I am not sure if I will call what I want to say is a rant... but I do have something I wish to say.
I recently heard from Akemi, Leetfade, and Greenjade who have been MIA (Greenjade was gone for like 1 month, and Akemi and Leet was gone for even much longer time. It seems they are up to more important things or bored of FFXI. I do have more important things to attend to myself, and feel quite helpless in the game that I do not have time to do things I wish to do. So I winded up logging on, cannot do things I wanted, chit chat a little bit and log off.
A lot of people think I am really successful player... I always do not feel that way about myself. The reason is I have things I wish to do, but I cannot accomplish myself. Sometimes it is my own decision -- I think my overly defensive, prejudice and selective against certain player behavior, and that really hurt my own progress in the game.
By the time I know I have lost my chance, it is too late. I do not feel I have the responsibility to deal with people I do not like to accomplish something, and I think I may have build a poor reputation among certain player group because of I criticize certain game play style a lot. Now I am really busy of myself, I feel really I cannot do much about doing things I wish to do.
This past Sunday, I got my White Mage AF2 hat from an open Dynamis hosted by a Japanese player. I probably have not gotten a new AF2 for like... 8 months now, and I got this one on pure luck -- it was a free lot, and I am literally the only White Mage there. I haven't feel so happy for a little while -- I actually accomplished something for myself.
I have seen people left the game feeling bored or cannot accomplish anything, leaving the game for RL concerns. And I have seen people zip pass so fast, and accomplish things a lot faster than I do. I do not know where I stand.
Sorry feeling like talking >< I wonder how many people feel the way I am now.