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In most cases the ultimate end to dealing with this issues when you only have one true AoE is BoP
My main is a pally and some items your friend should look into, if he/she doesnt have them are two mods, grid (really GREAT tool!) and omen threatmeter, you can look up ACE2 and some other sites to download the mods, dont have them readily available.
Additionally, it sound to me like this isnt the case with you, but the priority for me is my healer. I prefer a dedicated healer if at all possible, so I have righteous defense with blessing of protection macroed in that when RD is on its 15 sec cooldown it will cast BOP on them. Typically I would /focus on the healer. I DO NOT neglect anyone else, but I do make sure that my healer keeps me alive as MANY times I have been one of the last ones standing, able to finish off the fight and allow for there not being a complete wipe.
With DPS too many times have they died and felt it was the tank;s fault. Soo many DPS'ers (and too many wanting the glory) out there and not enough tanks, wonder why? Well, definitely make sure not just you, but others are holding back enough as well at least for the tank to get the aggro, cant RD and BOP everyone unfortunately, RD cooldown is 15secs and BOP is much longer. Since it sounds like you have a good group I doubt much of this is a problem, and you even stated that you and others hold back til the pally grabs aggro...but something to keep in mind.
Finally, a major item as others have mentioned, is ensuring they have at least
200 spell damage, 490 defense - for uncrittable, and 102.4 avoidance (with holy shield active at all times) for uncrushability, minimum of 10-11k HP and at least around 12k armor starting. Have him go to maintankadin.com, so much information there its wonderful: two of my favorite links:
1: here is a gear progression for every slot to get as he progresses:
http://failsafedesign.com/maintankadin/viewtopic.php?t=2652
2: Here is the gear he can get to get uncrushable AS QUICKLY as POSSIBLE, all through quests, some crafted, and a couple of dungeons - normal mode, and leaves nothing to chance.
http://failsafedesign.com/maintankadin/viewtopic.php?t=4844
Definitely check on his stats, ensure the spelldamage ALL of which can be had on the weapon alone, crystalforge sword or continuum blade, with a +40 enchant, this should be all he/she needs so the rest of teh gear can focus on the defense, armor and health issues. Its a delicate balance as you start progressing, much better as you get further along.
ALSO, make sure he has the proper build, AND also has rightuoes fury up with full talents at all times, uses blessing of sanctuary on himself, unless kings, which another pally usually has so I dont use it myself, blessing of salvation on the others, and with the spell damage, have the improved holy shield talents, and up at all times, and along with consecrate, a great and better way to hold aggro is using seal of vengeance for alliance, seal of blood is not good, although i have no experience with it, only from research. Judgin SoV especially when its stacked really grabs the attention of the mob and costs less in mana than consecrate. with the Spell damage, RF, HS and judg Sov, it really should be hard to pull aggro off, the GRID addon is great in seeing nice little boxes with the little red dot on who has aggro, OMEN can show who is generating the most threat and can let others know to tone it down if needed.