“Here I go again, the gullible Ipthar, on another strange expedition.†But being an adventurous and trusting monk, I’m not one for skepticism. Unfortunately, since I’m not one to pass on a drink either, the gullibility increases, as does my curiosity.
So here I am, running across the deserts of Sunderock Springs, headed toward the dreaded Endless Geyser. Now truth be told, I’m not stupid, but when a high elf wizard, whose lineage speaks of high intelligence and honor, tells me of a wonderful place to meditate, it’s hard not to believe what she’s telling me. Unless of course she’s still mad at me for knocking over a tray of drinks onto her scrolls. Anyway, I digress.
“In the center of the Endless Geyser, much like the eye of a hurricane, is a calm point that many legendary monks have used for meditation. The spiraling steam blocks all view from the outside world, eliminating any distractions and allowing peace of mind and body,†she says with a flicker of what looks like a smirk.
“Soundth great, but that geyther kills anybody that goesth near it. What makesh me, or any osher monks, special that my shkin won’t boil off from the shteam?†I slur as I take another draw off my mead.
“I have this little trinket that contains an enchantment to ward off any effects of the steam. All you have to do is wear it. Of course you’ll have to make it there safely on your own. The enchantment won’t keep you safe from anything that might want to eat you. Once there you can meditate to a level of enlightenment of which you’ve never dreamed.â€
As I stupidly stare at my empty mug, I say “Okay, I’ll take it. Quellioush knows I could ushe a good medi…medita…mastication….mediation….you know, what you shaid.â€
When I awoke this morning, with a lovely hangover, I realized how much of an idiot I made myself to be. Now everyone in that bar, who I know very well, will be expecting me to make this stupid trek. Probably even taking bets on how long I last. In preparation for this little venture, I recruited a couple of friends to come find my carcass and resurrect me should I not return in five days time.
Well, I’ve finally reached the geyser, that lovely spiraling column of steamy death. Having placed the talisman on my person, I slowly walk toward the geyser, settling my mind into a trance that would allow my body to be destroyed without pain. As I enter, I feel nothing but warm sulfurous air rushing up my nostrils, but no searing pain. I finally reach the calm center of the spiral, not believing that what the wizard had told me was actually true. When I look down, I see heat sores on my skin and my clothes are slowly falling apart. I start to feel the heat of the steam, my trance slowly ebbing away. As the heat starts to affect me more rapidly, I notice the talisman beginning to glow. In a sudden flash, a super eruption of the geyser hits my body. “STUPID HIGH ELF!!!!†I scream as my body is shot upward, passing me to unconsciousness.
When I awake, I find myself on a cot, naked and only covered by an animal skin. Sitting up, I see my clothes and leather armor pieces sitting on the floor next to my cot, soaked and shredded beyond recognition.
I hear the clanging of metal outside of the room I’m in. Metal workers? Hmmm.
Right then, a large heavily muscled woman enters carrying in a large bowl of what must be soup. “Ahhh, you are awake, little man. Are you hungry? You have slept for four nights.â€
“Was a new inn built in Halas? I’m not familiar with this one.â€
“Halas? What is Halas? Is that your home? Must be far away since I’ve never heard of it.â€
“It is the home city of the barbarians of Norrath. Wait…you’ve never heard of Halas? Where am I?â€
“You are in my village in Poitain.â€
“Poitain? Is this not the land of Norrath?†I ask, begging Quellious to let me wake in my own bed.
“Norrath? No, you’re in Hyboria, land of our King Conan!â€
Edited, Apr 22nd 2009 9:28am by Ipthar