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So my classmate just asked me to get him an arranged marriage. What the...

It's not all that weird. It's kind of a normal thing in some places, you know?

I might also have found a way to get an arranged marriage with the person I want to marry anyway myself. Happy.
I just hope it works...

Just like that? Find a goat and put a veil on it. Presto.

Fact of the matter is, I've got pretty good connections for finding respectable Pakistani girls. I've also got access to people who arrange marriages all the time. I'm also probably the female he is closest to at the moment, which means I have the best idea what sort of wife he should go for.

And honestly, less than with love marriages. Obviously you need to decide this on a case by case basis and have a decent matchmaker, but arranged marriages tend to go pretty well in comparison. and not just because of social stigma, I know a lot of couples who were either completely arranged or had a mix (i.e. the sort of thing I'm going for - ensuring that I'm good enough for him that his family can get good references) and none of them seem unhappy with it. Of course it can go wrong, but man I've seen so many people crash and burn because they had the notion they knew who was a good partner for them. Percentage wise, a lot more.

A lot of "love marriages" go wrong, sure, but only because of a little thing we like to call free will over here. What happens to women who decide to leave their husbands over there? Now tell me again that's not a primary reason for the high arranged marriages success rate.

Anyway, we can argue this all night and I see no reason to because none of us are going to change our minds. Don't argue religion, politics and horses with friends. We're moving into two of those things here.

I just hope you know what you're heading into. I'd hate to have to fly to Pakistan and murder some dude in his sleep because he had you killed, or whatever, for wanting to divorce him.

Yeah, my bad, I was thinking forced marriage. We only use one word for it here and that's arranged marriage. I guess if both parties want an arranged marriage then that changes things. It would be like an extreme version of a matchmaking date show.



I'm sorry, but I've never, ever heard of a woman who had her parents force a man to marry her. 90% of the forced marriages we hear about here consist of some family giving away their daughter without her true consent (she might agree to it out of fear, or indoctrination). When she then tries to leave her husband, or has an affair, or whatever, she ends up dead and the husband and his family (sometimes her family) end up in jail.

Maybe we just get all the religious/old-fashioned freaks, but honor killings seem to be pretty popular in the same circles that practice forced marriage.

Edit: I'm not afraid to admit that my lack of understanding is likely fueled by ignorance since I don't have a lot of contact with that culture. I did not know about the Islamic divorce laws, but now that I do, I find them quite remarkable.

Edited, Feb 6th 2012 3:18am by Mazra

By the way, fuck Calculus.

That's like saying that since there isn't much to begin with at least it can't get worse, sure that may make it easier to solve problems but not for a reason I see as good.

Edited, Feb 6th 2012 4:30pm by Aethien

It's not. It's about the fact that once the NRE wears off, if you have no idea what's happening to you there's a good chance you will not know how to deal with the fact that the relationship isn't awesome shiny anymore, but rather just reality.

If you start out with reality and then get to love each other from there (something I believe is actually kind of likely to happen if the people suggesting the match weren't complete morons) it seems like a more stable situation.



I know... obviously (depending on your family) you'll have anything from 2 hours to a few years to get to know the person and can then go from there, or they'll suggest someone you know anyway and you'll have an easy time answering.

The thing is that in cultures where parents arrange the marriages (i.e. South Asia and such) people are almost always really ******* close to their parents so there's enough of a relationship to know what the children want; and you can always make demands (anything from skin colour to which Linux distro the girl uses, heh) which together with the actual experience mothers tend to have is going to give pretty decent chances. Plus it keeps people from running off with some hobo they fancy, I guess. I've done that one too often.

In cultures where you pay a professional to make the match (e.g. Japan), it's basically the same as dating websites, just with a wedding kind of early on. And I assume professionals at least have a bit of an idea what they are doing.

=x²

It would be too awkward. I'd think "You're all clear kid, now let's blow this thing and go home!" every time...

I never said love marriages are doomed every single time. I'm planning one for myself, after all.

You've got both kinds of marriages with people who marry after knowing each other 2 weeks and people who take years of living together before they actually decide. This depends on other factors, but at least in the former case it's probably better to have family/whoever check up on the intended partner in advance. For the latter, it doesn't matter which way it's done, I guess.