

Totem

I can see where this is possibly leading. I'm presumably alone in a dank, dark, dismal drinking establishment of little to no repute, I have Katie licking her lips lasciviosly and plying me with the Demon Alcohol. We have locked eyes, giving each other smoldering gazes and steamy looks, leaving me to wonder, "Is she available?" Her hand waaaaay up on my leg is answering that question. I have a couple empty glasses and a partially filled bottle in front of me, but who's to say if they are mine or hers?

Before I answer the question of how many drinks it would take me to sweep her into my arms and hurridly ravish her in an orgiastic convulsion of body fluids, I need to know have I suffered emotional trauma recently? Am I longing for those carefree days of yore before my dog died?

Totem

Ok...I think we need to go back in time a bit. Here's how it all began... <insert dramtic music and fade to black>

That morning Squiggles didn't wake up. He was usually so frisky in the morning, but when Totem woke up he didn't hear the usual squeaking coming from the small, wire cage in the corner. Totem peered in the cage, and poked him gently, looking for any sign of life. Nothing. Just a small dead hamster, covered in last night's KY. "I'm sorry, old friend," muttered Totem, " I guess last night's fun was too much for you."

Despairing the loss of his friend and partner, Totem decided, that since it was happy hour, he'd head out to the airport and see if he could find some company. Then it suddenly came to him... he didn't need Squiggles tonight because it was "ladies" night at the Pig's Nipple. Yeah, that bar right beside Shagger's Motel. Feeling optimistic, Totem stepped into his beat up Geo Tracker and headed out on Route 69.