Honestly, I thought is was the most brilliant joke thread of all time and applaud it on that basis alone. Especially the "I rolled on a PvP server" idea. Absolutely perfect!
If he's serious, won't he be bored to tears in less than a week? Trap, wing clip, raptor strike... sounds about as fun as slapping yourself with a salmon fillet every 30 seconds for the rest of the decade. But hey, some people might be into that. So, have fun.